'Ello... I've got legs!!!` (Eddie Izzard - Dress To Kill (DVD))

Member Name: Red Devil

Product:	Eddie Izzard - Dress To Kill (DVD)
Date:	10/05/01 (927 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: jam, ducks, jeff

Disadvantages: none, nil, nein

Do you like bread? I've got a french loaf! *boof* *runs off* byeeeeee, i love you!!!

Well if that isn't familiar to you then it should be. Taken from Izzard's 'Definite Article' video, it is one of many (and i mean many) highlights. This being the only Izzard area on Dooyoo i thought it was right that i should pay homage to the king of comedy here. He has written mine and my friends bible and made James Mason our god.

I first got into, pardon the unintended pun, Eddie Izzard when I saw the video 'Glorious - still my favourite of his stand up shows. It is a classic stand up show and demonstrates a talent that no other stand up I have seen posesses. Although it is difficult to recount in words as a lot of his comedy is through mime (for example, the punch drunk baboon that is caught in a mime of a man sawing a plank of wood, but is, in fact, punching a baboon - :D) there is still plenty that can be conveyed in this review from this video. His general them for this live performance was, firstly, the old testament (one with long beards, 'ooh burning bush....ah shit, beard on fire!!! oooh a goatee!!) and then the new testament (a short beard testament. However, somehow he manages to extend the monologue into areas such as beekeepers (im covered in beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!!!!!! hellllllllllllllllllllllp! im covered in beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! arghhhhhhhhhh!) and the makers of toasters and showers - 'there are two positions in the shower. one position is this (acts like a safebreaker) and the other position is this (quickly steps back as though scalded) argggggghhhhhhh!!!! stop using taps! everyone in west london stop using taps! (then looks 'around the shower curtain' at someone who seems to be washing their hands) hey! stop using taps im in the shower!' - the other person responds - 'im not using taps. im letting a mouse run over my hands. we need a motor for the arc and the mouse is going to act as a
generator.' You have to see it to truly appreciate. Go out and buy it you should do! But there are so many more classic moments. Some serious moments are juxtasuposed amongst the humour - references to the death of his mother, grandmother and other events such as him getting involved in a fight. By fight he meant he was beaten up for wearing make up. However, even this is made amusing as he describes how the fight happened -

'They were coming up to me and going "ooh tracey!" for some reason i started doing michael caine impressions; "my name is not tracey" and "look your a big lad but you got no brain so keep you f*cking mouth shut". Maybe no one else is finding this funny but I am so I will continue.

The classic scenes in Glorious have to be moments such as when Achilles discovers he has an achilles heel - 'what an irony!' -

'So I'm called Achilles and I have an achilles heel too! Oh mum I'll be a laughing stock!'

Another fine example is the birthday of the baby jeez when the three wise men arrived with their gifts and jesus responds, 'thankyou. and for my birhtday?' the kings - 'oh its christmas and your birthday?!!? argh your the first one! (turning to mary and joseph) are there any late night shops here?' mary and joseph tell them of a late night petrol station and they return with a diet coke, 20 cigarettes and a sack of charcoal.

Quite possibly the finest moment is the last scene, when he tells the audience of his experiences with computers. lines such as 'cannot access printer?!!? what do you mean!!? i can access printer! why cant you!?!? *points the imaginery screen at the imaginery printer* its here!' I wont reveal anymore of that scene as it may ruin it. Dont think Ive ruined the video though as every line is a classic. I even managed to get a quote of his in my history essay today - 'all archaeologists find is a series
of small walls' :)

Although I am less familiar with his other works there are still amazingly funny and interesting. 'Dressed To Kill', live on Alcatraz, has two of the funniest scenes ever - one being the scene of a teenage Izzard chatting up girls (see my introduction) by saying how he has legs and the other with a scene about squirrels. With the squirrels he explains how they sometimes stop when eating nuts and have the expression which says 'did i leave the gas on?'. He then considers this, looks bemused, laughs and goes 'no! im a f*cking squirrel!' Pure, unadulterated sex in comedy - if only orgasms, money and everything was that good. it is truly unbelievably funny when you see it. As for the teenage chat up line - it's become funnier for me as I used it when pished one night as a joke. It worked. Sad really but still immensly funny :D

The last of his three live shows I've seen is 'Definite Article' with the highlight being the explanation of Pavlov's cat theory. He starts by explaining Pavlov's dog theory and we are told how Pavlov's first name is Gareth and that he is Welsh. Pavlov we hear won the nobel cats prize for dogs with his experiment. However, no one published Pavlovs cat theory. All in a welsh accent this is how it goes -

day 1 - ring bell...cat f*cks off. very disappointing.
day 2 - ring bell...cat says he's eaten earlier. very disappointing
day 3 - ring bell...cat answers door! very disappointing
day 4 - go to ring bell but cat has removed batteries! very disappointing.
final day, day 5 - replace batteries and go to ring bell. cat puts paw on bell. cat rings own bell! I eat food.

ABSOLUTELY FU*CKING HILARIOUS! if you havent laughed once then either you havent seen it (in which case buy it) or have no sense of humour.

As well as these three shows Izzard was fantastic a few years ago as a fill in on Have I Got News For You and
has taken over Channel 4 for an entire evening before. Without a doubt our best stand up, I hope you will go buy his stuff and conform to the jam bible with gods 'simon the god of hairdo's' and 'jeff the god of biscuits'.

Well done if you got this far down :) I have tried in this review to give an example of his humour so as to try and make you buy this stuff (in a way the point of dooyoo). Hope it makes you laugh as much as it did me recalling it.

(on one point - I have edited out swear words but to an extent i feel this shouldnt be neccessary. kids know what f*ck stands for and it is only a word - far less dangerous than writing an anti-european or pro-sun article im sure)

Summary: