| Product: |
Other Magazine... |
| Date: |
30/05/01 (656 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: Pictures of MM4M babes
Disadvantages: For bankers only
I was certainly excited as I climbed the stairs to their office above a chip shop in Chiswick. I'd never done anything like this before but I was confident I could handle the mission. They had told me that they wanted me to interview someone on their behalf, write an article and have my photo taken. How could an aspiring writer possibly refuse?
I knocked on the door and walked into the hive of non activity that was 'Macho Motors 4 Men' magazine's creativity centre. I was shown into the editor's suite, well a bit partitioned off really. Nick smiled and twanged his braces, obviously a sophisticated sort of guy. I'd heard that he'd once read a complete book and this had set him on his career path. "Come in me bird", he said.
He told me to perch on his desk and, while studying my legs, set about telling me what he wanted me to do. I listened intently. I was to interview the owner of the 'Used Car Of The Week', meet the magazine's Technical Wizard and also have my photo taken. Nick said he was sure I would make a lovely spread and fiddled with his loose change.
"Right", he instructed, "Remember the four V's when you do the interviews." I got out my note book and licked a borrowed pencil in anticipation. "Very low top, Very short skirt and Very high heels"
"And the fourth V?", I asked
"Oh, erm yes. Have your hair so it looks like you've just got out of bed. Can you do that?" His coins clanked together furiously.
"No problem, it looks like that most mornings", I answered. I could tell he was impressed. I wasn't sure what all this had to do with motors or a fourth V but I was ready for the challenge and trusted Nick's judgement. He obviously knew what his readers wanted.
I went home to change and prepare myself. I then set off on the number 207 to do my interviews. I go
t a few strange looks as I tottered up the aisle of the bus, they obviously didn't realise I was a freelance writer. I was beginning to wonder if I should have left the two rollers in my hair or not.
I reached the owner of the car of the week's front door, stepped over the empty milk bottles and rang the bell. Wayne answered and, after I told him who I was, he grinned. I noticed that he'd had bacon for breakfast. He took me to see his Geraldine straight away and said how much he loved her. With pride he introduced me and told me to run my hands over her body. She was certainly very smooth. I thought that Wayne's glasses had got quite steamed up but it could just have been a smear of bacon fat. So this was a typical Macho Motors 4 Men reader.
He asked me if I'd like to do a quick internal. He pointed out there was lots of room inside. He said Geraldine had two in the front and three in the back last night. She was some goer Wayne told me as I bent over to have a good look, forgetting just how short my skirt was. "She's done well over 100,000", said Wayne as he glanced at my rear end. A trickle of dribble gently rolled down his chin but I could tell that he really only had eyes for Geraldine.
As I was bending over a flashlight went off. The photographer, Snapper, had arrived. A real trendy guy. He'd just been to the hairdressers to have the latest Beckham Mohican cut but without the stripe. He said he was ready to take a few photos of me, the first with Wayne. The two of us stood together and Snapper said, "Undo a couple of buttons on your top". Wayne obliged exposing his MM4M T-shirt in an unusual shade of off white.
"No, not Colin. You love".
I looked down at my already well exposed cleavage and did as he requested. I noticed that the dribble on Wayne's chin had been joined by the bacon formerly lodged between his teeth. I then had to
climb on the bonnet of the car and they both kindly gave me a hand up.
"Look sexy", said Snapper, "Really push your boobs out". I took a deep breath but wasn't too sure if he was getting enough of the car in his viewfinder. I was going to tell him but he kept clicking away so he must have known what he was doing.
I looked up from the car bonnet and there was another guy walking towards us. He had swept back black greasy hair with matching finger nails, I noticed as he got closer.
After a sharp intake of breath and a sniff he slipped off his anorak and said, "Hi babe, I'm the MM4M technical expert, Toby. Get your notebook and I'll give you the car's spec. I'll go slow cos (sniff) I know you babes don't understand it all too well". He winked at Snapper. Wayne's eyes were transfixed to my chest, the bacon now decorating his T-shirt.
"Wayne's Geraldine (sniff) is a 1984 Volkswagen Jetta with a four stroke petrol engine, installed transversely, the cylinders are all in line (sniff). It's got a cast-iron cylinder block, five bearing crankshaft and a sheet metal sump. The valves are operated via a toothed belt and overhead camshaft. It does nought to eighty km per hour in eight point seven seconds and you've got great boobs (combined scratch and sniff)". He continued giving me lots of info while Snapper clicked away. Wayne had a definite river flowing now from his mouth and down his T-shirt, the bacon was heading rapidly south towards his rounded belly.
After all of the technical info Toby looked at Snapper and asked, following a sniff, "Has the babe come across with the special photo yet?".
They asked me to get up on the bonnet again. I had three lots of hands helping this time. "Now lean back, that's it, and gently stretch out your legs and ..."
At that moment there was a 'Ping' and
my rose coloured glasses slipped off my nose. "Gosh!", I thought, "Am I by any chance being exploited here? Isn't this degrading to women in general to pose in such a way for the gratification of the likes of sad MM4M readers like Wayne? Am I just a sex object to them? And what has short skirts, low tops and high heels got to do with cars? Was, what they wanted me to do, the fourth V?" I pushed the glasses back on, "No, surely not".
I finished all I had to do and was ready to head back to the bus stop. Toby gave me a lift in his mini, the dashboard covered in fluffy blue nylon. He accidently touched my leg each time he changed gear and told me how he liked to give his women a good time. "Take last night. I took this babe to the pub and then afterwards bought some fish and chips. On the way back to my place, when the traffic lights were on red, I slipped her a portion and she was well satisfied by the time they went green".
I felt relieved once I was on the bus.
I wonder what my boyfiend would have said when I arrived back at my flat?
He's just a normal clean cut guy. He'd probably look up at me over his Financial Times and exclaim, "Surely you didn't go out like that! You look like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards. Look at your skirt it's just below your ..., well it's so sho-o-rrt and look how lowwww your top is. Did you really walk about like that?"
I imagine he'd be in quite an excitable state and would come over to me with that familiar expression in his eyes. Even Audi drivers get turned on by MM4M babes.
;-> Kay
Factfile:
The latest copy of MM4M has 525 pages. 400 are adverts, 25 are features including important issues such as, 'Does your girl prefer it in the front or the back seat?', 'Are big bumpers really necessary?' (this is illustrated with a Pamela Anderson
look-a-like), 50 pages are of shiny cars and the remaining pages are of MM4M 'babes' photographed with their favourite car or accessory. If you are a macho man you may be able to get a copy at your local newsagent. Just tell him or her that you are a bit of a banker.
P.S. For balance purposes I would point out that not all motor magazines are like MM4M. Some are well written, factual, of interest to genuine motor enthusiasts and are excellent value for money.
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