EYEING UP THE PRIVATE PARTS (Private Eye)

Member Name: moistoist

Product:	Private Eye
Date:	30/08/01 (273 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Brilliant satire

Disadvantages: They have been sued a few times...

I have a been a long-time devotee of the esteemed organ that is Private Eye, not just for the sheer depth of satirical amusement that lurks copiously and nonchalantly under its cover, but also for the wonderful manner in which it takes the current affairs of the present day and manages to present them in such a manner that the salient points are distilled and explained in order to eradicate, or at least lessen the ‘spin’. The magazine is almost the brakes on the wheels of the political and social comfortable elite, frequently turning those wheels and the car that it represents into a nice, satisfying skid. Particularly satisfying when that happens to be Lord Archer’s car that careers its way into the inevitable ravine of the High Court and Belmarsh Prison.

The main strength of Private Eye lies in its longevity…as a fortnightly organ it has run to no less than 1034 editions as of the 6th of September 2001. It was there when many of the defining political events of the last four decades were perpetrated. It was there when Thatcher entered, and when she left No. 10 Downing Street, there when Blair won in 1997, there when BSE first sprouted and then returning of course for the gloriously dire repercussions for the “foot-‘n-mouth” government (and that middle word could be ‘in’ or ‘and’, it’s equally amusing either way...

It is currently run by Ian Hislop, he of Have I Got News for You Fame…and the tone of the magazine is consequently bitingly satirical, but often intellectually so, relying on clever puns and keen analysis of the news…he is ably assisted by researchers who obviously know their stuff – many cross references go back years and years to rather obscure events – often ones that politicians rather wish that they HADN’T found!

To give you an idea of what it contains, here is an analysis of what this week’s issue contained –
it was a particularly good week.


THE FRONT COVER – is one of the most important parts, as it always has a tabloid style cartoon with the obligatory photo and speech bubbles…but one that is always VERY funny indeed. For example, this one was – “PIG FLIES SENSATION!” under which was printed a picture of a pig jumping a few feet from the ground with the speech bubble emanating from its mouth saying
“And the Hamiltons are innocent!’ – with ‘incredible silly season continues!’ written at the footer of the page. Absolutely hilarious – has to be seen to be appreciated.

INSIDE
There are a few regulars that appear every week. These include the opening column, ‘Gnome’…which always lambasts the socially comfortable elite…normally a fat-cat or the head of a corporation. It appears in the form of a press release from a fictitious Lord with a name bearing an uncanny resemblance to the target of the lambasting – eg.
“GnomerCollins plc (part of the Screws International Group
Wapping Advance
London EC4” – as the address under a press release about Lord Archer’s ‘latest novel…
Also on this page appeared a cartoon depicting Lady Archer with a caption ‘Lady Archer’s new theory on solar power’. The caption from her mouth reads – ‘The sun shines out of Jeffrey’s bottom’…
That’s the type of humour that they use – it often seems puerile to start with, but as you think about it you realise just how clever it is! It is also utterly merciless…and often in the face of very strong opinions on each side of an argument.
Other regular as clockwork columns include
STREET OF SHAME – about Fleet Street – i.e the newspaper medias…the current topic it is screwing for all it’s worth is ‘Porn King’ Richard Desmond wh
o owns the Daily Express (‘the Daily Sexpress’) as well as a few ‘art’ magazines…
HACKWATCH – again about the printed press, but focusing on those freeloading journalists it so abhors as an organ…
HP SAUCE – issues about parliament and the like, general political amusements and scandals revealed
EYE TV – a scathingly funny analysis of current television – that is generally incredibly nasty (in the Anne Robinson sense of the word) about the drivel that we are forced to watch on the box
DUMB BRITAIN – all the incredibly stupid answers given on quiz shows collected for general amusement (and whilst this may sound like intellectual snobbery, we are talking REALLY dumb things – for example
“Who is the leader of the Ulster Unionist Party?”

“Geri Halliwell”
(a real answer given on the Grant Stott Show, Radio Forth)
or from the weakest link reality tv special

“What is botany the study of?”
“Bottoms”

continuing on
DOING THE ROUNDS – issues related to scandals in the NHS and the health service in general
ROTTEN BOROUGHS – issues about local government worthy of more exposure than the politicians would like…
FUNNY OLD WORLD – outrageous stories that really did appear in newspapers around the world
ST ALBION PARISH NEWS – a hilarious regular that is written in the style of a parish magazine, just that the vicar is one Rev. A. Blair… a particularly inspired one this…

And then a few pages written in the style of a tabloid newspaper which is always worth a laugh (but often not the funniest section of the paper) – but that’s compared to the whole which is excruciatingly hilarious. Recent inclusions – ‘A Level Records as passes reach 110%!’… ‘Did the Hamiltons kill Jill Dando?! – Police investi
gate new claim’, or the wonderful
“BELFAST LATEST – Peace to be decommissioned” (‘in a major breakthrough, six parties in Northern Ireland have agreed to bury the peace process, and put it permanently “beyond use”’)

The last three pages include literary articles and business related articles which although exposing similar outrageous scandals and frauds often are less interesting because they are longer and harder to comprehend without a working knowledge of aforesaid subjects…however they often yield absolute gems.


Often the most fascinating part though is the LETTERS page…which often receives letters from prominent politicians and celebrities who have been drawn through the dirt and are rather annoyed. These are often wonderfully undermined by clever titles or inserts by the editorial team…also, this page is the source of the ‘lookalikes’ – where people send in pictures of otherwise unconnected celebrities who are prominent in the media at that moment which resemble each other. This months included – a picture of Charles Clarke MP alongside a picture of Fungus the Bogeyman, and a picture of Danny from Hear’Say next to a picture of Shrek from the animated film, each bearing an uncanny resemblance – and the names under each picture are also swapped for added comic amusement. The letter from the person sending the photos almost always ends ‘I think we should be told’ – which has become one of the Eye’s catchphrases.


Anyway – that’s what it contains – plus a whole load of brilliantly drawn cartoons and numerous little articles that just make you smile and feel incredibly knowledgeable.


CONCLUSION

That’s the strength of Private Eye; you feel like you’re being told something incredibly important, like a secret, that you yourself become important because
you are ‘in the know’. It’s the same as when you were in school and in a club which was very exclusive – and all the other kids envied you for it… it plays on that Bond-esque feeling of being a bit ‘dangerous’ and combines that with being utterly hilarious and wonderfully satirical – and scaring the shite out of certain politicians.
That said, it isn’t without downsides. Occasionally the news is dull and the magazine seems weak…it always perks up again, but it is reliant on famous people doing things they shouldn’t, or a ‘silly season’ to waltz along. It is also often a little smug in tone – making out that it is somehow all seeing, omnipresent…when it occasionally drops to the level of the tabloids it lambasts in terms of ‘exposing’ stories for maximum reader potential, albeit in a very intellectual and cleverly written way. And also, they have once or twice written complete and utter bollocks about a story (although that is pretty rare now) which has meant they’ve been sued a fair number of times…of which they’ve won a few more than they’ve lost, but only just.

That aside, it is one of the most intelligent, analytical, satirical, and important publications that you will find on your newsagent’s shelf. And it only costs a pound, which is hardly breaking the bank once a fortnight. Subscriptions are easy to take out, costing 19 quid for a year (26 issues) (I’ve subscribed for 5 years and never had a single problem with the direct debit or the billing, or issues turning up late etc…plus you get it a day before it appears in the shops). Not bad. They also publish books of the cartoons (some of which are very famous) and have the occasional event which you can go to, like signings by Hislop etc. If you want to sample what it has to offer, visit www.private-eye.co.uk - which should give you a flavour of what to exp
ect (it has most of the major cartoons and columns for free online pleasure). And after all that, you get to spend at least an hour of your fortnight with a smile on your face, for a pound. That’s not bad at all, now, is it? So, what are you waiting for? Go buy!

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