Closer is as far from reality as you can get (Closer Magazine)

Member Name: rosebud2001

Product:	Closer Magazine
Date:	01/11/08 (310 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Passes the time

Disadvantages: Bitchy, Shallow, Negative, Nasty

In credit crunch times its always an idea to look at the obvious things you can cut from your budget to save yourself cash for the necessities in life and at the top of anyone's list would probably be magazines.

Celebrity magazines have become big business over the last 10 years and the best selling magazine in the UK within that genre is "Closer". It was originally launched by Emap but is now part of the Bauer group.

Closer doesn't pretend to be intelligent reading so safe in this knowledge you won't be expecting it. What it does do is openly bitch about "celebrities", many of whom with absolutely no discernable talent, and takes a great deal of pleasure at some of the misfortune they are experiencing. Mixed in with this is fashion, a couple of real life stories, diets and TV.

I have been buying closer for about 2 years now but I am going to base this review on the current issue because I can be specific about the magazine which does always seem to follow the same formula.

Closer is on sale every Tuesday and its cover is a magenta pink and has what I would call a very "negative" cover. This week we are told "Jordan snogs another man - Pete's in bits", "Kerry's Too Ill to Cope with her Kids", "Girls Aloud at War" and the only nod to reality with a nod to an "Incest Love Triangle".

The front of the magazine is devoted to so-called celebrity stories. These invariably come from a "friend" of the celebrity involved, a term I find to be a euphemism for the celebrity themself, or an excuse by the magazine to make something up about them.

There is a 4 page spread on Kerry Katona's latest woes, which contains a really distasteful element of schadenfreude. I am no fan of Ms Katona but the only voice of sanity within the 4 pages is a small comment piece from Jenny Bond, who knew Kerry on "I'm a Celebrity".

This sets the tone of the magazine...we then get stories about Girls Aloud at War, Jordan Kissing Another Man, Posh telling David she won't move the family again, and various other tales of woe involving Britney Spears, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston.

There is then a comment column from Ulrika Jonsson, which is as vapid and nasty as the woman herself. Quite how this person set herself up to be judge and jury on others is a mystery to me and her column cannot even redeem itself by being both nasty AND amusing - sadly its just plain nasty.

After that is Closer's attempt at reality. I used to choose Closer over other magazines because I enjoyed their reality stories but they now seem to have gone down the Jeremy Kyle road of finding the most extreme and vile examples of humanity and then pillorying them in that nasty, insidious tone so prevalent within media aimed at women these days. I find it repellant because this media will find the story, deal with the people and then stab them in the back when the story appears in print.

This weeks main story is about a father and daughter from Australia who have now split up is no different. There are a few more real life stories - one about a poor girl who is terminally ill due to a reaction to allergens in her pet parrot's excrement, another about a teenager's lavish Traveller wedding and one inspirational story about an American woman who has no arms.

We then get a column on the X Factor by Dannii Minogue, which tells us absolutely nothing about the show and is all about Dannii, followed by more celebrity stories.

There is the obligatory article on celebrity's appearance - this week its about how how plastic surgery is perceived to have ruined the bodies of several celebrities. There is a weekly article having a go at celebrities and depending upon what week it is, the celebrities look too fat, too thin, too old, too plastic or just plain ugly. Again, an excuse to be mean.

There are then other articles on celebrities of various levels of fame, ranging from Sarah Jessica Parker to Jodie Marsh. Most contain the obligatory negative tone - even a small piece about Billie Piper's new baby informs us her labour was terrible.

The fashion section is small and commences with "Style Watch" an excuse to comment anonymously on what celebrities are wearing. In keeping with the tone of the magazine there are 3 celebrities they like and 4 they don't. Even the fashion shoots are modelled by celebrities, with an EastEnders actress doing it this week, and Rachel Stevens being the main model for the Beauty page.

Just to be absolutely certain you fall into the celebrity mould, Closer then has its "Closer Diets" feature - this is an online service they provide but takes up several pages in the magazine and is heavily advertised throughout. You have to pay extra for this of course.

The magazine rounds off with a small review and TV section which isn't particularly enlightening and predictably focuses on the soaps and "The X Factor" when it comes to highlights. Given BBC4 rarely features in their highlights and I find this channel fascinating, I am sure they miss out some choice TV programmes here.

I have to say this week's issue was probably the final straw for me. The negativity within this magazine is just mind-blowing and while I know we women love to bitch, to pay £1.30 per week for the privilege is an expense I don't need to be worrying about as times get tighter. I also have no desire to be subsidising Ulrika Jonsson's pay cheque.

All these magazines seem to have provided is another source of income for people with little or no talent and I don't want to be paying into that game any more. I also find the negativity too depressing...so this week's issue of Closer will be last one for me.

Closer is on sale every Tuesday for £1.30 and there is also a website

http://www.closeronline.co.uk/

Summary: I am distancing myself from Closer now