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midflight

midflight
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Member since: 13.07.2000

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    • Big Breakfast, The / TV Programme / 1 Reading / 23 Ratings
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      25.05.2001 22:26
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      The Big Breakfast should carry a health warning - "STOP! This TV Programme can seriously rot your brain"... As I'm sure you're all aware, another of the methods used to control society (see my other recent opinions on the subject) is to keep public entertainment at a very low intellectual level. Hence the rise of such TV programmes as The National Lottery Live, Graham Norton, The Priory, ALL soap operas, and in particular - The Big Breakfast. (Although to be honest the list is almost endless) But the most important aspect of The Big Breakfast, as a means of control, is the time at which it is broadcast - first thing in a morning - a time when the human brain is not at it's most alert and therefore very suseptible to outside influences, subliminal messages & mind manipulation. I can only compare watching The Big Breakfast to being woken up by someone pouring thick treacle syrup in your eyes & ears. On the surface it is loud, brash, crass, saucy, colourful, wacky, in-yer-face, up-yer-nose, down-yer-trousers... everything you DON'T WANT when you've just crawled out of bed. Yet underneath all this it is actually very bland, dull, trivial, boring & pointless... everything you DON'T WANT when your life is already an endless repetitive cycle of tedious working days. Think about it. EVEN THE THEME MUSIC IS ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU GO BALD! Oh, and don't tell me "...yeah, but it used to be good when so-and-so & thingy-person was presenting it. It's gone downhill since then..." - Nonsense! It's always been total rubbish, and forever will be. Do yourself a favour, remove this inane drivel from your life asap. Make the break, change the habit of a lifetime. Do something different. Be someone else. The change will do you good. I guarantee it. Or your money back. Cheers!

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      • Religion / Discussion / 0 Readings / 15 Ratings
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        24.05.2001 18:45
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        My entire Philosophy can be summed up in just one simple sentence: "Nothing worth knowing can be understood by the brain" Show me a more beatiful sentence than that, and I'll give you 50p. Show me a sentence containing more truth, meaning, understanding & clarity in ANY religious text in the world, and I'll give you £1. Fundamentalists, Athiests - you can stick 'em all where the rain don't fall, honey - treat them 2 imposters the same and all that. How can you know? How can you not know? Yawn... gimme a break - change the record - we're all sick to death of this endless ridiculous discussion about how we all got here and what it's all about. Do something else. Try to make a difference in your own life, or make someone else happy - WITHOUT justifying it in terms of whether there's a God or not, or who's right & who's wrong. It's all such a waste of time, emotions & energy... Where would be without Religion? I hear people whimper. The answer is simple: Free. Free from another person's imposed ideas & beliefs. Religion is just yet another form of distraction (see Newspapers, Soap Operas, Sport, etc) - a way of keeping people captivated by totally meaningless issues - but for what reason? Well, I obviously can't go into that here. I'd rather YOU decide. So ask yourself - why do I believe what I do? I'd love to see your answers to that question in the 'comments' section of this opinion. I beg you - think, for a minute. Who's thoughts are in your head? Wouldn't you like to own your own mind? Imagine if you will, being born in a theatre. On a dark stage, with no windows and never ever stepping foot outside. Being raised to truly believe that the theatre was *EVERYTHING* and never being told about anything else that exists. I invite you to pause for a moment, to truly consider this situation. Now, and here'
        ;s the rub, two beautiful & simple facts: (1) What you believe isn't true. Just because it's all you've ever known or being taught, doesn't make it any more real. (2) All it would take to step outside the theatre, and into reality... is a single step. You are not a prisoner. Open the door. Take a look. Just imagine how overwhelmed you'd be. The world is a million times bigger, brighter & better than you ever imagined. Don't thank me. Just meet me down by the stream, running through the field, next to the tree, under the sun. I'll be waiting. watching. wondering... what kept you so long?

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        • The Sun / Magazine / Newspaper / 1 Reading / 18 Ratings
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          24.05.2001 17:58
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          Diversion, the primary strategy... Experience has proven that the simplest method of gaining control of the public is to keep them undisciplined and ignorant of the basic system principles on the one hand, while keeping them confused, disorganized, and distracted with matters of no real importance on the other hand. This is achieved by various means, some of which include: (1) disengaging their minds; sabotaging their mental activities; providing a low-quality program of public education; and discouraging technical creativity. (2) engaging their emotions, increasing their self-indulgence and their indulgence in emotional and physical activities, by: -unrelenting emotional affrontations and attacks (mental and emotional rape) by way of constant barrage of sex, violence, and wars in the media - especially the T.V. and the newspapers. -giving them what they desire - in excess - "junk food for thought" - and depriving them of what they really need. (3) rewriting history and law and subjecting the public to constrant distraction, thus being able to shift their thinking from personal needs to highly fabricated outside priorities. The general rule is that there is a profit in confusion; the more confusion, the more profit. Therefore, the best approach is to create problems and then offer solutions. The Sun. Lighthearted entertainment? Wrong - it's a deadly serious social warfare device. Understand?

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          • Testing in general / Archive General / 0 Readings / 0 Ratings
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            04.05.2001 14:22

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            Nice work! - Advantages: A breath of fresh air, Looks a lot better, Faster - Disadvantages: The old regulars might not like it, Possible information overload

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          • World Championship / Discussion / 0 Readings / 0 Ratings
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            04.05.2001 14:15

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            • "Not enough live matches"

            Chewing gum for the eyes - Advantages: It's on BBC, not ITV, Some exciting players, Can be relaxing - Disadvantages: No good on black & white tv, Some boring players, Not enough live matches

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            30.04.2001 20:23
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            Ah... Nelson Mandela. The very name brings to mind crazy shirts, charity pop songs & long walks to freedom. Monday 30th April 2001. Write that date down in your diary - coz it's The Day I Met Nelson Mandela... The place? Leeds City Centre. Millennium square to be exact, and I like to be. There were lots of people. And some more people. Some even carried smaller people in their arms. Lots of police, stopping people from getting too close to the action. One big stage. Two big TV screens. An atmosphere you could cut with a melon. It was all happening, and I was there to witness the whole thing. We waited. Jon Snow came on (he reads the news). Lucas Radebae from Leeds United came on (He grew up with Nelson Mandela when they were both small children). And then, just when it looked like it was all going to be one big cruel HOAX of a joke... from out of the shadows he came!!! And there he was - larger than life (Well, actually he's nowhere near as big in real life as he seems. I'd say he was about 2 or 3 inches, from where I was standing). He waved his arms. He danced a little jig. He smiled and sang. He said some words. People cheered, took photos, wept and danced for joy. I had to fight back my emotions with a large stick. I pushed my way to the front and stuck out my hand. Our eyes met, and he saw my struggle. He immediately reached out and pulled me up out of the crowd and onto the stage. Everyone went mental and I think it was around that time I passed out. I woke up backstage with the St.John's ambulance crew fussing over me. But it was all over... Nelson had left the building :-( Still, I've got my memories. Ah, Nelson Mandela. What a man. What a day...

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            • Touch The Truck (CH 5) / TV Programme / 0 Readings / 25 Ratings
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              19.03.2001 17:18
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              "Touch the truck" is one of the things - if it didn't exist, you'd have to invent it. Only, you probably couldn't... try it - get drunk for a few hours with your mates and try to come up with the most ridiculous, hilarious, mind-blowingly bizarre, tedious game show (featuring real life torture AND Dale Winton) and I bet you'd never be able to come up with "touch the truck" in a million years... Remember the old phrase used to sell countless games & puzzles in the 80's - "takes minutes to learn, a lifetime to master" - well that certainly applies here. The concept of "touch the truck" can be understood in seconds. But to master the game requires a feat of endurance almost unimaginable to any mere mortal. Let's start with the prize... a truck, or rather more accurately, a top of the range 4x4 Toyota Landcruiser Amazon worth £33,800 to be precise! How to win it? Easy... put your hand on it, and erm... don't move! Yep, that's it - keep your hand on the vehicle longer than anyone else and it's all yours. Sound easy? Well, for a start you're up against 19 other people all with the same aim, but the biggest stumbling block of all is... the game usually lasts around 4-6 days!!! Standing up. The whole time. Without sleep... Hmmm... ever missed a night's sleep? Been out on a bender and crawled into work the next morning? How rough did you feel? You're getting the picture... playing this game is like descending into hell. Some people never come back... Sure, you're allowed tiny and infrequent breaks, something like 15 minutes every 6 hours - but that's only enough to nip to the toilet and grab a bite to eat. As for the TV show itself, Channel 5 secured a real treat here, but failed to do it justice. Dale Winton was by no means the ideal host, and seemed to present the whole thing like an episode of Supermarket Sweep - which was a tad inappropriate
              considering that various contestants were hallucinating & passing out with pain and/or lack of sleep all around him! The whole spectacle could be viewed live on the Internet, via a reasonably good web site, but again there's much room for improvement. I really hope this show opens up the floodgates for many similar types of programmes. It really was a fascinating & enjoyable experience to watch. God only knows what it would feel like to actually take part!

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              • Capital punishment / Discussion / 1 Reading / 34 Ratings
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                15.02.2001 17:04
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                I think it was sometime during the writing of my 2nd novel “The Evil Beard”, which started out as being an encyclopaedia of ping-ping balls from around the world but ended up being a children’s story about a man with no ears, that the idea first occurred to me. I remember the day quite well (that’s if it really is the day I’m thinking of). I had stirred from my slumber earlier than usual for I had been awoken by the sound of a large ripping noise which I later discovered had been myself passing wind. I quickly washed, dressed and inhaled breakfast then it was straight down to the local car boot sale in a feverish attempt to complete my collection of Top Trump card games. The rain fell like a disused bitch, and after several sodden hours of peering in people’s boots, I’d officially had enough. I hadn’t managed to find anything of interest, so I started the long walk home almost in tears. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse – they didn’t. I suddenly had a massive idea the size of a small drainpipe. I almost fell off the pavement and into the arms of a passing car when the thought struck me – I couldn’t believe I hadn’t made myself think of it earlier. Without a pause, I ran all the way home and upstairs to my study. I grabbed something to write with and something to write on, and started to write. My heart was heavy and my hand a-shaking as I scribbled down my idea. I now take great pleasure in giving you the pleasure of reading exactly what I wrote, in the form of a DOOYOO opinion... Send criminals to Mars. Erm, that’s about it for now. I’m still working on fleshing it out, but I’m sure you get the basic idea – if someone does something wrong, why bother wasting time and money looking after them in a prison? Much better to just send them up in a rocket to Mars, for medical testing, etc. Sure, they might die – but everyone d
                oes eventually and they’re only criminals anyway. Obviously we could bring them back if we later found out we’d performed a gross miscarriage of justice, but that shouldn’t happen often enough to make it a problem. It would get them out of our way, and they may even be performing some actual contribution to medical space science in the process. Let’s not risk any more civilian lives shooting people up into outer space. We should be using people who can’t fit into society and live by it’s (very fair and easy to follow) rules. You know I’m right, don’t you? OK so you might not admit it just yet, but deep down you can feel in the pit of your stomach – I speak the truth. Send criminals to Mars. Think about it. That’s all I ask, it’s all I ever ask...

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                  19.12.2000 17:27
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                  What is it about tribute albums which almost always make them such an inevitable disappointment? Perhaps expectations are too high – one of your favourite bands, some of their best songs, new versions covered by bands who presumably share (some of) your passion for the artist in question. How can they fail? Well, quite easily it would seem… “Come on Beautiful” – The songs of American Music Club, recently released as a split venture by USA label ‘BigNight’ and German ‘Glitterhouse’, features 12 songs written by the heart & genius of American Music Club – Mark Eitzel. Surely one of the most original & unique songwriters of our generation, Eitzel has written many beautiful, sad & memorable songs in a style which fits neither into the genre of Pop, Rock, Folk, Country, Blues… but manages to combine elements of them all to produce something very special. Although AMC split up several years ago after releasing less than a dozen (mostly brilliant) albums, Eitzel has so far produced 3 or 4 solo albums, with varying results. Anyway, I’ll move onto reviewing this covers compilation now, as I’m sure you can check out all the AMC info you need elsewhere! 1. IDA – what holds the world together Tackling one of the highlights of the often disappointing “San Francisco” album was never going to be an easy task, but Ida manage to just about pull it off. The highly fragile quality of the original is retained, and the male/female acoustic duet works quite well, with nice vocals & subtle guitar picking. Not a bad start. 2. M. WARD – fearless This also works quite well, especially for the first 30 seconds or so. It loses focus a bit when the strange tribal drumming comes in, and the elegant piano lines of the original have been removed which is a shame, but overall it’s ok. 3. LAMBCHOP – why won’t y
                  ou stay This is the one I was really looking forward to! The choice of tracks has been great so far, and this must rank very near the top of the pile when it comes to the best of AMC songs. I’ve been a fan of the mighty Lambchop for about a year now, but it has to be said – this cover doesn’t live up to expectations. The whispered vocals just don’t work, the playing is too pedestrian and the unique spirit of the original is lost. Eitzel’s singing on the original is one of the most emotional & moving vocal performances I have ever heard, and without that I suppose any cover of this song is going to struggle. 4. JENNY TOOMEY & AMY DOMINGUES – last harbor I’ve never been a huge fan of the original of this one. It’s certainly Eitzel at his most depressed – a very bleak & dark song. This version is reasonable, but nothing too memorable. 5. CALEXIO – chanel #5 It’s become increasingly clear what’s wrong with this compilation. The songs just aren’t the same without Eitzel’s voice, which I suppose may seem like an obvious thing to say, but it’s more apparent than ever on this song, for some reason. 6. PAULA FRAZER – 4/5/92 I like this one. Paula’s voice compliments the song quite well, and manages to stay quite close to the original whilst still adding something. I think many bands involved with these kind of projects either try to do a totally different version of the original (often unrecognisable) and therefore loose all the point, or they try to make a carbon copy of the original, which is also just as pointless really! 7. WILLARD GRANT CONSPIRACY – will you find me? This is pretty awful. Why anyone would want to listen to this rather than the amazing subtlety of the original is beyond me. 8. CHRIS & CARLA – blue & grey shirt One of the all-time classic AMC s
                  ongs, this song just about sums up everything Mark Eitzel is about. This version seems a little too slow & laboured. In fact I’m being too kind – it’s not even a shadow of the original! Go seek out the original, and listen to when Eitzel sings “Where’s the compassion, to make your tired heart sing?” – if you can show me a song in which the singer injects more feeling & emotion than he does there, I would be amazed. This cover version completely lacks any trace of the immense soul of the AMC version, leaving nothing but a gaping hole where all the feeling should be. What a waste… 9. STEVE WYNN – highway 5 Yawn! Next, please… 10. VERA CLOUZOT – pale skinny girl Very forgettable 11. PORTASTATIC – firefly At last – this one’s pretty nice. The lo-fi drums sound great against the glockenspiel (or xylophone!) and the singing is listenable, although still rather weak. Not sure about the distorted guitar solo either, but at least they sound like they’re having fun! 12. DAKOTA SUITE – this year Sounds quite fresh & confident, but once again lacks the unique spirit of the original, which at the end of the day is what made AMC such a special band. They could make a relatively ordinary song like this sound so grand & involving. There are sorely missed… - Overall, a huge shame. I’m sure there are plenty of bands out there who could make more decent versions of AMC songs than the ones featured here. The Divine Comedy managed to perform a very good rendition of “Johnny Mathis’ Feet” at their live shows a couple of years ago, and I would have liked to have seen that included here. Oh well, a wasted opportunity, but no real surprise. If you’re a huge fan of American Music Club then you’ll probably want to hear this CD for yourself, but otherwise stay awa
                  y – or better still, seek out the originals instead – you’ll be glad you did!

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                    13.12.2000 20:31
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                    Hello there,

                    Since writing all my "dooyoo" articles several years ago, my opinion on many subjects has changed. This is only natural, given the essential nature of time versus the contents of one's brain, especially when being assaulted by an unrelenting barrage of external stimuli. Oh, and also the fact I tend to change my mind a lot too.

                    Unfortunately the system doesn't seem to allow one to delete opinions, only rewrite them - for which I sadly have neither the time nor the trousers.

                    Therefore, here is my latest up-to-date opinion on this particular subject...

                    It's up to you. Just don't kill anyone, ok?

                    All the very best,
                    midflight x

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                      11.12.2000 20:37
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                      My local Vicar recently asked me if I would be willing to make a speech on the true meaning of Christmas, at the local Church on Christmas Eve. Here's what I have come up with: "knowledge is power" is a very overused phrase these days, don't you think? Especially when you consider that: (1) most of the people who use it seem to possess no knowledge whatsoever, or at least anything that is actually worth knowing! (2) sales, marketing, advertising, media etc have used the phrase SO much that it has simply come to mean, "Buy our product/service/newspaper/lemon-scented-cleansing-pad and you will then have the POWER to really makes things happen in your life". Urm, yeah right! (3) they're only using half the quote! The full original quote is "knowledge is power, only through God". Yep, it basically means 'if you believe in God and live your life as a devoted Christian then what you know will be powerful. Otherwise you can know everything there is to know, and still be a fool' - geddit? Anyway, I wonder how many people who use this phrase actually realise that: (a) It's a religious phrase (b) it's almost meaningless when taken out of context. What do I mean by that? "knowledge is power". Fullstop. Hmph... knowledge of WHAT exactly? Knowing that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west doesn't give you ANY power to change it. Knowing that 2+2=4 doesn't exactly equip you with the ability to take over the world. I'm sure you can think of plenty more examples. Anyhow, this is all so far beside the point that I originally came here to speak about. Which is this: Only a true wise man realises that he knows nothing, and that knowing anything other than this is neither powerful nor can ever be meaningful. There is no truth. It's certainly not "out there". If it's anywhere it's within, but even
                      that is highly unlikely. True "power" comes from knowing nothing, or rather knowing that you know nothing. At least I think so. I wouldn't know... Thank you all, and have a smashing Christmas. God Bless!

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                      • Raging Bull (Wide Screen) (DVD) / DVD / 0 Readings / 26 Ratings
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                        04.12.2000 21:20
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                        Directed by Martin Scorsese and starring Robert De Niro (in one of his most famous and impressive roles), Raging Bull was released in 1980. To mark it’s 20th anniversary it has recently been re-released as a double DVD package. I won’t spend too much time describing the plot, as many of you will be already familiar with this classic film. The subject is boxing and I’m sure that has put many people off wanting to see this film over the years – which is a shame as it is far more interesting & thoughtful than other boxing-themed movies such as “Rocky” etc. De Niro plays "Bronx Bull" Jake La Motta, a boxer whose psychological and sexual complexities erupt into violence both in and out of the ring! Joe Pesci plays Jake’s brother who falls prey to his mounting paranoia and jealousy. Cathy Moriarty is excellent as the fifteen-year-old girl who becomes his most prized trophy. It’s a very violent 2 hour film, but makes for compelling viewing with it’s great direction & acting. The fight scenes are incredibly realistic – you’ll feel every punch! The new DVD version however is slightly disappointing. The packaging is certainly fantastic (cool slipcase, booklet, postcards etc) and although the quality of the sound & picture are fine it’s sadly non-anamorphic (enchanced for 16x9 Widescreen TVs) and there is no direct input from Scorsese or De Niro – a commentary would have been ideal or at least interviews. The bonus disc contains a 26 minute documentary and a few other things but it’s not the sort of thing you’ll really want to watch more than once. I suppose the bottom line is this: If you already own the film – it’s not really worth splashing out again for the DVD version, but if you don’t or have perhaps never seen it at all then now would be an ideal time to decide if Raging Bull deserves the many fans & awards it has w
                        on over the last 20 years.

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                          21.11.2000 21:52
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                          Listen up, folks! I have a serious warning to give you regarding Hose Pipes, and that warning is – “be careful!”. Not convinced? Well read on. It’s a TRUE story, and you must ignore it only at your peril… Several weeks ago I happened to glance out of the kitchen window and notice that all my garden plants were dying and my car was becoming so dirty I could hardly see it anymore! After a quick cry, I pondered over the problem for quite some time. I phoned a few friends to ask their advice but they were, to be honest, less than useless. Eventually I plucked up enough courage to poke my head through the hole in my neighbours fence and enquire as to what they would do in such a situation. The answer was quick and solid – BUY A HOSEPIPE. Right! I immediately rushed down to my local Garden Accessories shop, called “Alan’s Garden Accessories”. It’s a wonderful little place. He even has a sign up near the counter which reads ‘you don’t have to be a gardener to work here… but it helps’. It makes me chuckle whenever I think of it. Anyway, after carefully explaining my situation to Alan a few times he began to understand. He stood silent for about 11 minutes before suddenly raising a solitary finger and pointing it in the direction of the Garden Hose section. I thanked him and rushed over to where he had been pointing. I couldn’t believe my eyes – Garden Hoses galore! It was like Garden Hose City, in fact - long ones, fat ones, thick ones, short ones, curly ones, straight ones – the sheer diversity of hoses available for purchase was simply mind boggling – even to me, who’s mind is not easily boggled, let me tell you! After carefully examining each and every hose, I opened up the exercise book I had brought with me and started making a few notes. For hours I stood there jotting down information – length, colour, price, etc. Eventual
                          ly I reached a decision – I was going to plump for the “Hansfree Ultra Hose (with extra attachments)” priced at £34.99. I circled it in my book, thanked Alan (who was still stood in the same position, with his finger still pointing towards the hose section) and left the shop. From here I walked approximately 30 metres down the high street and into the popular chainstore known as “Argos”. I quickly found the exact same product in their catalogue for only £32.95 ! By this time I was so happy I was whistling (“whatever you want” I think it was). To say I dashed home would not be an exaggeration. I just couldn’t wait to unfurl this beauty and let the old girl rip! Quickly discarding all the package, I held the hose in my hands and admired it’s lovely green colour (with faint black stripes). At this point the phone rang. I cursed until the air turned blue, but didn’t answer it. For it was time to try the hose… So there I was, hose in hand – all connected up & raring to go. I pointed it at my car, and turned it on. First there was trickle. I felt a strange pulsing sensation running through my fingers… and then nothing. No more water. Nothing. The hose had failed, and I was heartbroken, gutted & severely disappointed – all at the same time & more besides. Naturally I tried again. I disconnected everything, made sure the tap was working (it was), made sure I had fitted all the attachments correctly (I had) and stood in position once more (I did). I held my breath, braced myself, and turned it on again. Nothing. This time not even a squirt! I don’t mind admitting I was in tears. I just didn’t know what to do. Just then my neighbour stuck his head through the hole in his fence and suggested I took the hose back to from where I had purchased it. Of course! Argos… I arrived at the store at 4:30pm. The store didn’t close until 5pm
                          so I had plenty of time to make my case heard. I strolled up the Customer Service counter and proceeded to quietly but confidently explain the whole story to the assistant behind the counter. By the end of the story I was shouting at the top of voice, my contorted face beetroot red with anger & pure driven rage. The assistant (who’s name I had scribbled down as Sharon) just looked at me like I had landed in a spaceship and said “did you try turning it on?”. At this point I snapped. I grabbed the hose and shook it above my head, screaming “try it yourself if you don’t believe me!!!”. So she did (luckily there was a tap in a back room which meant that the hose was just long enough to reach out to the shopfloor). The tap was turned on. Nothing happened. “Hmmm…”, she said. “Hmmm…indeed!” I replied. To cut a long story short, the supervisor (Jason) was called. He tried it. It didn’t work. Finally, the Store Manager was summoned. He was so important that he didn’t have a name badge on, but I managed to find out later his name was Charles. He tried it. No water flowed. He looked very puzzled, “there must be a blockage of some kind” he said. I grabbed the hose and looked down the end – I told him I couldn’t see anything. I passed it to Sharon – she couldn’t see anything. She passed it to Jason – he had a good look down the end of the hose and he couldn’t make anything out either. Now it was the Store Manager’s turn. He took the hose in both hands and looked closely down the end. Oh dear! All of a sudden, water exploded out hitting him directly between the eyes. Everyone was stunned, and nobody quite knew what to do. The water was now shooting out at full force and had caused Charles to loose control of the hose and drop it. Looking back, I’m sure he will be the first to admit that this was a big mistake. For the hose now had a life
                          of it’s own and was spinning wildly out of control, showering the whole store full of water! The obvious “Turn the tap off” cry went up. “It’s stuck!” came the feeble reply. Ooops. The store was now filling rapidly with water and customers were actually being blasted out of the shop, running for their lives, and who could blame them!? Almost total chaos was looming, and I didn’t like the look of it… I’m not entirely sure how things ended up, for during the confusion I managed to make good my escape. I was pretty drenched when I got home, but soon dried off in front of the fire with a mug of hot chocolate and an episode of “The weakest link”. A few days later I heard someone say that the shop had closed down, and the last time I saw Charles he was selling The Big Issue on some street corner. Shame really, I suppose - considering he was the one who actually got the hose to start working in the end! And as for the hose (not to mention my dirty car & thirsty garden)? Well Alan (from Alan’s Garden Accessories) saved the day in the end. The following week he was having a sale and his hose was reduced to just £17.99 and it worked fine first time! Everything is now perfect in my life, and in some small way I feel lucky to be alive. But remember – hoses can be dangerous things! Not just using them, but also buying or returning them to the shop can turn out to be the most harrowing experience imaginable. But that’s just my opinion…

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                          • NME / Magazine / Newspaper / 0 Readings / 27 Ratings
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                            20.11.2000 16:39
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                            I think both the NME & nme.com have to be careful not to go down the same dodgy route as Melody Maker, which as everyone knows has taken a total nosedive over the last year or so (Every person I have spoken to about Melody Maker says the same thing - it's become like a very bad version of Smash Hits!) The NME should not be frightened of exploring the more alternative areas of music. I believe that Mel C, Robbie Williams, All Saints, etc should NOT be featured in the NME, even if only to take the piss out of them - any exposure is giving them credibilty. Rather than constantly championing well-established acts like Blur, Oasis, Manics, Travis, etc... they should move on and focus on more obscure artists who are just as deserving on attention - people who are actually trying to do something DIFFERENT & WORTHWHILE rather than endlessly re-treading the same old tunes & themes. As we all know, over the last 10 years the line between "indie" & "mainstream" has become very blurred - to the point where now it is almost meaningless (Britney Spears tops the Indie Chart. Hmmm...) It is therefore more important than ever that we approach all forms of music with an open mind, make our own decisions about what we like, and do not allow ourselves to be simply sold to. It worries me that I'm probably missing out on some really great music because nobody is writing about it for fearing of possibly appearing different or being wrong. What the NME needs right now is someone like Paul Morley (who wrote for them between 1978 & 1983) who spoke his mind and wasn't afraid of the consequences. Many of today's writers are just so bland & boring. I really hope the NME can get it's act together pretty soon. I don't think I've ever been so close to not bothering buying it anymore (in over 10 years)... Oh well, as I have always said - Biscuits are the new Rock n Roll!

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                            • Friends / TV Programme / 0 Readings / 22 Ratings
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                              20.11.2000 05:58
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                              Allo peeps! I've just been reading some of the excellent opinions on the subject of "Friends" and it reminded me of an idea I had sometime ago about how they could end the series (assuming they ever wanted to)... Basically, in the final episode they somehow come to realise that they are all just characters in an American TV sitcom - that they are not real people at all and have no free will of their own, and are completely at the mercy of the script writers. Everything they believed was real is revealed as being nothing more than entertainment and they don't actually exist outside the show. They try to come to terms with this. The episode then turns into a battle whereby they try to "break out" of character, etc... Finally they realise that even their new found "self-realisation" has also been carefully planned and that they only discovered the secret because they had been made to. It ends where they find the actual script for that episode and discover that this is the final show! As they turn the pages they read the whole story exactly as it's just happened. They reach the final page and it has them finding & reading the script, just as they are doing... It finally dawns on them that resistance is not only futile but also completely meaningless... they accept that the end has come & must be faced with dignity. Cue the tears, flashbacks, music, etc - then fade to black... Well - what do you all think? Needs a little work, maybe - but the concept is there. I think it would certainly be a ratings winner, although a lot of people might find it very weird. I just think it would such a cool & interesting way to end things. Bye for now!

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