If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the newsagent (Heat)

Member Name: yummy87

Product:	Heat
Date:	21/10/03 (250 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Glossy, Celebrity News, Bitching

Disadvantages: Bitching

Whilst standing in the newsagents recently, trying to decide what magazine to buy, in order to have a little light reading, the front cover of ?Heat? jumped out at me from the shelves. Various small pictures of celebrities in less than flattering poses, are scattered across the front of the magazine. I suppose there is a little part in all of us that loves to see people who are usually portrayed to be glamorous beings, at their absolute worst, so I picked up a copy and bought it home.

?Heat? costs £1.45 and is published on a weekly basis. The magazine claims to have the hottest celebrity news each week, so I read it from cover to cover, to ascertain whether I could sue them for libel.

?Heat? is glossy, but of a smaller size to ?OK? and Hello? magazines. However, the quality of the paper used it in its manufacture is not particularly thick, there are about ten less pages, and the magazine is 55p cheaper than ?OK?.

The ?Everyone?s talking about?? section deals with a newsworthy item from the week of publication. In this issue, the article is about the phenomenon that is Reality TV, as there are literally dozens of this type of show on every channel at present. Later in the magazine another section deals with stars of reality TV shows, and asks the question ?Where are they now?? The articles start off pleasantly enough, and focus on the shows which made the stars famous, but culminate in a sarcastic comment for most of them, and gives the reasons why the majority will never make the big time.

Following the same theme, the magazine devotes three pages to the fact that Madame Tussaud?s have seen fit to create a waxwork of Simon Cowell for their exhibition. Visitors are encouraged to sing karaoke style, after which the waxwork will utter some of Simon?s immortal phrases. A short interview with the man himself is contained in the article, together with a large picture of the waxwork, with speech bubbles depicting the put downs that are
uttered from the dummy.

?Hot off the Press? is a six page section, dealing with stories that are the most recent in the celebrity circuit. The main story in this issue deals with the rumour circulating that not only is Justin Timberlake dating Cameron Diaz, but that his ex-girlfriend, the obnoxious Miss Spears, may or may not be seeing Cameron?s ex-boyfriend. The article is quite sniping towards Britney and revels in the fact that her career has hit the doldrums of late. However, not all articles follow this line, and there is a sympathetic report regarding one of the Big Brother housemates of the last series, Nush, who was recently mugged, and left badly injured.

Of course ?Heat? has a letters page, where the letter of the week is given a substantial £100 in HMV vouchers. Letters sent in by readers deal with celebrities in the news, articles featured in past issues, and the public?s thoughts on television programmes currently being broadcast.

?The Week in Pictures? is exactly as it says. Eleven pages devoted to stars going about their daily business, unwittingly caught on camera. This week sees Lee Ryan from the band Blue, constantly in the news, but normally for the wrong reasons, trying to tip over a portaloo in which one of his friend?s was trying to relieve himself. The story does state that Lee ran off before the person emerged, which only reinforces my suspicions that he is a total idiot. Each story bears the date and place in which the photographs were taken, and one such story shows Sadie Frost and Kate Moss relaxing on a recent holiday together. Kate is looking her glamorous self, yet ?Heat? imply that she may again be pregnant because of her ?bulging? belly. If that is their definition of bulging, mine must be whale like. The journalism is witty of course, and sometimes scathing, but in the case of this story, laughable. Oh, how I?m going to bite my tongue if she indeed is pregnant! The story that made me laugh the most was one
about the mother of that Big Brother reject, Jade Goody. For anyone who has seen Ms. Goody?s mother, they will realise that the poor woman is no oil painting. ?Heat? have some hysterical photographs of her out on a recent night out, looking decidedly worse for wear, and daring to show her bra to the photographer. Not a pretty site, but the journalist?s comments about her being the next Jordan, had me diving for my tissues, as tears of laughter streamed down my face.

?News and Stuff? is spread out over six pages, and features both long and short articles, about lesser known facts about celebrities. Only one of the stories in this issue, actually had an interview with the person in question, but the best piece by far was a section entitled ?On or Off?? which pictures star couples and speculates how long they will stay together. Why bother? All of them will split up eventually, most likely blaming the pressures of fame?..This section also has top tens of the most popular programmes on the main television channels over the past week, and also films showing at the cinema. There is also a top ten music chart, and ?Heat? give their hot tips for future number one spots.

If competitions interest you, ?Heat? is not the magazine to buy. In this issue, I could only find one, which was a crossword, for which a day at a health spa was the first prize. There was however the chance to have free tickets to see the film of the moment ?Calendar Girls?. A voucher is printed in the magazine, which has to be taken along to the cinema for two free entrances.

No magazine would be complete without fashion pages, and ?Heat? is no exception. ?Starstyle? focuses on one fashion accessory, and displays photographs of celebrities wearing their version. This week, the item in question is a charm necklace, and a small section is devoted to stockists of the said item. There is also a cosmetic section, which this week looks inside the make up bag of Alesha Dixon. I am so g
lad I am not a celebrity, for if they looked in my make up bags, there would be a great many lipsticks that Amber has seen fit to ruin in her quest to become alluring to various boys at her school! Also within this section, is a page devoted to photographs of stars reading their favourite books this Summer. Interestingly enough, Chris Evans is pictured reading a spiritual enlightenment book. Forgive me for saying, but all he needs is a good wash and feed, and he would be a different man.

?Oooh Scandal? is a twelve page pull out section of the magazine, which is an absolute bitch fest. Stories abound about the ever tacky Jordan, whether or not Sarah Jessica Parker has had a nose job (who cares, she?s still weird looking?) and even a picture of Jude Law?s nipple. Of course, there are the normal celebrities caught on camera at a most inopportune moment, be it eating, kissing, sweating profusely or wearing clothes that do them absolutely no justice, but this part of the magazine proves that everyone has their off days. Sarcastic headlines and putdowns abound throughout, as in ?Summer Holiday Disasters? which shows Jennifer Aniston looking very fetching in a red bikini, standing at the edge of a pool, picking her nose, as well as yet another picture of poor Leslie Ash, with her infamous ?trout pout?.

The ?Film Review? section pulls no punches. Latest releases to hit the cinemas are pulled apart in true ?Heat? fashion and absolutely all have a section entitled ?What?s wrong with it??. There is also a listing of the top ten films showing at present, which also outline a brief plot. This theme continues with the music reviews, yet reviews of books, DVD?s and videos do not get the same harsh treatment, and are mainly positive.

?Heat? also includes a weekly pull out television guide, in which interviews with the stars of programmes for the forthcoming week abound, as well as a comprehensive listing of the week ahead. The one thing I do not like abou
t the guide, is that terrestrial television for the week is listed first, followed by satellite, digital and cable.

If you are looking for a celebrity magazine that is kind to the stars, do NOT buy ?Heat?. The magazine has constant put downs, sarcastic one liners and unflattering pictures. While I like ?OK?, I do feel that at times, the magazine is too nice to the celebrities it features. Will I be buying ?Heat? again? Definitely. Especially on those days when I wake up and think I look awful, and need a reminder that even Jennifer Aniston can look as though she has been out on a beano for a whole weekend.

I have however, taken one star away as when I wrote this review I was in the mood for some celebrity slating. There are times of course when I am not, and end up feeling quite sorry for the celebrities concerned (although not if they are Victoria or David Beckham!)

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