AAAAAARRRRRHHHH!!!!! (Epic Movie (DVD))

Member Name: berlioz II

Product:	Epic Movie (DVD)
Date:	25/09/09 (41 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: F*** advantages

Disadvantages: The movie!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had absolutely nothing better to do.

In a way, that sums up my feelings after wasting my time in seeing the parody movie called "Epic Movie" on TV tonight. Now, of course I already knew this wouldn't be a good movie, but I guess there's a little masochist living inside me that wants to test me at times. And boy did the movie not disappoint me. It was gawd awful in ways that I didn't even know was possible. For one, the acting was horrible. Clearly the actors were just reading straight from a teleprompter and goofing off with each other instead of bothering to exert any actual effort into what they were doing. And for all the fun they probably had with each other certainly didn't translate for the poor public who paid money to go see this drivel. Secondly there was, as expected, no plot to speak of. It was just a bunch of random movie references strung together, the main ones being The Chronicles of Narnia and Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Otherwise, you had almost two hours worth of references to recent movies that were not funny, inventive, or even approaching what "good" parody is supposed to be. They didn't even bother to change movie and character names enough to matter! Not to mention, every freaking opportunity they had, they just had to insert a banal, horribly crappy rap or hip hop song & dance routine into it. EVERY SINGLE F****** TIME! Why? Why! WHY!?! Even the end credits had at least a couple of these! And there's a five-minute segment of MTV's Cribs series made fun of that makes you want to commit suicide since it just refuses to end!

And let me just ask you, what is so amusing in seeing guys being kicked on the groin? I don't get it. Or seeing a pretty airhead girl floofing off all over the place stiff as a board (regardless of the short skirt)? Or the token black girl trying to be sarcastic? And what's so funny about throwing in a bunch of obvious movie references like The DaVinci Code, Snakes on a Plane and Pirates of the Caribbean when you don't do anything funny with them except another tiresome rap number? In fact, the only even slightly amusing moment in the entire film came when Harry Potter was lampooned for the actors getting to be a little too old to be playing 14-year-olds, and that's not saying a lot. The acting is not worth to talk about as it was uniformly bad. The plot was simply not there. There was really no purpose to drown obviously millions of dollars into producing this drivel, yet obviously there's still a large number of people who are dumb enough to go see this sort of stuff in the theatres to make enough revenue to encourage more such movies to be made, whereas people like me with actual sense to not waste a single dime on this stuff are happy to glance at the product on late-night TV while doing other more worth-while things, like reading reviews on Dooyoo.

Why did I give this movie 5 stars? Because that is ultimately funnier than pretty much anything in the blasted excuse of a movie and will give you at least a little chance to laugh a bit! Which I by the way didn't do a single time while watching it (apart from mild chuckling at the first half of the Harry Potter bit). I really don't want to write any more about this pile of faeces, and just wanted to unload a bit, so there you go. Now go smell some cooked broccoli as that is infinitely more pleasurable than this movie could ever be.

© berlioz, 2009

Summary: Kick the beaver. Ha ha ha ha...