In the budget section no-one can hear you scream (Aliens vs Predator: Requiem (DVD))

Member Name: Wolfzilla

Product:	Aliens vs Predator: Requiem (DVD)
Date:	25/06/08 (139 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Well...um...

Disadvantages: Pretty much everything

As a fan of both the franchises that merged to form Aliens Vs. Predator, you would think I would be used to disappointment by now. Both individually and combined the franchises have had some thoroughly awful merchandise released, hell you could probably write a book on the amount of dreadful videogame tie-ins alone. Yet nothing prepared me for the low blow that was the rather dreadful eventual Alien Vs. Predator movie. Perhaps because it was the portrayal of the crossover I most wanted to succeed, but how utterly disappointing Paul 'Resident Evil' Anderson's movie was is a blow I thought the franchise simply couldn't recover from. Then almost out of nowhere cropped up Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem, complete with the promise of the infamous 'Predalien' cross between the two species. While it would be wrong to say I wasn't interested, it never inspired me enough to go to the cinema to see it. Now it's on DVD I thought I'd give it a whirl and see if Colin and Greg Strauss could do what Anderson couldn't.

The first point raised by the film is in it's very title. Requim. This is a bizarre suffix that one can only speculate was added for one of two reasons. 1. Because they are pretending the first AvP didn't happen or 2. Because of the backlash the first film got for not being 'R' rated in America, they really wanted the film's abbreviated title to be AvP: R, symbolic of its rating (hilariously, over here its still just a 15) To be honest it's probably a bit of both. That and putting a number in your sequel title is so passé.

For those who've never seen or are unaware of the plots of the two series' involved, firstly shame on you, but I'll give a brief rundown. The 'aliens' (kind of a funny title given both species are patently from outwith Earth) are sort of space-parasites. Beginning life as 'face-huggers', spider-like things hatched from eggs lain by a Queen alien, they latch onto people's faces and lay themselves an alien creature, which introduces itself by bursting out of its hosts' chest. There are 4 films in the series, all set in the far future and featuring plots about Sigourney Weaver killing them. Predators are alien big-game hunters to come to Earth to hunt humans. Kind of like a Sci-Fi slanted 'The Most Dangerous Game'. There are 2 Predator movies, one set in the South American jungle starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and a sequel set in LA with Danny Glover scrapping with the creature. Predator 2 is often credited with giving birth to the Aliens Vs. Predator concept, with an alien skull mounted on the Predator's wall as a sort of Easter egg for fans.

So anyway, after Anderson's bizarre thing about pyramids in the arctic, Requiem brings things a lot closer to home. Well, providing you live in Colorado. See, shortly after the end of AvP, when a Predator impregnated by an alien face-hugger gave birth to the 'Predalien' in a spacecraft above Earth, said hybrid went a bit nuts and ended up crashing the ship in Colorado and killing all the Predators onboard. As well as the Predalien, a couple of face huggers get loose and before you know it they are making their way into town.

Speaking of town, we get to meet some of its inhabitants, and oh what a unique lot they are. Our main protagonist is a chap named Dallas, who is returning to town after a few years away, and back to try and make good after his bad-boy past (exactly what he did they never actually get around to saying, but it paints a pretty clear message he's the good guy-rebel) His little brother Ricky, a pizza boy who pines for the School Hottie With a Heart Jesse, endures the wrath of her jock boyfriend Dale. Further bolstering this populace are the Sheriff and Dallas' old buddy Eddie and Kelly, a soldier returning from duty whose daughter doesn't respond to her due to her lack of presence. This lot basically bumble about until the aliens hit town and they realise they have to try and fight them with what little weaponry they have.

However, answering a distress beacon from the fallen spacecraft comes another Predator, who has his work cut out for him as the aliens start to infest the town and the military begin to take notice...

Yeah, in case you didn't pick up, the plot for Requiem is abysmal. AvP was pretty dumb but I think I preferred it's delusions of grandeur to the absolutely uninspired, and often nonsensical thing attempted to be passed off as plot here. While the Strauss' brothers probably thought they were being edgy by doing a few unexpected moves, killing a kid and one of the main characters, the fact is they come across as nothing more than what they are, pointless shock tactics that don't even really shock, at best raising an eyebrow for a moment.

The characters, every single one of them, are rock-bottom awful. We are never given any reason to sympathise with any of them, we're simply expected to get behind Dallas because he's rugged, handsome and wears a leather jacket. Honestly, there is not a single unique characteristic to be found in any of Requiem's cast. It is the most painful display of by-the-numbers cliché characters I've ever seen.

Actually wait, there's one character who was quite unique...the Predator. In all their prior cinematic outings the Predators have been awesome, huge, calculating hunters with out-of-this-world weaponry and tactics. Requiem's Predator is unique in that he is completely and utterly inconsequential to the movie. Genuinely, there is no point in him even being there. He just sort of minces about and shows up occasionally to shoot an alien. Come to think of it the much heralded Predalien is rubbish as well. It acts no different to regular aliens, and it's only differences are it's breeding habits (which, if your being generous you could say are inherited from Predator biology, but a more acceptable reading is that the filmmakers just plain didn't know what they were doing) and gratuitous mandibles and dreadlocks attached to it's head. It's laughable really.

The film is essentially a run-of-the-mill Small Town gets infested by monster film, only Fox have given the makers permission to use the Alien and Predator characters. There is precious little reference to other films in the series, which makes me wonder if this was even originally conceived as an AvP film. It's like those Hellraiser sequels that are nothing to do with anything, they just happen to have Doug Bradley dressed as Pinhead buying a curry in the background of a scene or something, a sorry attempt to cash in on established characters and the fan base they bring.

The production of the film is likewise atrocious. As with Michael Bay's Transformers, the fight scenes were evidently shot by someone who has never seen, or enjoyed, an action movie in their life, as the camera is too close in to make out anything. Visibility is further hampered by the Strauss' bros decision to film the entire thing at night, with little-to-no lighting. Its so bad that at times you'll actually find yourself adjusting the brightness of your tv to try and get some worth out of your DVD.

Of course, it becomes clear that the reason everything is so dark is that the special effects are cringe inducing. From the opening sequence, the least convincing act of 'chest bursting' ever put to film to the horribly designed and plastic looking alien heads, the film is an absolute joke effects wise. Of course, the setting doesn't help. The aliens just look so absurdly out of place running about small-town Colorado, and the way the Predator storms about the town woods as opposed to the Amazon jungles of the original is a comparison it's hard not to laugh at.

The deathblow to the film is the cast though. Fair enough they are dealing with outrageously badly written roles, but this ensemble of tv actors doesn't contain a single shining light. There was talk of Bill Paxton taking a role, which could have given the film something to hold onto, someone with the ability to make a dull role that bit more exciting. A few of the cast, Steven Pasquale (Dallas) and Reiko Aylesworth (Kelly) are passable, but for the most part the actors really do leave a lot to be desired. We're not even talking likable bad here, I mean Channel 5 Soap Opera bad.

When all is said and done, there is only one good thing about Requiem: it actually makes Anderson's AvP movie seem a whole lot better. It was a disappointing movie, but all of a sudden it's failings seem a lot more forgivable when sat next to this cookie-cut abomination. I genuinely have nothing good to say about this waste of film and time. It's awful. Really. Worst of all its probably tarnished the classic films in both series, because now when I think of Aliens or Predator, I'm going to be unable to not bring into my head this thoroughly awful movie and it's hard to think positive when you have a movie so insipidly bad on your mind.

Summary: A film so awful it only makes you appreciate Paul WS Anderson's crappy attempt at a crossover