Alone In The Dark (DVD)

For movie fans, Uwe Boll is a modern Ed Wood, only without the charm. His name is legendary amongst movie buffs for being the worse filmmaker on the planet right now, and some of his films must qualify as serious contenders for the worst film of all time. Knowing his reputation, I wanted to rent one of his movies so I could see exactly how mindnumbing the awfulness on display would be. Alone in the Dark is an unbelieveably, extraordinarily, inexpressibly bad film. The "plot" (if it deserves such a name) is based around a group of teens who turn up on a deserted desert island for a very naughty rave (as you do). However, when they arrive there, ...  Read the complete review

Most of the people who have reviewed 'Alone In The Dark' have done some sort of play on words to make good use of a literary and relevant way of explaining just how bad this film is. To be honest, the film is that bad, I really can't be bothered to waste my time finding a play on words. Oh, hang on: how about: 'Watch this alone in the dark so no else knows you've seen it and takes the proverbial out of you for doing so!' Ooh, ooh, I've got another one: 'This film makes me want to sit alone in the dark and cry because I've just wasted an hour of my time!' Similarly, you could use: 'Alone In The Dark is a pile of crap!' Yes, you've guessed it. I didn't ...  Read the complete review

72. Alone in the Dark (2005) [film only] Or more accurately, small groups of people in dimly lit locations, shooting wildly at CGI and random extras with whited out faces. If I were to choose one word to sum up this film it would be 'why'. In fact, why oh why oh why? Really. What makes anyone think that taking a generic computer game that borrows from older films and stories, and turning it into a movie, will produce anything other than an unoriginal generic movie. Although, according to gamers, the film's plot has little to do with the game beyond using the same characters. Add Uwe Boll to direct it and the producers may as well stick all their money on ...  Read the complete review

Another Uwe Boll video game adaptation, Alone In The Dark - or, The Relic, as it would no doubt be known if The Relic hadn't had the audacity to show up first - is, much like any Boll picture you care to mention, an hour and a half tug of war between vast stretches of almost unbearable tedium and short bursts of truly insane, inconsistent, confusing, illogical digi-action that often feel like sequences too poorly to perform in other, better action pictures, sequences that have come crawling to Boll's feet to die. The opening chase business, for example, wherein Christian Slater in a taxi is chased by Someone Else for a time before the pair of them bound out ...  Read the complete review

Shlock maestro has made some terrible films in the past, such as House of the Dead, Bloodrayne, and Far Cry. Alone in the Dark, however, is something else - an unfunny, self-serious film (adapted from the popular video game series) that doesn't even have the cheesy fun that particularly House of the Dead did - this is a murky, terribly directed film that makes veritable mince meat out of lead Christian Slater. What's noticeable to fans of the games is that the tone has been vastly changed - although the Edward Carnby character is back (played by Slater), he's embroiled in a plot that's more about ruins and disinteresting ancient artefacts than the somewhat ...  Read the complete review