Just Don't Open (Don't Open 'Til Christmas (DVD))

Member Name: Phelthew

Product:	Don't Open 'Til Christmas (DVD)
Date:	13/02/09 (149 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Purdom never directed again

Disadvantages: It's terrible

This has been sitting in my pile of unwatched DVDs for ages and I've just not been inclined to watch. First of all a Christmas themed horror film doesn't sound like a great idea to me, apparently Black Christmas is good but I'm not convinced yet. The cover is unattractive and the whole shebang just looks a bit terrible. Putting it off to Christmas was the excuse I gave myself such is my split personality but Christmas came and went and next Christmas is drawing near so I thought I'd watch this to just get rid of it.

Made in 1984 it is a mystery/thriller/slasher film directed by Edmund Purdom.
The film starts and a man dressed like Santa Claus meets his girlfriend down a back alley and lures her into the back of his car but they are disturbed in their "romancing" by a weird figure looking in through the window accompanied by music far too similar to the Jaws theme. When Santa dresser confronts this guy he is stabbed with what is quite clearly one of those knifes with a blade that retracts into the handle.

We then have this really cheap looking opening scene that was alright actually. It had music similar to that played by my mum's Christmas tree lights but made slightly creepier, played whilst a plastic figure of Santa burnt slowly.

Then there's a Christmas party and honestly one of the most depressing looking parties I've ever seen. Everyone is wearing stupid Halloween costumes for some reason and Santa Claus is about to give a speech before he is brutally murdered. His daughter, Kate, is distraught and calls the police. The police on the team are Sergeant Powell and Inspector Harris. Harris is played by Edmund Purdom the director of the film and half famous actor. They seem very keen to blame Kate's boyfriend who is a bit of an asshole.

The killer kills a few more Santa Claus' and the police seem to put a whole lot of hope on any information Kate can give them for some reason. They try to work it out, Kate does some of her own investigating and a reporter also turns up trying to work out who the killer is.

This film is absolutely terrible. I was genuinely bored throughout. First of all my major problem was I just didn't care. The director seemed to be indecisive as to whether he was making a slasher/horror film or a mystery/thriller film. The mystery side was dull and really didn't feed the audience enough. The police officers seemed to be incompetent and without and police-esque talents what so ever. You were never given any red herrings, never any clues or anything you just watched and waited. I mean I watched Scream yesterday as well and it really highlighted how weak this film was. Scream is a great example of a slasher film that is also a mystery film, Don't Open 'til Christmas is at the other end of the spectrum. The identity of the killer was actually really obvious I mean who else could it had have been. Let me think who's the killer? Is it maybe the mysterious guy who seems to have no other point in the film?

The story was horrendous and full of little annoying bits. Every time a Santa Claus was killed they would usually be chased for about 10 minutes first and this just felt really drawn out and pointless. It wasn't scary, it wasn't adding to the plot. You knew they were going to die, they were usually characters we hadn't yet met and we just knew they were going to die there was no need for the crappy chase scenes. At one point a Santa victim goes into a peep show booth and talks to the stripper for about 10 minutes before being killed and you just wonder why? What was the point in that? It did make me think that I would probably rather die than go into a peep show booth. I think if you go into a peep show booth you've entered the abyss, you're now Travis Bickle and you're gonna have to shoot your way out. Another scene is drawn out, as whilst the Santa is running about we also see scenes of Caroline Munro singing. (Does she have any fans?). The film was clearly one of those exploitation films that likes to creep as much nudity in as it can. In this case for some reason Kate's boyfriend takes her to a photographer friend of his and tries to convince her to pose naked, like a model already there who seems to be wearing cello tape. What's so stupid about this is that a major plot point is that Kate is now extremely rich after her father died. His trying to convince her on the grounds that it would be a quick 50 doesn't make sense. His follow up argument is just as poignant "Oh come on, we're here now, you might as well.". It's also one of those films that goes on even after it should have by all rights ended. Not a well directed film it was Purdom's one and only attempt and thank god for it. There was one scene in the killer's lair that was quite dark and sinister and showing only his mouth in silhouette as he talked was particularly good (he sounded like Shredder from TMNT) but overall terrible. The ending was also a let down. There was a weird nightmarish scene at the end when the killer reminisced explaining his motives and I think that was, albeit, unintentionally the scariest scene in the film. The motive wasn't very good. Ending was just bad and unrealistic, I don't want to say what happens but if you see it you just think no way that could have happened.

The special effects weren't great. The killing scenes all looked really amateur and the make-up effects of the mutilated all looked really fake. It's also one of those bright red unrealistic blood using films.

The acting was to be fair not terrible. Purdom seemed to be trying to be like Gregory Peck to me. Everything about him said Gregory Peck. He had a Peck voice and wore Peck clothes and even moved in a Peck way.

Musically the film was pretty bad. It had one really cool The Jam sounding track whilst the guy was on a motorbike but generally we had this horribly monotonous synth beat and some dull sounding second rate Christmas carols.

So what good points were there? One, I learned that people who work as Santa Claus usually have very seedy lives and hang out in very seedy places. So you know...if I ever need to hunt one down I'll know where to go. Why would I need to hunt one down? What are you making me talk about?

Overall, I wasn't impressed and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. First of all there's the very principal. You can't make a horror film with a Christmas theme. It's just wrong. It was like a really long but crap episode of Taggart. Definitely not worth the money. It seems to a little better known than most crappy horror films etc as it was produced by the semi-legendary Dick Randall but I think this film should be shunted forever.

Certification

This film is an 18 for some gruesome but unrealistic murder scenes and a fair bit of nudity. She's not a very attractive woman if that makes a difference, I don't know why but it might do. Seems like it should

Summary: Poor Christmas Slasher