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OK. Here's the review when I finally, irretrievably lose any respect I ever had on Dooyoo.
You know those films that are so unbelievably bad that they actually become fun in a ridiculously stupid kind of way? Do you like them? If so, Anaconda is a rare treat for you. A film so bad it should have its own special category at the Oscars: the Anaconda Award for Extraordinary Badness.
There's no evidence that anyone involved in this huge pile of tripe thought that they were making a deliberately bad, tongue in cheek nod to dodgy creature features of old. You honestly get the impression that they really intended to make a standard actioner, but ended up with something that it's impossible to take seriously. Yet despite all this, Anaconda offers a perverse kind of fun if watched in the right spirit.
Its tepid and wholly unoriginal plot follows the (mis)adventures of a film crew who set out through the Brazilian rainforests to film a lost tribe. Along the way they are kidnapped by an insane hunter who is looking to capture a 40 foot long anaconda alive... You can probably guess where the film goes from there.
Still failing to show even the slightest spark of originality, it follows that well worn path of the crew gradually getting picked off one by one as they are eaten by the very snake they are trying to capture. Yes, it's Alien without the fins... or the blood... or the scares... or indeed anything that made Alien so good.
What it DOES have is a plastic snake (or more accurately, lots of plastic snakes) - and there's not many films you can say that about! Remember those jointed plastic snakes you used to have as kid; you know the ones where you held the tail and its head wiggled around? Well, I'm pretty sure that one of those was used for some of the close ups! The snake seems to have a permanent slightly bemused look on its face, as if it's wondering how on earth its agent could have signed it up for such dross. At one stage, when holding a plastic snake, Jon Voight even has to shake it to try and make it look as if it is alive (he fails). Yep, Anaconda was made on a shoestring budget alright (in fact, some of the snakes might even BE shoestrings...) Best of all, though, the snake even manages to growl and shriek! Yes, in the face of all known zoological evidence, this snake can communicate. That's one clever snake: you can see why they want to catch it!
Occasionally, if we're really lucky, we get a CGI snake, which is something REALLY special. True, the effects look like they were rendered on a Sinclair ZX81, but hey! They made the effort, so leave off 'em, right? Yes, this is one of those films where the vision is clearly a lot grander than the budget. Like the rest of the film, though, there is something so endearingly bad about the special effects that they provide a great source of (unwitting) entertainment. Let's just hope the SFX guys have since gone on to bigger and better things (not that this would be difficult)... or that they've never been allowed near a special effects film again.
Mind you, if the snake looks fake, wait until you see some of the acting. We're in the land of totally one dimensional characters here, combined with acting so bad trees would take offence if you called it wooden. There's the slightly shifty boat captain, the loved-up couple and the pompous Brit. Place your bets now, ladies and gentlemen, which one gets to die first? Then, there's Jennifer Lopez's utterly bland Terri Flores, showing not a spark of personality or imagination. She's so wooden that at times you wonder why, when the boat gets into trouble, they don't just all climb on her and row to safety. Her key aim in this film appears to be to try and look good in a pair of shorts and vest top. At one point Flores memorably says "this film was meant to be my big break. Instead it's turned into a disaster." It's the most heartfelt line in the whole film and you begin to wonder whether Lopez is just reflecting on the likelihood of her own career surviving this.
The "Acting Disaster" award, though, has to go to Jon Voight as mysterious hunter Sarone. He doesn't so much take the biscuit as run away giggling with the entire packet. Voight's role comes with more ham than a butchers' convention and he seems to mistake pulling funny faces for acting. He definitely appears under the impression that by gurning his way through the entire film, this will somehow make him likeable. Strangely, it works. Voight is by far the most fun and fleshed out character in the whole film (not that that's saying a great deal) and is possibly the only person in it who realizes this is not meant to be taken seriously. Mind you, he decides to go all "Method" on us, giving Sarone a totally bizarre accent that is meant to be Paraguayan, but just sounds like his throat is all bunged up.
I could go on: the cheesy, rubbish ending, the corny dialogue, the total lack of any sense of danger, but you probably get the message by now. The thing is though; Anaconda somehow manages to overcome all of these things. It becomes so bad, that - if you ignore the fact that it's meant to be horror and watch it instead as a comedy - it's fun and funny. It will have you laughing out loud at just how irredeemably bad it is. Anaconda is one of those guilty pleasures. I must have watched it now about 4 or 5 times and it's STILL a great source of amusement to me each time - and there's many "proper comedies" I can't say that about!
Of course, the downside to all of this is that if you expect a "proper" horror, you're going to be very disappointed. All you'll see is the awful, predictable plotting, the appalling special effects, the wooden acting and the cheesy, clichéd characters. Even with its slim running time of 89 minutes, the joke starts to wear thin towards the end of the film. There's only so many times you can watch a really poor special effect kill an equally poor character. Watch it in the right frame of mind, though, and it's an (unintentional) comedy gem.
Anaconda is one of those Friday/Saturday night films. It's not so much a B Movie as a Z Movie and definitely gains membership into that exclusive "so bad, it's good" club. Of course, I'm not going to go overboard and give it four or five stars, or convince you that it's one of the best horror films ever made. It's not: it's absolute rubbish; pure and simple. But heaven help me, try as I might, I can't help but like it. It's car crash film-making, made even funnier by the fact that everyone in it seems to think they are making a celluloid gem. Sit down with some alcohol inside you, stick it on and have a laugh at its extraordinary badness. Watch it with a straight face though, and you'll wonder what on earth everyone involved was thinking of.
Director: Luis Llosa
Running time: approx. 89 minutes
© Copyright SWSt 2008
There are Apex of things in this world, the tallest is Himalayas, widest are the oceans and the biggest is the Niagara Falls. The best written words are which create images in the mind for the things read.
The film Anaconda had its glory in special effects and computer animations, the visuals are moving and effective, they easily stick in the mind, the lighting was superb, the great outdoor locations were green and relaxing to look at, exotic superb acting by Jon Voight(Paul Sarone) and the praise stops here only.
The beautiful object to watch in this film was Anaconda the big snake, its a creepy, slimy and hissy thing which could never sprout in me affectionate feelings, all the actors including the snake were like cartoons moving around, it was crazy to see big snake overtaking humans in its chase on the land, its a very slothy animal in reality, the crazy indigestible sound made by Anaconda was a downer, the sound of Anaconda was a big setback to this film.
Owen Wilson was wasted in this film, he is a watch able actor, alas money wasted, I always say stick to the field of specialization, Jennifer Lopez (Terri Flores) should remain a singer, she is good at that, she will have value as a singer, her face is too familiar for us to accept her as a actor or a character in a film, here she is representing a scientist from National Geographic expedition whenever I see Terri (Lopez) I have strong images floating in front of my eyes of her taking a bath under a waterfall and singing songs in a beautiful voice, how do I divorce myself from this image, could we the viewers force ourselves to give her identity of a National Geographic Scientist, it is beyond me, we should not be subjected to these useless experiments by directors or story writers, I will accept Jennifer Lopez as one of the Charlies Angels, but not a documenter of a native South American tribe. She has a larger than life image only roles with bigger landscape will suit her, LARA CROFT can suit her, but phuleeeese TOMB RAIDER what a dumb name ever given to a film, who will in his right senses will root for a person disturbing the tombs of other people. Lara Croft can do other adventure works, the film will work with Jennifer Lopez, she is good, but the Head of Expedition in Anaconda is bad.
Lets take a brief look at the story of Anaconda.
Terri Flores (Jennifer Lopez) leads a National Geographic expedition in the Amazon, also there is Steve Cale (Eric Stoltz) they want to document a South American tribe. But they rescue a strange man (Jon Voight) from a sinking ship, this stranger takes over the boat and forces everyone to hunt down the anaconda, the biggest freak snake in the world. This is a movie Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube and Owen Wilson wish they have never acted in it.
There is no humor in our film, only 2 hooks provide us some interest, the special effects and the terror of Anaconda killing people without any reason at all, does Paul Sarone know people are dying in his hunt to capture Anaconda ? There was this one special effect which hindered me from taking my regular meals, the man shape in the tubular belly of Anaconda, filmed beautifully under water, its a powerful visual effect.
The blood and killings were useless, the illness of Eric Stoltz was useless, some repulsive scenes like the vomiting of Anaconda was vomit evoking scene. It did gave me vomiting sensations, but I would like to ask the makers of this film, Why is it necessary to show us all this adverse visuals, are they entertaining ? I mean are we sick to enjoy these type of things ?
This proves my point that the film was hijacked by the director of computer animations and visual effects experts from the hands of the director of this film (Luis Llosa) the visual effects people fried a giant Anaconda for the taste of us all viewers, this dish was to highlight their skills more than the story or the actors. This dish is unpalatable by any standards.
Expert Animators are no authority on entertainment, neither are they capable of stitching scenes of their zappy graphics with live actors well, this all lent a ugliness to anaconda and it looked very silly in the end. The jumping, the standing on its tail and catching the prey in mid air, I know Cobras can stand on its tail. Seeing Anaconda stand on its tail looked silly.
Jon Voight is a very talented actor, he did great acting in this film, he looked more sinister than all the snakes combined shown in this film, believe me there are many snakes, its a giant 60 feet long Anaconda which is supposed to be very rare in this world. Jon Voight looked watch able when he was alone in the frames, with Anaconda no one looked any good, even Lopez looked cold and glamour less shown along with the snakes, moreover Lopez is wearing T-Shirts which was a reminder to us of her video clips, all these small things made this only one time watch able film.
Now that this film is made and seen, lets give credit to its animators and special effects team and put it under seal and lock never to distribute it again.
Yo creepy creatures are not entertaining !!!
When I first saw this Movie, I thought it would be just another shock Movie and that it had nothing new to offer, but I was wrong, The Acting is pretty good and the Special Effects are great, an Amazon Jungle Setting on a Dirty Smelly River stuck in a boat a group of people do battle with a very large Snake, very cleverly thought out plot and lots of scary action with a slightly far fetched scene where the Snake Eats a Man whole (as snakes do) and then spits him back out, the man covered in digestive juices then winks before collapsing to the floor, very strange but also quite funny, this Movie is a good addition to your Horror Collection, I would however watch with caution as it could put you off Snakes for life :)
To buy or not to buy? I say give it a go, it's very entertaining and quite scary!
the worst film ever!! - Advantages: get to see a snake, get to see people inside snakes, see the bad actors eaten by the snake! - Disadvantages: jennifer lopez doesn't get eaten by the snake, the snake gets killed before it can eat jennifer lopez, did i mention jennifer lopez??!!
suppose you would have to say that a movie like Anaconda didn't really have that much chance of being too much of a success. A rather large man-eating snake isn't exactly the most fearsome of movie monsters and it would no doubt have taken a director and cast of some talent to make it even come close to working. Anaconda doesn't have these and as a result it does exactly what I feared it would...it sucks, and it sucks big time. The plot...well what there is of it. Hollywood seems intent on treating the fans of action movies like idiots and this plot is yet another example of that. Anaconda features a film crew making a documentary in the Amazon jungle with an anthrapologist. All well and good except that this film crew seems to come from the Disney studio and behaves like they are a bunch of looney toons characters. Ignore this though if you can and you find that they have stumbled across a stranded poacher/big game hunter/ermm whatever he is in the middle of the jungle in the form of John Voight. He lures them into the lair of a 40ft Anaconda with the intention of catching it so that he can make the big bucks from returning it home - maybe he intends to carry it on his back? Well forget that - capture is his plan. Of course the snake wants none of this and goes about systematically exterminating the wooden characters one by one...except those who had some kind of character development early on because there have to survive - its in the rules. Thats the plot, and I make it sound better than it is. You do not get to see the overacting of Voight, the woodeness of Lopez and the others, who disappear into the background quite soon after they are introduced and have SNAKE FOOD emblazoned upon their foreheads within the first ten minutes. You get to miss the hamfisted attempts at humour which would have a 5 year old rolling their eyes at how juvenile and misplaced it is and you will hopefully get to miss out on sitting through this heap of
trash if you pay any attention whatsoever to this review. Lets hope you do. Anaconda is basically another movie which tries to be a Jaws clone, but doesn't try hard enough. We have done sharks, alligators, pirhana fish...just about everything else on the planet so it is obviously time that we added a large killer snake into the melange. THE WORLD NEEDS IT!! Well the world could have easily have done without Anaconda and lets hope most continue to do so. The main problem is in that there is nothing particularly scary about a big snake. Take this fact and then add to it that the director seems to not understand that the main idea behind a thriller is to offer the occassional 'thrill'(hence the name duh!) and you have an enormous problem before you even begin to look at anything else. I think that I could count the exciting moments on one hand and that these take so long to occur is criminal - try to stay awake for them if you can, but there ain't much to get excited over. You watch, you see, you hear(unfortunately) and people die and you couldn't give a damn because the characters are developed no further than name, job and screwing who. Tough to care about someone you know nothing about and tougher stil to be frightened of a monster which is so mean and evil that it can be killed with a shotgun. Of course it could be killed a lot quicker by pulling the plug on the computer which is being used to create the snake images. CGI effects only work when you can not tell that they are CGI effects - here it is blatantly obvious that you are watching a computer animation half the time and it crushes the scenes in which it occurs. The animatronics snake is better, but by then its too late... So...weak monster, weak effects, weak character, weak script, weak action sequences...weak just about everything so surely this movie offers no fun whatsoever? Well there is one thing you can do briefly and that is to play spot the Jaws rip-offs...I
39;ll give you a head start. Lopez is Roy Schneider(but with better legs), Stoltz is Richard Dreyfuss and Voight is Robert Shaw...now you can play from there, plenty to find believe me... Anaconda is quite simply rubbish. A thriller without thrills is a thriller failed and this movie fails in style. Cruise on by this title at your video store and go paint the fence or something should it come on terrestrial televison - it has to be more fun than this.
The movie stars Eric Stoltz for 10 minutes, as the anthropotgist in search of the elusive anaconda worshiping Shirishama tribe. Goin with him on his little quest is Jennifer Lopez as the director of the movie Stoltz is making, and Ice Cube as the cinematographer. As they sail through the Amazon river they meet a stranded snake hunter who the pick up and he promises the way to the tribe they are looking for Voight, instead, has his own deadly plan and it sure isn't going to go down well with the others. This movie is crap in one of it's many forms. Pointless, unbeliveable and totally dumb. They try SO HARD to make a beliveable movie, but with Stoltz getting ill at the beginning of the movie and spending just about all of it suffering in bed with a fever, they are pushing it. Mix in a little Lopez, it is her first gig as a director, and she goes on this unbelievable mission through some of the most dens forest land in the world with only the few people they have, not a chance. I guess Lopez and Stoltz were just for one reason, so a love story can unfold. Otherwise, their roles were pretty pathetic. Ice Cube was a much better study in the movie, he at least was believable as a person trekking through the jungle. He looked fit and built like he was ready to wrestle a bear and run a thousand miles. Even so, they made him waltz through water chest deep even though he knew there was big killer snakes around. I don't think anyone would do that. Jon Voight, however is such a good actor he makes you really hate him and makes you want him dead by feeding him to the snakes he loves to hunt. A good plus to this movie but his efforts are wasted. The snake was spectacular even though a little far fetched. Big, ugly, nasty and lookin' evil. Don't know if they used a little snake and enlarged it up with computers or if he was a man made snake, don't care. He was a good one. The dense forest scenery was in
timidating by itself but it is just a pity that was the only thing that was. The snake was predictable when it was going to jump out but when you're not expecting it (which happened very little throughout the film) it was a little scarey (I use that term loosely). In the end I want to recommend this film to you because I likr the idea and I think it contains potential but in this film it is poor. Even though Voight's performance is very good, it is all wasted on this film. Everything about this movie is bad and you should do something better with your time ar watch something else. If you decide to watch it anyway, all I can say is, "I told you so." That's what I got told anyway when I went against my friends advice.
O.K. Let me tell you now up front, DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. If you're even thinking about it, don't do it. I guarantee you it will be the biggest waste of time in your life. Of course, people told me that and did I listen? NO! But hopefully you'll be smarter than I was and take my advice. I try not to give movies bad reviews even if it's a bad film, I try to tell what is good about it. With Anaconda I couldn't do that. There is nothing good about this film. Horrible plot, bad acting, and awful, horrible, hokey and pathetic special effects. I have never seen a stupider looking snake. There is a James Bond film, Live and Let die. In this movie there is a scene where they are doing a voodoo ritual and the people bring this snake to a guys neck and it kills him. This snake looks like a toy snake that any kid could buy at a dollar store; it's yellow and rubber and fake. Even so, that snake looked better than the one they used in Anaconda. This snake is beyond words, how awful it is. You think they could have used something better. They could have used a rubber hose, and it would look more like a real snake. As I said the plot (what plot?) is awful. It's about some film crew filming a documentary and they get stuck in this whole mess with some crazy poacher guy. It doesn't make sense, there are a million holes in it, and it's stupid. Even so, it's not as dumb as the fake snake. I would go into detail about the plot but there is no detail. They just chase the snake and eventually there is a show down between the main characters and the snake; the expendable crew members have long since bit the dust. They're all snake food. Don't ask why. Anyone who knows anything about snakes knows that they can live off of one meal for weeks. So even if they are feeding their children or their mates, they still wouldn't be able to eat that much. Things like this are throughout the movie. Now, I don'
t mean to nitpick. I am not one of those people who are sticklers for details. In fact if this were the only inconsistency of the film, I wouldn't even bring it up, however, the whole film is like this. And the acting is horrible. What happened to Jon Voight? Didn't he used to be a good actor? Well obviously, he has lost it. If he had a film career, and he did, this movie just destroyed it. Jennifer Lopez, she was only in this movie for her body, plain and simple. Ice Cube, he was the comic relief. Which leaves the leading man, Eric Stolz, whom I like, I think he should be in more films, just not this one. Well, it just so happens, that the only one who might be able to salvage this film, Eric Stolz, is sick and dying throughout most of the film. The four of these performances don't even come close to making one good performance. Awful, Awful, Awful! I'm sorry that I couldn't say anything good about this film, but I can't. The only good thing is that it eventually ends, not soon enough. But eventually it is over. So if you want to see horrible acting, awful effects, no plot, and a stupid film, then by all means check this one out. If not, watch any other film, ANY, and you'll be seeing a better movie than this one. Heck check out Plan Nine From Outer Space by Ed Wood, the acting, special effects, and plot are better in it than in Anaconda, and it's supposed to be the worst film ever made. I don't think so; not anymore, now the top film in that category is Anaconda. Let me just say it one more time. DO NOT SEE THIS FILM. I am just telling you this for your own good.
Cast listing: Jennifer Lopez .... Terri Flores Ice Cube .... Danny Rich Jon Voight .... Paul Sarone Eric Stoltz .... Dr. Steven Cale Jonathan Hyde .... Warren Westridge Owen Wilson .... Gary Dixon Kari Wuhrer .... Denise Kalber Vincent Castellanos .... Mateo Danny Trejo .... Poacher Anaconda harkens back to the old days of horror films. Cheesy monsters with cheesy plots - and what is wrong with that? It`s a typical film in this mould - beautiful woman in danger, nice men rescuing them from nasty monsters. The plot is adequate, the camera work is adequate - everything about the film is adequate but this in no way spolis the magic. The plot of the film is very simple - a film crew traveling along a river to film a mysterious tribe rescue a guy from a sinking boat, and he offers to help him. However, all he really wants to do is to find a legendary snake - the Anaconda of the title - which leads them all into great trouble. I`m sure you can guess how the film ends, but if not then I don`t want to spoil the surprise. I think everyone should go and watch Anaconda - it`ll either bring back memories of when you were a kid, or teach you how to appreciate true cheesy films :-)
First, a confession: I have always been a fan of B-movie monster horror films like Alligator and Piranha. The sort of film where you find yourself cheering on the creature(s) as they kill off the dumb humans. Anaconda brings this genre bang up to date, with some impressively gruesome special effects. The anaconda in question is a 40foot long giant snake with a penchant for eating humans. Alive. In one of her earliest big screen roles, Jennifer Lopez plays Terri Flores, a documentary maker who ventures into the Amazon rainforest with her film crew in search of the mythical Shere Shaman tribe. In the midst of a torrential rainstorm, they come across Paul Sarone (a gloriously hammy performance by Jon Voigt), a snake hunter who claims to be in need of assistance. Things start to take a turn for the worse when Flores’ fiance (Eric Stolz) is mysteriously stung in the throat by an insect and nearly dies. Saved by Sarone, he lapses into a coma and plays little part in the remainder of the film. Before too long Voigt’s character forcibly assumes control, leading the expedition in a hunt for a giant man eating snake. The hunter soon becomes the hunted, with the snake polishing off the film crew in a series of gruesome episodes. The special effects team must have had great fun producing this film, with some wonderful set-pieces involving the snake. As with so many horror films, the snake won’t take the hint, no matter how many times it is stabbed, shot at, blown up or torched. In fact, you can clearly see one of the snake’s eyes being blown off by Lopez character when shot, but the eye mysteriously reappears later in the film (no jokes about one eyed snakes here…). The film is a bit on the short side, although this is probably because the premise couldn’t really sustain too much more. As with most Hollywood films, you need to disengage your brain prior to watching. The actions o
f the snake are completely unbelievable, and at times unrealistic (Hollywood isn’t too good with the laws of physics), but you can excuse much when the film is as entertaining as this. It’s not in the slightest challenging, and won’t tax your attention too much, but is worth a watch if you like tongue-in-cheek horror films.
This film although I quite old now is one to have on the shelf. It is about a group of people who go out and try and capture an anaconda, which is a very large type of snake. During this quest they have many close encounters with the snake and they find out what each person is like and whether they are trust worthy. The effects aren’t exactly realistic at some points, but the story line is ok and I think it is a film worth watching – more for educational purposes than anything. If you don’t like these sort of films it is still worth watching just to see the sort of animals that are in other parts of the world and how harmful they can be.
What a load of twaddle. This is of course that movie with Ice Cube in it. And that's almost the only thing you can say. Throughout the film they are being terrorized by an anaconda, and one by one are getting bumped off. After a little while you get the feeling that Ice Cube has refused to be killed as it's not macho enough for a gangster rapper!... The production values are very poor, and unless you are looking for a very simple plot, with nothing wonderful going for it then this isn't your film.
With a title like Anaconda you would hope to expect something special. This snake carries a lot of powerful mythology behind it but none of this is built upon in this film. The film is now only famous for the over acted sneer provided by Jon Voight. In the end it just resorts to using CGI and little else. I'm glad I only hired this film because I'd never find anyone to buy it from me. It's daft and definitely not one to buy.
I went to see this in the cinema and it was one of those movies where you come out and say "At least the sound was good". It really was not good at all. The acting was terrible and I'm not too sure about the effects either. Some of them were very good. The others however were pretty abismal. While I'm sure Jeniffer Lopez in tight trousers and a wet top is enough to ensure this fil will break even on video rentals where the pause button can be used, it is not enough for me. Awful stuff!!
Jon Voight's hilarious performance of the Ahab-like poacher determined to capture a giant snake. I now see the movie in a completely different light. Everyone in the movie is awful! Voight's accent is a Brazilian/Cajun mess (I swear it changes from scene to scene!), Jennifer Lopez looks clueless, Ice Cube just grimaces the whole time and gives everyone dirty looks and Eric Stolz is just along for a paycheck.The effects and movement of the snake are teriffic but the story goes nowhere and the ending is obvious. If you like Drama that is obvious to figure out go ahead if you like watching a movie more than once in a day go ahead and watch it maybe even buy it but if it were up to me I would probably say SAVE your money for a better movie
I was far from impressed with this particular movie. I thought that the special effects were just not up to scratch. One of the finer points of this film is that it stars Jennifer Lopez and she brings a whole load of beauty to the screen. Jon Voight certainly played the bad guy with some conviction and people interested in just seeing some action then you may not be disappointed. Unfortunately for horror fans you will find that this film is just as bad as the 3rd "Jaws" sequel. If you have nothing better to do on your night in then you could watch it to pass the night away
A group of documentary makers in the rainforest are terrorized by a giant anaconda snake, which an insane snake expert (Jon Voight) wants to capture.