Fat Australian vs. Rock Hard Austrian. (Commando (DVD))

Member Name: The Duke

Product:	Commando (DVD)
Date:	02/04/05 (175 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Arnie, Stuff blows up, guns etc., Cheese factor.

Disadvantages: Rae Dawn Chong, Vernon Wells

John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a retired soldier. His old outfit of elite soldiers is being systematically hunted down and killed. Matrix's old commanding officer, General Kirby, arrives at his family mountain retreat with the bad news.

His daughter, Jenny (a young Alyssa Milano) is dead set against the idea of her Dad going back to his old job. He concurs and refuses Kirby's offer of tracking down the perpetrators. However, that would make a very poor, and short, movie.

Obviously, it isn't long before the bad guys show up and throw their weight around a bit. Catching Big Arnie unawares means that they can kidnap Jenny in the hope that he will nip off to some Caribbean island, kill the democratic president he helped put in place and restore evil dictator Arius.

There's no talking to the big man once he has an idea in his head, and he's decided that Arius will pay for kidnapping his beloved "Chenny". After performing a dare devil escape from a taxiing 747, Matrix goes on the hunt for the people responsible. God help anyone who gets in his way…

Let's cut to the chase. Commando is not a high brow movie by any stretch of the imagination. Schwarzenegger only shines during the action sequences when he's mowing down legions of punks and scumbags. The main villain, Bennett, is the campest hard man villain I've ever seen in an action movie (the leather trousers and Village People 'tache don't help), but like a lot of Schwarzenegger's films from the 80s, that's part of the enjoyment.

As Arnie's first starring role, the film's set up for him to go from one set piece to another – a fight in a shopping mall (the same one was used in Terminator 2), dangling a bad guy off of a cliff etc.

Acting-wise, the film's not of a particularly high standard. Most of the actors get cheesy lines to say at the right moments and delivery isn't important. Rae Dawn Chong, as what I assume is the love interest (although this is never made clear) is pretty lifeless, and her character only exists because she can fly a plane. Why super soldier Arnie can't do that is beyond me…

In fact, the acting is so bad, the 13 year old Alyssa Milano (who you might know from TV's "Charmed") easily out performs her adult co-actors, and Bill Paxton shows everyone up with his limited 45 seconds of screen time as a Navy bloke looking at a radar screen. Some of the characters are initially quite interesting, although not given any time to be anything other than superficial before Arn shuffles them all off this mortal coil.

I must, once again, point out the main bad guy, Bennett, played by Vernon Wells. You've heard the phrase "so bad, it's good"? Well, Wells brings a new meaning to the phrase. "So bad, he nearly ruins the movie". Is it possible to be too camp? I say "yes", although Duncan "Chase Me" Norvelle might argue. Wells is just so poor in this role – he's always hopelessly mismatched. Fat Australian camp merchant against rock hard Austrian killing machine? Which one do you think will win?

Despite the relative simplicity of the story, there's a fair amount stunt work involved, and for the most part, the director does a decent enough job in keeping it together. There are elements which sit out and are obvious – continuity errors, visible equipment (the ramjets which shoot the soldiers into the air due to "explosions" are just one example) etc. are all little things which make the film a bit rough around the edges and you might expect them from a first time director. However, Mark L. Lester is no film rookie here, and so these minor annoyances are perhaps unforgivable. They don't ruin the film or anything, they're just… avoidable.

Overall, what can I say? The acting's poor. The storyline's predictable. The direction's iffy at best. But Arnie's in it. I loved it.

If you're the sort of person who enjoys complicated plot twists, weird camera angles, foreign language/subtitled films or maybe even some "worthy" storyline then Commando is not for you. If you like the idea of an ex-bodybuilder actor with a crap accent blowing the bejesus out of all and sundry, then Commando is most definitely for you.

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