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I LOVE to paint my nails, i change the colour of them at least twice a week, and looking out for different colours is what i love to do! My favourite colour from Barry M is 'Emerald Green' because you don't see many green colours around and it has a great finish.
Barry M have a range of nail varnish from pastel colours to metallic colours and glittery colours, so they have something to please everyone. It comes in a 10ml stretched square glass pot with a black cylinder handle. It has a twist top and a medium sized brush on the end of it. It has they're logo on the front and the name of what colour is in the bottle.
Every nail colour i have from them has lasted a really long time and hasn't started to go all thick and chunky like most do after a little while. I also find that this nail varnish doesn't chip easily and seem to last as long as i want it to. They cost around £3.00 and can be found from boots and superdrug (they often has offers on for 2 for £5). They are always bringing out new colours and up to date with all the latest fashions so you can mix and match with your clothes!
For me this nail varnish will always be a keeper and i will continue to buy as they haven't let me down yet! If you haven't yet tried this range i suggest you do and I'm sure you won't be disappointed!
My scalp is always quite sensitive, and if i don't use a anti dandruff shampoo my scalp goes very flaky and itchy, so whenever i wash my hair i always use head and shoulders.
I dye my hair so i decided to use some of the colour care shampoo which keeps your dyed hair looking fresh and vibrant but also getting rid of your itchy flaky scalp. It says on the back of the bottle that it takes a few washes for the shampoo tot start working but i find it works from the first wash.
You can buy this from most supermarkets and other places such as superdrug and boots, you can find them on special offers such as 2 for £5, but mostly they sell for a round 1.60 for a small bottle and £3 for a larger bottle. They come in white bottles with a dark blue lid which it rounded on the left hand side. Each different type of head and shoulders has a different colour and this particular bottle has red in a wavy type of pattern on the front.
You don't need to much of this shampoo before it works up in to a nice lather, leave it on your hair for about a minute if you want for it to really set in, and then rise it off and follow by using the same conditioner.
I use this shampoo nearly every time i wash my hair, unless i run out unexpectedly! I would recommend this if you have dandruff or even just for taking care of your dyed hair!
I paint my nails about 3 times a week, so i need a nail polish remover that does a good job and lasts a long time! All others i have tried have smelt so horrible and i read somewhere about getting one free from acetone, so on my way home from work i popped into Superdrug and picked this up for just £1.29. (it is a Superdrug own brand so you can only buy it from here)
It comes in a 250ml bottle, which is clear and you can see that light blue colour of the liquid from the outside. It has a simple twist lid and has instructions for use on the back of the bottle. When you open this you can still smell the harsh nail polish remover smell, but i think that is just expected really. I use make up pads and tip the bottle on to pad to cover it and then start to work away at my nails, and was surprised that it came off quite quickly!
It doesn't leave my nails feeling dry like some others do, and the favourite part about this nail polish is that after you use it i have often ending up eating something and can taste that horrible taste from where I've held my food with freshly colour removed nails which is horrible! But this one leaves no taste at all! It lasts a long time aswell which is great for me, I've been using this for around 2 years now and i probably still being buying it until I'm old!
Happy New Year everyone! 2 weeks in, how is everyone's going!? I have to say most new years we don't really do much, i don't have a large family, just my sister and my mum and then my sisters boyfriend came round and my fiance was here; best night though to have all my favourite loved ones around me :)
I think we started are night quite early at about 7, we like to play games and not have to concentrate one the TV which is nice! We all cooked the tea so that mum didn't have too...we had a huuuge Christmas roast again! With oven roasted carrots and parsnips, 3 yorkshire pudding each (love them!), lots of roast potatoes, peas, pork, stuffing and gravy! We of course had to finish this off with a mince pie or two.
After this we played a couple of card games called betting on the horses and chase the ace; i don't know if thats what they're actually called but thats what we called them ever since we were little. My sisters boyfriend bought some fireworks round which i was excited about because we've never actually done them ourselves! So at about 11 we went out the front of my house where theres a huge field because my mum didn't want them in the garden!
I think we have about 30 all together and they looked so good! We didn't do them in one go because mum called us in for the countdown which we called toasted to with a glass of alcohol! I then had to do the usual thing of stepping in and out of our house because I'm the one with the darkest hair and its meant to bring luck or something? I dunno I've done it now for years! When we went back outside people were sending off those new year lanterns which looks so pretty and makes me want to do it next year too!
We stayed up till about half 2 until my eyelids wouldn't stay open anymore!
that pretty much sums up my new years eve celebrations..and for once i didn't actually text anyone at midnight!
Well, being 19 most teenager my age love going out drinking pretty much everything and anything! I however am very different to this point of view and hate pretty much all alcohol; i think my taste buds still have some growing up to do! They only alcohol i like is Malibu and Mickey Finns apple! I used to like the apple sourz but even that i think is too expensive and sightly to alcoholic for me!
I'll start with where to buy the product from and so far (i am always looking out for this stuff!) it's in Tesco and Asda...unfortunately the closest supermarkets near me are Lidl, Sainsbury's and Morrison's and they don't do this stuff in there stores; though if anyone has seen this anywhere else please let me know! It sells for about a fiver a bottle and only sells in one size. Tesco do tend to put the price down of this item rather quickly and randomly..the cheapest i have bought it for before is £2.69! I bought 4 bottles that day :)
The bottle is quite tall and thin compared to others. It is in a clear bottle which shows the vibrant colour of the bright green drink. It is 500ml bottle and has 15% alcohol content and 7.5 UK units. This drink has real apple fruit juice infused with alcohol and natural flavours and tastes really nice. It's a slightly fizzy drink and has the apple taste that you would find in sweets and artificial products which i find nicer than just apple because it has a kick to it. You can enjoy this as a shot, in a cocktail or to mix with something else such as lemonade which is what i do with lots of ice!
The design on the bottle is simple, just MICKEY FINN in capitals and in white writing with a black shape behind it. It then has some other slanted white writing which tells you about the real fruit juice and then at the bottom has a picture of an apple and says the flavour of it. The bottle lid is black with the name written all over it.
They make other flavours of this and i have tried the red one (raspberry) and the blue one (blueberry) which both have very bright flavours which draws your eye in like this one does; i have heard there is a yellow one but i haven't discovered that yet. They don't quite have the same zing to them like the sour green apple one does which is why i guess this is the most popular flavour!
This is a great drink and you will not be disappointed if you buy it. I love to have one on a Saturday or Sunday in the evening after I've been to work, it just puts me in a good mood! I have a bottle waiting for me at home but unfortunately I'm at my fiances house; when I'm back home i will have a look and see if they have nutritional info on the back (I've never notice if alcohol does or not?!) and add it on here if they do, have fun drinking!
I absolutely LOVE orange chocolate, especially terry's! They have a few types of these now of which being snowball, dark, milk and minty, and then this is the latest i believe! I only saw this in the last few months near Christmas time and decided to grab some as stocking fillers!
These were in the Poundshop where i got them, but they are also in most supermarkets for roughly about £2.00. The packaging of this product is the same as all of the oranges, but with a different coloured box. The box of this is a purply pinkish colour and in a distinctive 'too tall to be a square and too short to be a rectangle' box. Is has holes in 3 sides of the box so you can see the chocolate; which is already wrapped up in foil the same colour as the box. around each window is a yellow circle that give the effect of the ball shining or blasting out. above it has the trademark writing of 'chocolate orange' in a fun way and looking like orange peelings.
There are 2 ways of opening these, from the top and pulling out, or a side opening. Inside isn't much packaging, just a piece of plastic to hold the circular chocolate in place. On the top of the wrapped up orange is a sticker that says 'whack and unwrap', i usually do this on a wall! Inside is a ball of chocolate that is in segments that really does look like an orange. One each segment the thick edge has spots of which again looks like orange peel, and on one side has the Terry's logo and a pattern which looks like the juicy bits inside an orange.
It has a lush creamy milk chocolate taste and a perfect amount of orange! To get the full effect of the popping candy inside suck the chocolate because it will start to crackle slowly in your mouth. I expected from the packaging as it looked so exciting that it would be crackling loads and be really fun, but there isn't too much of it in there which was a little disappointing!
Nutritional info per 100g
Energy 525 kcal
Overall i loved this new orange and and hoping they will add this to there orange segments chocolates!
These are perfect for a quick chocolately snack, the only problem is you will want more than one of them! For those of you who don't know, a chomp is a small chocolate bar (Cadbury's) with a caramel center. Whenever i think of caramel i think of loverly runny stuff! But this caramel is harder and very chewy. It has a layer of Cadbury's chocolate all the way round this caramel.
These used to cost 15p but the price has started rising to about 20p depending on where you find them. You can find them at local newsagents and most shopping stores such as Tesco and Asda. The packaging of this product is simple yet eye catching. It is in a shiny foil wrapper that keeps the treat fresh. The colour of this is bright red with the classic 'Cadbury purple' on each end; with the word 'Chomp' written on the front in a bright yellow and fun font writing. It also has a the Cadbury's logo in the top corner.
These have a great familiar taste you will recognise if you eat Cadbury's quite often. You get the melting feeling of the Cadbury chocolate when you suck this in your mouth. You can put them in the fridge which makes the caramel hard and a different experience all together. The taste of the caramel is really nice, which is something because i don't often each things like that! This is a great treat on the go or after your tea for an evening snack!
Nutritional info (23g bar) -
(of which sugars) 11g
Saturated fat 2.6g
These have been around for as long as I can remember! For those of you who don't know Eclairs are caramel oval pieces with milk chocolate inside them! Yummy! I was browsing in Savers a few days ago and spotted these for 99p. I know you can also get them in most supermarkets, but for a bit more than this at around £1.40.
These come in a 165g packet (weight including wrappers). Cadburys have stuck to there original deep purple coloured mixed with a nice caramel coloured yellow (kind of obvious why!) which sort of is all mixed around on the wrapper. It says 'Chocolate Elcairs' on the front with Eclairs being much bigger than the chocolate word so you will be able to see these when walking down the sweet isle. Nearer the bottom on the packet it shows wrapped up chocolate Eclairs and one in half showing the caramel with a chocolate centre...this is only a cartoon type drawing though.
If you turn the packet over it has ingredients, best before date, some advertising about the 'Cadbury World' place, nutritional information and you GDA's.
Its very easy to open the packet like most products, it has a zig-zag effect so you can hold with both hands forefinger and thumb and pull in opposite directions (this will pull the corner off enough to get your hand in and start grabbing sweets!) When you get one of the sweets out it is wrapped up in a small piece of foil with little bits sticking out the ends which looks quite sweet. Again it is purple and yellow swirled with 'Eclairs' written on, and also small writing telling you it contains soya, and that it may contain nuts and wheat.
to open this wrapper you pull the ends sticking out and it will untwist and you can get the sweet out. You then see a rich golden coloured caramel sweet which looks very smooth. When I first put the sweet into my mouth there was a funny taste..not quite sure what it is...it happens ever time I eat one so it must be from the wrappers. I have only had these in my bedside draw but I find them very hard! I always try to suck them but always end up chewing. It caramel has a very soft silky taste to it...its not too strong or weak either, perfect! it has a hint of toffee taste to it also I think personally. When you reach the centre that chocolate really hits the spot! If you have crunched your way through like me the chocolate it sort of flaky and gets swirled around your mouth with the caramel, if you sucked your sweet the chocolate melts and releases slowly which again is great.
Nutritional information (per sweet)
Calories - 35
Sugars - 3.6g
Fat - 1.4g
Saturates - 0.8g
Salt - 0.1g
These aren't the healthiest of treats, but as long as you don't eat them all at once you'll be fine! Though it is very hard not too eat them all....happy munching!
I used to play this every week when I was younger with my sister and 2 cousins. We used to go round to my grandmas every Friday to eat sweet and play games and this was always a favourite! It consists of:
16 pawns - 4 colours with 4 in each group
a pack of cards with no 6's or 9's that goes up to 12
Game instructions and rules
I love this game for the fact the there isn't a dice! In most board games we always end up losing the die, so a game without one is great! You can play this game from 2-4 players, though in my experience its always better with 3 or 4 players because you get to revenge different people rather than the same one.
Each player picks a colour they want to play (green, yellow, red and blue). On the game board is a space saying 'face cards down here' and opposite 'place cards face up here' - this shows where to put the cards and where to put them once you've read them. Around the board are squares which you work round the board clockwise. There's a 'start here' circle for each colour and next to it something that looks like a lolly pop which is a 'safe zone' and 'home' where you are aiming to get all of your pawn's.
Each player takes turns to draw a card from the pile and follows what it says on the card. Before I go any further I will tell you what it says on each card.
1 - Move a pawn from Start or move a pawn 1 space forward.
2 - Move a pawn from Start or move a pawn 2 spaces forward. Drawing a 2 entitles the player to draw again at the end of his or her turn, whether the 2 itself can be used or not.
3 - Move a pawn 3 spaces forward.
4 - Move a pawn 4 spaces backwards.
5 - Move a pawn 5 spaces forward.
7 - Move one pawn 7 spaces forward or split the 7 spaces between two pawns (such as four spaces for one pawn and three for another). This makes it possible for two pawns to enter Home on the same turn, for example. The 7 cannot be split into a 6 and 1 or a 5 and 2 for the purposes of moving out of Start.
8 - Move a pawn 8 spaces forward.
10 - Move a pawn 10 spaces forward or 1 space backward.
11 - Move 11 spaces forward or switch places with one opposing pawn; if the player cannot move 11 spaces they are not forced to switch and instead can forfeit their turn.
12 - Move a pawn 12 spaces forward.
SORRY! - Move any one pawn from Start to a square occupied by any opponent, sending that pawn back to its own Start. Nothing happens if there are no opposing pawns on the board or there are no pawns in Start.
Players just follow what these cards say as they go round the board, and when they get a 'SORRY!' card, you have to move another player's piece back to home! You cannot start another pawn when you already have one out unless its on a number 1 or 2 card...or if you have just got your piece to home and have nothing else to play with. If you land on one of the 'slide' bars arrow at the top, you are able to go to the bottom which total's a skip of 5 paces. Though you aren't allowed to slide on you own coloured 'slide' places.
This game is so easy to follow and can be played from ages 5+. You can find it on-line from price ranges to £5 on e bay and right up to £18 on Amazon which is a lot so it would be best if you hunted around to try and find the cheapest price. This game in my experience has been great fun and never gets old. This will bring your family together...and probably apart again if you have an annoying sister who always used to pick on you and use all her sorry's on you! grrrr!
I hadn't seen this stuff until a few days ago when I was buying some Palmer's cocoa Butter Formula in a larger bottle and a lip balm came attached to it so I thought I would grab that bottle; originally for my fiancé as he keeps getting dry lips...but now I've taken it off him because I like it more!!
If you want to know what this lip balm does all you have to do is read the tube! It tells you this product 'Helps prevent and protect chapped, cracked or wing-burned lips'. It also then tells you its a sunscreen/sun protectant for you lips that contains SPF15 and Vitamin E which will help keep your lips soft and kissable!
To be honest the appearance of this lip balm isn't that great. Its a white tube and then has a blue sticker over the top with the Palmer's logo in a bright orange oval and a brown square underneath with 'Cocoa Butter' in it... so it's not exactly jumping off the shelf at you! When you take the lid of there's a screw up tool which is at the top of mine...though I've seen my friend with one before and hers screwed up from the bottom.
Like I said before I bought this with a bottle of body butter and it came free. You can find this deal at savers at the moment and the price was around £2.80. But with a bit of research I've found you can find this in Boots and superdrug and it costs around £1.60.
When using this product I find that only a small amount glided over my lips is enough for a perfect coverage. I find I can feel it on my lips which makes them feel very soft and smooth. Of course this lip balm smells of chocolate, though it is only a very mild smell and also smells very creamy at the same time which is lovely. I would recommend this product for anyone who wants moisturised lips - men shouldn't be put off either as the product doesn't look girly so they shouldn't worry about having this product on them!
This Comforter bubble bar was one of my first EVER purchases from Lush. While shopping in Bristol I had always walked past this shop and smelt the amazing aroma coming from it, but for some reason I never went in there!
On this particular day we decided to and it was full of the weirdest and most wonderful smells and objects with odd shapes! As I was walking around this item attracted my attention rather quickly as its a pretty unique item and bright so it will attraction your attention.
okay so this comes in a variety of sizes and weights but costs roughly £3.80 for a chunk just bigger than the palm of your hand. It is a bright raspberry colour mixed with white; it reminds me of a chocolate swiss roll but in girly form! It looks very delicate even though it is pretty solid. This bar has a great scent of blackcurrants though its not overpowering, there's also another smell that I always associate with this bar which is a tulip smell! I can only smell this slightly and it might just be me!
Okay so I bought this and when I got home I realised I has no idea what to do with it or anything! How stupid is that! I decided to use my own instinct so I ran and bath like normal and broke a piece off the end and crumbled it in the bath which sort of dissolved and turned the water a slight pink colour. The smell was great and it did make my skin feel soft as this bar is infused with bergamot oil, but is that all it did?
The next day I went on the Lush website to see what you did with it and I found out that you had to crumble it under running water because its potentially like a solid bubble bath! so a few days later I had another bath but this time crumbled it in the water. I left my bath and came back a few minutes later with loads of lathery bubbles! Plus the smell was stronger this time as though the bubbles were releasing it!
After my bath the smell lingered from the bathroom out into the hall and crept into bedrooms and down the stairs! It stayed on my body for some time into the next day! This has got to be one of my favourite products and would be a great present for anyone who like baths! Of course another great thing about this product is that it is vegan so anyone can use it!
Durex have a whole range of these 'play' lubricants and I've probably tried them all! This one i think i picked up when there was an offer on in a store with buy a 12 pack of condoms and get a lubricant half price so i thought why not!
The bottle isn't too big, its about the same size as your hand and is 50ml. it has a translucent pump at the top and is covered with a red coloured plastic wrapper with information such as how to use it and what it does. On the front is the Durex logo and a circle design with the inside circle coloured silver. It then says 'heat' in this circle and in a white circle to the side it says 'blow to enhance'.
This item costs around £4 depending where you get it from .There are always offer such as buy one get one half price in boots and it is worth hunting around finding a cheap price as it lasts a long time. You can find this in most supermarkets, boots and super drug.
How to use the product
To use the product you have to twist the pump and it will unlock then get out as much lube as your want and put it in the desired places. This lube is said to heighten your senses, and if you gently blow onto the area with this applied it will give you a warm sensation. This product CAN be used with a condom.
The lubricant itself is a clear colour and i find it slightly runnier than some of there other lubes. it doesn't have a smell to it and its very smooth and soft.
What i thought
All in all this is a good lube. I like the fact that when your blow on it it adds heat because it gives you the choice unlike the tingle one with just makes you numb! This is a great lube to use even if your not bothered about the heat sensation, it will still give you the ease and comfort you need, whereas for me they kind of make me feel less which isn't a great thing! I also personally don't like the twist pump as I can never tell if its locked or unlocked...might be just me though!
What my partner thought
My partners not really that bothered about using things like this. He personally doesn't like getting messy with this stuff and would rather not bother, but when hes actually using it he seems to like it. He doesn't think the heat aspect of it has an impact on him or makes him feel nice when that area is blown on...it just goes warm 'whats the big deal with that' he says. But as use as a lube it works quite well if your willing to get a big messy.
I haven't really used Bourjois products before as they're one of the ranges which have a higher price and I'm not willing to spend that amount on certain products, but after receiving this as a Christmas present I may consider dipping my toe into the Bourjois pool!
First of all I think this lip gloss has a very appealing look. Its in a tube which is curvy and goes in at the lid and out again. The tube is a transparent turquoise colour with the lid being a solid turquoise colour with a small shine to it. There is a silver ring which divides the lid and bottle from one another. It has the Bourjois logo on the bottle and tells you that it is a menthol lip gloss along with a list of ingredients.
Using the product
The lid twists easily as you pull out the wand. You can see there is a stopper around the opening of the bottle which prevents too much lip gloss coming out. This wand has a small brush on the end of it which I quite different from most as they have a sort of pad thing on the end (you ladies will know what I mean!) Straight away you can see that the lip gloss has a rather thick feel than other lip glosses I applied a small amount to my lips and found it felt like most lip glosses, though because of the thickness it seemed to stay on my lips rather than to dribble down. The lip gloss itself is clear, though for some reason I was thinking it was going to be a slightly turquoise colour like the bottle, but maybe that for just drawing people in to the product?
What does it smell like?
This has a lush spearmint smell to it which you can smell when on your lips travelling up to your nose! The smell isn't too strong and even when you lick your lips you can taste this! The best thing for me is the tingle that your lips get once applied! The menthol in this really takes effect and it makes me feel like my lips are cool and fresh. My lips also feel like they've slightly plumped up, and when I removed this lip gloss my lips still feel very refreshed and clean; much like when you have brushed your teeth and got toothpaste foam all over them and then wiping it away.
Well this product costs around £7, and you can even buy it in a mini tube has a phone charm to always carry it around with you! (about £3.50). It can be found in stores such as super drug and Boots. For me this product is a great lip gloss and does exactly what it says! Gives me a fresh feeling and ultra shiny lips! I wouldn't recommend on a windy day though as it does get sticky when your hair gets blown in it. All in all I would recommend this lip gloss to anyone who likes to wear lip gloss and likes minty things!
You may think this sounds familiar as I believe the person who last wrote a review on this subject is my other half! About 2 years about my boyfriend was always going on about me getting him a tortoise which I never wanted to, so when he had enough money he got one which was last year. He decided to name him Jim...I don't know why! He was a little un pre-paired at first and made a box which wasn't exactly big but it was only going to be temporary. He bought sawdust with he bedded the box with which didn't last long as he found out this irritates the tortoises. He then put top soil down and made a nice place full of rocks and objects such as plants and plant pots (not forgetting a UV and heat lamp). A few months later he was moving home and had to move the tortoise but unfortunately the box broke so he lived in a shoe box while Buddy was looking for a new home; or course we constantly took him out for a wander. Sadly though Buddy's dog somehow got into his room and attacked the tortoise which had to be put down which was very sad as I loved him because he used to sleep on me!
Anyway...a few months later I decided to get him another one, and a tortoise run with a few bits and pieces. This one is called Beanz (we call him a 'he' though you can't find out till they are a bit older) and he is about 2 years old and the size of my palm. I got him from www.carlisletortoises.co.uk which was £120 including delivery. I got the run from Argos which was £60 and is a descend size, though it doesn't need to be this big. It is about a 4ft by 4ft square with a dark area and mesh over the top...keep him safe from the dog!
These are a great pet. They do require attention but not so much that you'll kill them by doing the smallest thing wrong. They can do for days without eating and drinking which you may find worrying like I do but its just what they do. Also throughout the winter they tend to stay tucked up and asleep more to stay warm.
What do they eat?
You have to make sure you review this carefully as some people thing they can eat iceberg lettuce but they actually can't. Little gems is okay for them though, Dandelion weeds are good for them and a safe bet! But not the yellow part. They also like pansies. The can also eat soft fruits, though should only be given as a treat as they may cause some runny poo's and a bad stomach!
Like I said before we have a large one that is 4ft by 4ft. At the moment we have top soil and bark in here which he seems to like; you can also just play sand. We have many decoration as they like to play and climb on things. We have large and small rocks, 2 dishes ( one for water and one for food), tunnels, plants; real ones and fake ones which they try and eat but realise they aren't real, and even leaves. Large rocks help to file down there nails as you do have to cut them. We have 2 lamps, a spot lamp and a UV lamp, both pointing round about the same area which is where our tortoise likes it most. The UV lamp provides the shell with vitamin D3 to keep it healthy.
Do they hibernate?
Yes they do, they do this at an age of 4/5. I haven't yet done this so I cannot comment on it. I do know you have to keep an eye on them though just in case they die from lack of food so make sure they are well fed through summer.
How do I wash them?
Ah I'm glad you asked :P Your meant to give them a bath almost everyday, though sometimes we miss one out as we arent home. fill our sink with a smallish amouth of warm water, enough to cover its feet but not its head! Use your hand to scoop water over its back and head etc. They will use there arms to wipe there eyes which is a bit of extra help! We use an old toothbrush to keep his shell clean; don't scrub to hard but enough to get muck off. when you take them out we put him onto a cowl or toilet paper and rub him with a cloth. Make sure you dry the soft skin where it folds near his legs as it may cause sores if not.
All in all I think horsefield tortoises are great pets, they really have there own personalities which you will know if you have one! they shouldn't bite you if you treat them well unless they're hungry and you hold your finger out for them :P
just thought I'd do this mainly because I have 1 favourite joke(number1)... its more of a joke you'd funny in person because you have to do stuff so it wont be that funny to you :P warning, may find some rude!
5. A professor at a university is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 40 students raise their hands.
"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 20 students raise their hands.
"I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" 15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response." "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic." "But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in a flannel shirt and baseball cap way in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, and says,
"Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The redneck student complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost." The student replies, "Ghost?!? Sh**it. From baaack there it sounded like you said 'goats!'".
4. Emma was finding it very annoying as her husband was always too tired after work to fool around so she went off to the market for something special. She saw a strange gypsy and went to talk to her.
The gypsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vagina' and it will start having sex with you".
So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. Later that night when her husband comes home he notices something strange in a jar on the bedside table and asks his wife what it is.
'It's a picked penis' she replied
He replies 'picked penis my ass...'
3. There were 7 dwarfs in a shower all feeling happy, but then happy got out so they started feeling grumpy instead!
2. A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
1. Once lived a wide mouthed frog in a wood. He was hoping around wondering what the other woodland creatures ate and decided to find some to ask.
he soon bumped into a deer. (You have to stretch your mouth with your fingers and talk in a deep voice for these bits, I'll mark them with a * next time!) 'Hello there Mr. Deer, I eat lots of lily's and flies, What do you like to eat?'
'Well I like to eat tulips and daffodils and grass'
(*)'Oh that's nice, well I must be going now bye!' And he hops off
Soon the wide-mouthed frog bumps into a badger
(*)'Hello Mr. Badger, I like to eat lily's and flies, what do you like to eat?'
'I like to eat worms and mice'
(*)'Oh well that's nice, I must go now bye!' and again he hops off.
This time, the wide mouthed frog bumps into a fox. The fox gives him a little grin so the wide mouthed frog decides to ask him this question.
(*)'Hello Mr. Fox, I like to eat lily's and Flies, what do you like to eat?'
'Well, I like to eat lots of thing, but my favourite thing has to be little wide mouthed frogs'
(You now how to scrunch your mouth up really small) 'Well you don't see many of those around here do you...'
That's it! They probably didn't make you laugh but they entertain me :D