Long Head Double Jaw Dribble-a-lot (Alien 3 (DVD))

Member Name: dave27

Product:	Alien 3 (DVD)
Date:	22/08/01 (84 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: The world it's in

Disadvantages: Too old a theme

Calling Ripley, calling Ripley....

Dear old Sigourney, you feisty vixen, you'll be famous for ever for one reason and one reason only. Forget 'Working Girl' (I wish) and 'Gorillas In The Mist' (if only), Ms Weaver's claim to fame is undoubtedly down to just one thing - her lengthy, slip-slidy and very slimily unpleasant relationship with old Long Head Double Jaw Dribble-a-lot, the ALIEN.

Old Leather Head's a mite long in the tooth now and any pretence of mystery and dark shades have long since gone and the Alien series now relies exclusively on the suspense of how many people are going to survive the onslaught and how they're going to temporarily consign the world's favourite extra terrestrial to the dumper this time.

The original 'Alien' was pretty scary and enormously dark fun. 'Aliens' was a handy enough sequel, but 'Alien 3' was bizarre indeed with the whole cast (which also sported Brian Glover, Charles Dance and Paul McGann) in skinhead mode to avoid the nits.

I've never really been able to settle my mind on whether it was very good or very bad, but I know that it's always been something of a fascinating exercise watching it, almost like watching the last days of mankind in some sort of abysmal Purgatory with the Spawn of the Devil eagerly hunting our Siggy and her collection of odd and ugly little chums.

The film kicks off darkly enough in flashback mode with Siggy's ship floating helplessly across space, the final frontier, after her last escapade in alien baiting and suddenly she's down, crash landed on some sort of prison planet, with all the very worst dregs of the male race her captive audience. Siggy's the only survivor of the doomed craft and Newt her little girlie chum and everybody has gone to the alien hunting fields in the sky. I bet dear old Siggy wished she could have joined them as the nightmare begins again.


If truth be known, the dark and eerie opening of this film and the performance of the late Brian Glover (former wrestler Leon Arras) are the key things about the whole oddity. Glover's his wide mouthed Yorkshireman stereotype, although he goes for his received English accent - he was at his peak as the bullying schoolteacher in 'Kes' - he's hard and unpleasant and totally wonderful, while Charlie Dance is all freckly skin, gingery hair and simmering English passion with a smug little smirk. I think he's supposed to be sexy, but he's just a creepy loser.

The presence of a woman - even one as avowedly butch as Ripley - is clearly a potentially disruptive influence among the prisoners and no amount of bromide is going to get in their way, although frankly these fellas are as likely to try penetrating the Rottweiler we see at the start as darling Siggy.

Unfortunately the Alien's acid blood drips on the doggie and soon after it cops the last rites, so immediately Siggy's on everyone's hit list, although a bunch as weird as this has more than just rampant sex on its collective mind.

Siggy persuades Chuckie to carry out an autopsy on Newt to establish whether she's been host to an alien and there's some nice grinding of blade through the ribcage but little in the way of alien matter about the place. Despite this Siggy wants to burn all the bodies, but Big Brian wants to put them on ice. "We don't want ripples in the water, and we don't want a woman wandering round giving them ideas." Ooh you're so PC, Bri...


The world on which Siggy has inadvertently landed is a nightmare come to life, a sort of latter day Hell with the hordes of Satan wandering round in very dirty and scraggy old rags. That at least is a well conceived piece of cinematic creation and the shadowy prison world in which the action is played out is claustrophobically perfect for playing out the fig
ht to the finish.

Of course, the difference with this third film in the series (as well as Siggy's lovely Sinead O'Connor crew cut) is the neat little twist that she's carrying one of the nasty little buggers inside her body and is so the host for the hated master race and safe from their spiteful clutches as a result. I mean you wouldn't want to slaughter your Nanny now would you?


This film does, in fact, have quite a lot going for it, although it doesn't have the same darkness and tension as the first two episodes. The world in which the action is placed is wonderful and thoughtfully realised. There's a constant underlying tension among the seething breed of sub-humanity which wanders around and there's enough nastiness amongst them to make the whole atmosphere one of barely disguised threatening hatred. They hate each other probably more than they do Old Nasty, but they've got to stick together to win through, so some pretty nasty unholy alliances are developed and the Alien itself is spectacularly vicious in its thrashing around.

For all that, it just feels less gripping and more irritating than the first two. Too much play is made of the relationship and interplay between Weaver and Dance and it just gets to be very dull and boring the longer it goes on. I find Dance annoying at the best of times and here he's just abominable as the closest thing there is to male goodness. Sickly old freckle man...

Once I start watching this film, it's very difficult to stop, but it's always a real pain to start. It feels very much like the concept has been stretched beyond its limitations and that nothing was gained by this episode. The symbolism of the destroyer of the Aliens becoming the mother of the new race is a bit too in yer face to be genuinely chilling. It's definitely a case of an opportunity missed, unfortunately.....

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