The kind of tosh every sci-fi fan should watch at least once (Flash Gordon Conquers The Universe (DVD))

Member Name: Brett Bligh

Product:	Flash Gordon Conquers The Universe (DVD)
Date:	29/07/00 (23 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: the sheer wonder of Saturday morning cinematic ‘spectacle’ (and the treat of aliens dressed up as Robin Hood's merrie men).

Disadvantages: where to begin...

Ming the Merciless has survived his previous encounter with Flash Gordon and now plots to destroy life on Earth by dropping death dust into the atmosphere and hence causing a deadly plague known as the Purple Death. Allied with Prince Barin and Queen Fria of Frigia, and with his trusty sidekicks Zarkov and Dale Arden by his side, Flash must do all in his power to stop Ming from executing his devilish plan.

Actually, of course, this is just the starting point of a 12-part epic with a total running time of nearly 4 hours. The rest of the plot involves various kidnappings, rescues, dastardly schemes and double-crosses, introducing various new characters throughout its length as well as supposedly crowd pleasing elements such as the Rock Men, whose dialogue is dubbed backwards on the score, and the Destruct-O-ray (or something). The point is, of course, that it all simply doesn’t matter!

This is a cinema serial circa 1940. As anyone who saw the recent Star Trek: Voyager tribute ‘Bride of Chaotica’ should know, what such an endeavour entails is bad acting, bad characters, bad scenery (apart from the mountain sequences which were, incidentally, ripped from another film) and absolutely atrocious plotting, all of which blends together to somehow produce something which lives in the mind long after viewing, the archetype of which has entered the public consciousness.

Larry “Buster” Crabbe, as Flash Gordon, does his best (bless him) to act as the tough, square-jawed hero, but actually ends up coming across as something of a nancy, Frank Shannon’s Dr. Zarkov has only one discernible character trait, that of complete deference to and reverence of Flash, to an extent which is frankly embarrassing, and Carol Hughes as Dale Arden is a 1940’s woman who definitely knows her place. Charles Middleton meanwhile plays a thankless role as the completely one-dimensionally evil Ming, who nonetheless actually comes across
as somewhat of a pitiable character in certain scenes, and who seems to have a propensity for hiring henchmen who would come off second best against the Chuckle Brothers.

In the end, therefore, this is, in every measurable, objective way, a complete waste of time. It should have nothing to offer the modern viewer who expects a Scream-like postmodernism to infect every frame of every scene. It thoroughly deserves the two stars displayed above (in fact, this is probably being generous). However, this is a piece of science fiction cinema history, and a seminal one at that. For every sf fan who goes to the cinema to marvel at the wonders of The Matrix or who drags out the worn old copy of the original Star Wars to watch on the VCR every month or so in a state of complete childlike wonder, it is essential to understand that this is the kind of arena where the onscreen version of the genre was developed.

Tosh then, but the kind of tosh every sci-fi fan should watch at least once.

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