Don't Phone Us! (Cellular (DVD))

Member Name: marandina

Product:	Cellular (DVD)
Date:	03/03/06 (124 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Fast paced, entertaining

Disadvantages: Very, very silly.

Sometimes style over substance can be as gripping as a tack on a cork board. If ever a movie proved it, it’s “Cellular”. Having been put off by many of the movie reviews I’d read in the press, I finally succumbed when it popped up on Sky Movies the other night. If nothing else, it had the gorgeous Kim Basinger in it so, whatever happened, I thought I’d be happy. Originally conceived by Larry Cohen ("Phone Booth"), the film takes advantage of the most obviously long running product placement you could think of and if you haven’t been initiated into buying Nokia by the end of the movie then you can also probably resist the wily charms of a darned fine, hypnotist.

Jessica Martin (Kim Basinger) is minding her own business one day when all of a sudden she is bundled into her house and promptly imprisoned against her will by the menacing Greer (Jason Statham). With one huge swipe of a sledge-hammer, Greer smashes the phone to stop Jessica calling for help. It soon becomes apparent that the gang desperately wants to locate Jessica’s husband who has something Statham’s cronies will literally kill to get. However, Jessica is no fool and finds herself piecing together all the various wires and finally gets the phone working. Calling for help she connects with Ryan (Chris Evans) who happens to be driving along, chatting on his (Nokia) mobile phone and generally being cool. After a protracted conversation during which Ryan thinks he’s the victim of a practical joke, Jessica eventually persuades him to take his (Nokia) mobile/cell phone to the police. Despite his best efforts, Ryan doesn’t manage to attract enough attention from any of the cops apart from an ageing flat foot called Mooney (William H Macy). Sent upstairs to report it to the correct department, Mooney notes that there is something not quite right with the whole situation. With Jessica still on the phone but the risk of her being cut off a constant threat, Ryan takes it upon himself to track her down and save the day.

I must admit that when I first started watching this, I did wonder whether I was going to make it to the end. I mean, the idea of a stranger going to the lengths that Ryan does, no matter how dire the situation, just seemed so unlikely as to be ludicrous. After all, the people holding Jessica were clearly bad – very bad judging from the screaming on the other end of the phone. However, as the plot developed it became more entertaining if still rather silly.

As far as negatives go then the movie is incredibly shallow. Statham and the gang only appear to have two brain cells between them; we get a stereotyped, arrogant lawyer in a Porsche and the whole hero thing just doesn’t seem appropriate to a teen bum like Ryan. The Mooney character seems reminiscent of a bumbling Columbo who has past his sell by date some time ago although Macy does give an air of credibility to the role even if he does look plain past it. Poor old Kim Basinger spends most of her time screaming and crying as well as pleading for her life a lot of the time. Maybe it’s me but she also looked really tired which is a shame because I’ve always had this outrageous torch for Kimbo and seeing her like that shattered an illusion.

Evans' character uses all the various options on his (Nokia) mobile phone (call logs, video captures) to outwit the kidnappers. Completely implausible but ridiculously good fun, Evans camps it up in his lengthy race against time, hijacking cars, holding phone stores up at gunpoint just to get a battery charger and careering through roadworks with no thought for his own or anyone else’s safety.

Director David R. Ellis ("Final Destination 2") and first-time screenwriter Chris Morgan miss the boat on so many other plot blunders (e.g., an implied blackmail subplot that is never resolved) that the picture threatens to collapse under the sheer weight of its own lunacy. In essence, you could compare the pace and suspense achieved with the far superior "Phone Booth" with a touch of "Speed" if you’ll forgive any unintended inference of drug taking. In their defence, the movie rattles along at a frantic pace and some of the moving shots in cars are imaginative and daring.

As far as the acting goes on the whole, Statham is reasonably believable in a post “Lock Stock” phase although his fake American accent needs more work. Basinger does OK given the situation and Macy looks the part if restricted by the cliché of investigating whilst off-duty and looking for clues in an unintended homage to old glass eye – Peter Falk. For me, Chris Evans steals the show although having moved on from Johnny Storm of the Fantastic Four, this does seem like an obvious vehicle to showcase his teen fandom grabbing talents.

Despite all of its considerable shortcomings, I did enjoy the movie. Having endured the first 20 minutes, once the story took off and I could suspend any belief I may have had in the story, then the whole, glossy beach side, LA drama took a grip. With sunny settings, lots of teens using words like “dude” and Kim’s remaining allure, the plot eventually swept me along although it failed to convince me to buy Nokia. The finale is dramatic, the underlying reason for the kidnapping coherent and the tension added by the subsequent kidnapping of little Ricky Martin (not the singer, Jessica’s son) did add fuel to the fire in the story.

For those that like a good chase movie, thriller or just like to look at glamorous people for 94 minutes then this will be for you. Rated PG for violence, terror situations, language and some sexual references, it’s pure hokum but good fun and not the worst way to spend an hour and a half.

Thanks for reading

Mara

More info at:
http://www.cellularthemovie.com/

DVD/VHS available from Amazon from £7.97 new.

Summary: Write up of the movie