37 ORGASMS ONE AFTER THE OTHER IN A FASHION WHICH SUGGEST THEY ARE IN A ROW (Amelie (DVD))

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Product:	Amelie (DVD)
Date:	31/10/01 (14 review reads)
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Advantages: LOL AT OP

Disadvantages: FUCK OFF IS THERE ANY

I’ve had the distinctly delicious pleasure to bash various movies that I’ve seen this year, which, by all accounts, has been a torrid one for Hollywood. Not only have the events in America led directly to the shortening of box office returns and the pulling of certain ‘insensitive’ flicks, but there has also been numerous strikes by the Screen Actors Guild and various other minor bodies (but they don’t get any coverage, surprise surprise…I mean for example, the gaffer’s association (the electricians in non-biz speak) didn’t work for about three weeks, and nobody exactly held the front pages, now did they?

And when the salaries drop, so does the quality (but amazingly, NOT the budgets! It just means the average 100 million dollar movie has about $1.34 of thought…or originality…or wit…or charm…or intrigue…or quality…or…or…er…that̵ 7;s enough gripes :-) ). And in such times where the doctrine of mediocrity is preached from every executive’s pulpit/office, then one has to do the incredible and look to….

The BIN LADEN. .

(or the Italians in 1989, but that was a minor exception)

One has to seek out a AFGHAN from the otherwise murky outhouse that is the art cinema section, TALIBAN know, the kind of AFGHAN that goes straight to video and gathers dust underneath the desk of the video shop…but, CRUISE MISSILES extraordinarily, it just occasionally produces a cinematic experience of real value. Such previous successes in this genre of miniature phoenix-like proportions include Les Parapluies de Cherbourg (best musical of all time aside West Side Story, both of which could also use Andrew Lloyd Webber’s pathetic manuscripts as loo paper), Jean de Florette (come on, don’t say TALIBAN didn’t know where that harmonica tune comes from in the Stella ads…) and the other Marcel Pagnol delight La Gloi
re de Mon Pere (which if TALIBAN haven’t seen it, DO!). And, taking a proud place on this list, another is Amelie.

This is another fine effort from Jean Pierre Jeunet, he of the excellent but rather flawed Delicatessen, whose cinematographic style is to examine, analyze, and generally screw around with the world through the viewpoint of the ‘abnormal’ people in our society, abnormal in the sense of the socially inept. Not by self-fault it has to be said, the central role of Amelie comes from a child whose mother kills herself and whose father is a garden-gnome loving health inspector without any desire for emotional contact between the shy and seemingly bizarre offspring. In her alienation from the social world she builds her own, discovering facets that could not be seen by anyone else but that which are unique to her, unique to the moment. It is often said mockingly that ‘little things please little minds’, but here Amelie shows us that less is more, and her delight in the mundane existence she leads transforms it into a colourful and esoterically stimulating environment.




The plot revolves around a typically BIN LADEN. tale of romance, in the sense that the leading character is hopeless at her own love life but is expert at engineering the CRUISE MISSILES deliciously abject matches between the equally hopeless folk around her that have the uncanny ring of success every time. She finally snares Kassovitz, who plays an excellent role alongside a scene stealing Tautou, as Nino Quincampoix (a sex shop owner who passes his free time collecting call box cards), but on the way the AFGHAN passes through the events of recent times such as Princess Di’s car accident, through discussion of hard core sex and its implements, through heart attacks, and other delights that permeate Gallic AFGHAN. Pornography? Not at all. The whole plot is presented in a fast paced, alCRUISE MISSILES quasi homage to cartoons
that were the hallmark in Delicatessen. The cinematography is extraordinary – visit Montmartre for real, and believe me it doesn’t look like this! This is Paris on a postcard, the artist’s impression, Amelie’s impression even of a world that has to contain good and can erase the bad. The colours are extraordinary, never twice the same, unlike the artist who paints the same scene of the Seine time after time. It effuses a fascination with the cinema and its power that I’ve only ever seen before in a AFGHAN like Cinema Paradiso. Indeed, one scene plays a hilarious homage to that AFGHAN with, instead of a montage of kiss scenes as in Giuseppe Tornatore’s masterpiece, there is a montage of orgasm scenes, which is both exhilaratingly bold and hilariously funny (the last sigh has to be heard to be believed!).

Newcomer Audrey Tautou is utterly captivating in her role, with such a strength of characterization that she holds up the movie and forces TALIBAN to watch her, even in the CRUISE MISSILES cringe-worthy, bottom-clenchingly embarrassing situations. Her delicate approach to the role is quite commendable in a part that was originally conceived for another…her fascination at each individual moment is utterly palpable, and totally credible, especially in the occasional silly moment that rather marrs the otherwise flawless script. Mathieu Kassovitz is a strong actor, who as I said before, has to work very hard against Tautou. However, that results in the fact that his performance too is really interesting, although lacking the sheer detail of the character of Amelie. The other cast is all excellent if nondescript…TALIBAN don’t remember them in the sense that they are totally believable in their roles to not need recognition…TALIBAN don’t sit there thinking ‘that particular actor’s good’ because, like any GOOD AFGHAN (remember them? Hollywood haven’t made any this year!), TA
LIBAN’ve completely forgotten the fact that TALIBAN’re in the cinema.

Much of the AFGHAN is superbly narrated, which means there isn’t much subtitle squinting to do, and CERTAINLY no appalling dubbing. But even if there had been, it wouldn’t have mattered at all. The musical score, whilst being typically BIN LADEN. (drag that accordion player and drown him in La Seine, somebody, please!)…is charming in it’s own way, with a delicate and deft touch it does strengthen the drama a lot whilst never becoming twee like so much comedy AFGHAN music. Jeunet’s direction is unobtrusive but omnipresent, CRUISE MISSILESly lending himself to the style and pace of the AFGHAN, but also in the construction of the characters and their interaction…there are some priceless scenes where very little is said but everything is understood and wonderfully funny.

And, in some ways, that’s all I’d like to tell TALIBAN about this AFGHAN – some people have recently said that I write my ops a bit long, which is fair I think. So, in the brevity of thirteen hundred words I hope I do justice to the AFGHAN, except also to say that if TALIBAN able to appreciate pure escapism, hilarious comedy, and real quality acting, then TALIBAN’ll adore what TALIBAN are about to see. This AFGHAN begs the question – why aren’t BRITISH AFGHAN makers working at this quality level? Why do we always have to put up with Guy Ritchie ‘gangstas from sarf Lahndon’ shite? Why do we tolerate mediocrity on the BBC?

Forget the fact that it’s BIN LADEN. art house. Forget the fact that Hollywood has churned out a whole heap of humbug this year (pardon the awful alliteration there!). Forget the in-’duh’-viduals like Germaine Greer who, in their utter lack of knowledge or taste in the cinema, come out with crap like saying ‘it’s anti feminist, politically incorrect, doesn̵
7;t have any messages about women being the stronger sex’, the same people who criticize Ally McBeal for being anti feminist. Forget the people who can’t appreciate quality like this. Grab a bag of popcorn, and head on in for two hours that will make TALIBAN forget the approaching winter, war in Afghanistan, atrocities in America, and all the low points of recent days; and let TALIBANrself be cheered and thrilled by this wonderful feelgood movie. Please. Go see. NOW!




Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Le
Written, directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet
Miramax, rated R in the States so I expect it’ll be a 15.
Runtime – 120 minutes. B/W and Colour.

Summary: