The Good, The Bad & The Stupid (Backyard Criminals (2004) (DVD))

Member Name: nytemare

Product:	Backyard Criminals (2004) (DVD)
Date:	25/01/05 (133 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Great To See Morons Hurting Themselves

Disadvantages: People Link This With Pro Wrestling

Hello everyone and welcome again to another edition of The Final Cut. As I promised you all last time I have returned back to penning my thoughts about professional wrestling and have steered away from commenting on inept writers. After all, I only want one feckless writer associated with this column! Got it? Yeah!

Before I lung into this week's column I just wanted to say that I apologise if this column comes across as rushed or quickly constructed, at the time of writing this I have about one hour before the electricity on the whole estate is cut off for a full 24 hours so a company can perform "major" work on the network that powers our estate.

As many of you will no doubt know I have covered the subject of backyard wrestling over the past two months or so and it looks like the subject will continue to rage on in future editions of The Final Cut as I was recently contacted by a director called Michael Moody.

He had just put a DVD together called Backyard Criminals and offered to send me a copy and he asked me to sit down, watch it and give my honest view on backyard wrestling based on the "excellent wrestling" that this DVD contained.

That sounded fair enough to me. My dog was just as eager to watch the DVD as I was, judging by the way she ripped open the package as the postman dropped it through my letter box. So after all the hype I have been hearing I settled down to watch this DVD that was going to change this journalist's view point on backyard wrestling.

"Backyard wrestling is a craze amongst bored youths who have nothing better to do with their time than to inflict injury on each other. A harsh statement? Minor & severe burns, nasty gnashes, concussions and in some cases broken bones are just part and parcel of this ridiculous epidemic of insania"

That was my initial statement when I first penned my original backyard wrestling article that started this whole debate off and to be honest nobody has successfully changed my mind yet. Would the DVD do that?

THE GOOD

Before I launch into the bad parts and the stupid parts of the DVD I thought I would cover the good points from the production. Despite my views on backyard wrestling there were some good parts seeping through the other crud from time to time.

In between the hardcore moves, the ludicrus and dangerous spots there were small glimmers of some good wrestling oozing out into view. It is just a shame that those little glimpses were smothered by powerbombs onto car roofs and other idiosyncrasy moves.

At no point in my articles did I ever say that backyard wrestlers did not have any wrestling talent, on the contray I do believe that some of them contain a lot of talent which is why they should be putting it to good use by going through the correct training channels.

Instead of putting their bodies through dangerous situations against other unqualified individuals.

THE BAD

"Backyard wrestling is not at all as dangerous as you journalists make it up to be. Hardly anyone does the hardcore stuff that you guys write about, I suggest you watch a video or two before you start penning your bile."

That lovely little quote was from an email that I recieved from a backyard wrestler who I will not name. Obviously this backyard wrestler has not seen a copy of Backyard Criminals because within the first five minutes of the DVD I saw the following:

- People wrestling on soiled mattresses scattered on the ground.
- People performing high risk moves on Crash Mats being used to form a crude ring.
- People wrestling and performing dangerous moves on concrete!
- Poorly constructed rings, which looked like they were made up of things stolen from a local building site.

Despite what I had already seen I still attempted to keep an open and unbiased mind as I made notes in my little notepad. But sadly as the DVD went further the action on my screen just got worse and worse.

Throughout almost the entire first half of the DVD there were numerous dangerous and completely stupid moves and stunts. Moves that you just do not see on respected professional wrestling shows anywhere in the world!

- A power bomb onto a shopping trolley, not once but TWICE.
- A kid placed into a shopping trolley and shoved off a stage that must of been at least four feet high.
- A power bomb on the roof of a car
- A hurricanrana from the roof of a car

And those were just the ones that I managed to jot down whilst struggling to pick my jaw up off the floor after it dropped when a boy was rock-bottomed on concrete!

Surely the worse of the action had passed and I could now settle down to watch what I was promised would be great wrestling masterclasss. Sadly the answer to this was no.

By the end of the DVD I had witnessed:

- A badly botched shooting star press through a table that hurt both competitors.
- A suicidal dive from the top of a truck.
- A young guy nearly broke his neck when he fell off the top turnbuckle when the poorly constructed ring ropes broke.
- An inverted suplex onto concrete.
- A moonsault from the top of a truck.
- A back suplex onto a trampoline (the guy cracked his head on the metal springs)
- A shooting star press from the top of a truck through a makeshift table!

THE STUPID

Before I received the DVD I was informed that a number of high profile wrestlers were interviewed on camera endorsing backyard wrestling without shame or thought for their actions. After watching the DVD twice I found no high profile wrestlers, just a bunch of bad-drawing jobbers.

KONNAN
Konnan, the wrestler that every single professional wrestling fan turns to for advice and wisdom (sic) stepped forward and proclaimed that backyard wrestling was "cool" and "tight" he also went on to preach that people get hurt in almost every sport so backyard wrestling is no more dangerous than American Football - if that does not prove that Konnan is a complete moron than I have no idea what will.

THE SANDMAN
The Sandman, a case for drug testing in the professional wrestling business if there ever was one, made a wild sweeping statement about jumping off a cliff! Obviously another sane human being

The Sandman is obviously a drug user, he looks out of his head every time I see him attempting to wrestle, and really does need to stop the substance taking, maybe this will clear his head before he makes any more stupid statements.

VAMPIRO
Former World Championship Wrestling jobber Vampiro said that backyard wrestling was phenomenal. I would not say that backyard wrestling is phenomenal and I do not believe it is a sensible thing for a so-called "respectable wrestler" to say either.

Sure some of the guys do have some talent judging by the little showers of wrestling that were coming through the rainstorm of ultra-stupid spots. Maybe Vampiro is admitting that his matches are so dire that backyard wrestling matches are ten times better than his best match?

NEW JACK
What can I say about New Jack without mentioning that he likes to attack innocent people and cut them open for his own sick pleasure? New Jack cannot wrestle, he never learned properly and he uses these ultra-stupid moves to cover up his complete lack of talent.

During his interview on the DVD he said that backyard wrestling was a great way of getting into professional wrestling without having to pay to be trained. So now we know how New Jack got into this business.

New Jack will go the same route as most of the backyarders; he will be in a wheelchair within the next five to ten years. Maybe when he is being wheeled around unable to walk he will reconsider his viewpoint?

FINAL THOUGHT
Backyard wrestling is a growing pastime with a cult following amongst the youth of the world, whether I like it or not these guys will continue to partake in putting themselves through hell to make them look cool to other like-minded children.

I enjoyed watching the DVD, well the actual wrestling parts of it certainly, but it was just the ultra-stupid spots that put me off on the whole. Did it manage to change my view on backyard wrestling and the people who do it? The answer is no it did not change my mind at all.

I still think that these people should not be doing such a dangeorus pastime and should get into a training school of some kind, but then again I cannot do

Until next time.


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