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Extended Boobies the 13th
Friday The 13th  (DVD)
Member Name: ryanando
Friday The 13th  (DVD)
Advantages: Good extras, a few scares
Disadvantages: boobs everywhere, drugs everywhere, no plot.
===Saturday the 27th (October)===
This weekend was the closest to Halloween without being in November as you could get. Unfortunately for me, my favourite holiday has chosen to fall on a Wednesday this year so I can't really celebrate it properly. Being a celebration purist, I refuse to celebrate nearly a week early. The rest of the world seems to have no issue with this, however. As such net flix was packed with terrible B-rated horror movies over the weekend. This made Allan get right in the mood for a horror film. I love horror films pretty much any time so I was more than happy to go along with this but suggested that rather than a terrible B-movie that we watch something a bit newer and a bit scarier. As Allan doesn't like watching things that I've seen before as he feels I'll be bored (which isn't the case at all) I suggested we finally get round to watching the latest Friday the 13th. Glad that I had settled on something (I'm usually a victim of too much choice) Allan agreed.
Being that this is the 12th film in the Friday the 13th franchise there isn't really a lot of scope for originality. I'd been told that this was supposed to be a reboot of the original film but it quickly becomes apparent that it isn't quite a reboot, at least not of the first film.
If you haven't seen the original, then let me explain a little of what happens. At a lovely idyllic summer camp (Camp Crystal Lake) a teenage councillor is too busy having nookie to notice that a little boy (Jason Voorhees) is drowning. The next year the camp councillors begin dropping like flies, seemingly due to the vengeful spirit of Jason. The original was a 1980 slasher film with enough gore to keep you interested and brilliant suspense laced throughout, constantly making you fear the unseen killer. There are even a great couple of twists at the end which I won't ruin for you.
Since then, the character Jason has become incredibly well known as a complete psychopath. He's up there with the likes of Michael Myers (Halloween, not Shrek) and Freddy Kruger. While only appearing momentarily in the first movie, the second movie features him a lot more and he's wearing a bag over his head with eyeholes cut out. From the third movie onwards he prefers his much better known hockey mask. Each film grew progressively worse, becoming more contrived and ridiculous as they milked Jason for all he was worth, right up to Jason X being in space (I mean, what the actual?) and a crossover with Jason and Freddy (my favourite movie monster).
As with any DVD you'd want it to have a really awesome cover. In this the DVD doesn't disappoint. The whole cover is a close up of Jason's face in his famous hockey mask. It says it's the extended cut so in theory you're getting more bang for your buck on this one. You'll see that it's rated 18 due to the sex, drugs and violence, so not a great one to be showing the kiddies. The disc is a bit disappointing; it's a greyish, faintly blue colour all over with "Friday the 13th" in a mirrored highlight that is almost lost on the grey/blue background.
The menu is easy to navigate, something that it's rare to mess up. Play, Subtitles, Special Features and Scene selection all set to the background of Jason's bloodied mask. A very simple and pretty menu! Now on to the stuff you bought the DVD for!
First things first, if you haven't seen the first film go and do it now. Put this one down and pick up the original. You will thank me for it. Why? Well, firstly the original is a million times better and has some semblance of a decent plot. Secondly, the first two or three minutes of this 2009 film are a flashback to the very end of the original film, basically showing you one of the biggest twists. This annoys me a little, mostly because they didn't NEED to do it. The story is explained (albeit terribly) by the first bunch of teens to be butchered. The flashback was to signpost a plot device that is used later in the film to very little or no effect.
===In the beginning===
After the brief spoiler the film begins with a group of teenagers traipsing through the woods, ominously close to Camp Crystal Lake, in search of a rumoured patch of Cannabis plants. Instantly my eyes begin to roll into the back of my head. I no longer like any of them. It's getting dark and they decide to make camp. Straight away the girls feel the need to pop their breasts out and fondle their nipples in the general direction of the stoners they are with. One of the breasts actually looks painfully pert, like a blob of clay has been thrown at her chest area. Thankfully she'll never act again if she thinks that's a good way to start her career. While some of them begin sexing up, others decide it's a good idea to wander off into the woods just for the sheer sake of it (and having heard the stories of Jason killing everyone in the area, why wouldn't you want a moonlit wander?). Inevitably Jason (Played by Derek Mears in this version) turns up just as Booby McGee the first is auditioning for her soon-to-be career in porn and one of the stoners (who is so far the only good looking one) stumbles upon a plethora of pot and kills everyone in true slasher style.
Usually you'll see one person getting hacked to bits straight away (think drew Barrymore in Scream) before the title of the film appears and everything goes back to a vaguely happy plodding along pace. It sets the scene and the anticipation. Not content with just one Scene-setter, this film goes all out with four brutal murders. It does go on a bit longer than I'd have liked. Allan thought the film was well under way and got confused by how short the film had become when the last victim was being towered over by Jason. Thankfully (...I think...) this was only the beginning of the film.
The main story begins with another group of teens (this time there's more of them, presumably to give the film a bit more padding) driving up to one of their parents summer houses which just so happens to be right on the edge of Crystal Lake. On their way they stop at a gas station and bump into Clay Miller (played by Jared Padalecki) the only remaining talent in the film. I shall call The Hot Guy. He is searching for his sister, Whitney (Played by Amanda Righetti). She has been missing for a month since she and her friends came a hiking out near the area. He's fairly convincing in his role.
Instantly the leader of the group, rich kid and son of the summer house owners, Trent (Played by the fantastically named Travis Van Winkle) takes an instant disliking to Hot Guy due to the fact that Trent is a complete Knob-end. Trent is possibly the most un-believable character in the film. The film with a dead, almost superhuman killer on a rampage. Yeah. The actor plays it well, but I think the writers had a lot to own up to on this one. Trent continues to be a knob-end throughout the film. The only solace I can take is that, being Friday the 13th only the innocent will survive. The other ridiculously cliché characters that he happens to have brought with him are as follows:
Nolan (Ryan Hansen) - A bit of a clown who likes to ignore the requests of Knob-end to wind him up a bit. It's his bright idea to go joy-riding in the boat belonging to Knob-ends parents while dragging some boobs along behind him on a wakeboard. (Goofball)
Chelsea (Willa Ford) - She plays the part of the boobs which Nolan drags behind him. Seriously, that's about as fantastic as her role gets. This character is purely about the boobage. Well, they killed the other boobs from the start of the film! Can't not have breasts everywhere after all! Boobs. Boobs. Breasts. Boobies.
Jenna (Danielle Panabaker) - Knob-ends wholesome and sweet girlfriend (wholegrain) who manages to keep her top on for a whole movie while apparently only JUST realising that her boyfriend is a complete idiot. She's the only likeable girl in the group (possibly due to the lack of breast-in-your-face) and takes a shine to the Hot Guy.
Lawrence (Arlen Escarpeta) - Equally annoying and unbelievable, he loves to draw attention to the fact he is black. I think it's supposed to be funny but apparently 4 years haven't translated that humour too well. I call him Hand-Shandy due to the fact he gets barged in on while performing the deed, solo.
Bree (Julianna Guill) - Another girl who just can't help but get her boobs out and sleep with anything that comes her way. She does, however, lend to one of the most amazing mid-coital utterances I've ever heard from anyone when knob-end tells her "you've got perfect nipple placement, baby" mid cheating on Wholegrain. Her nickname for today is Perfect Nipples McGee
Chewie (Aaron Yoo) - plays another total goofball who is verging on being an alcoholic to the point where he'll happily drink beer from some ones shoe. He's possibly the only likeable guy in the group even if I have dubbed him Alchy
===A side order of pointless===
There are a few other side characters in the film that are basically just shoved in to make up the death count. There's a creepy old woman who seems to know all about Jason but isn't actually any connection to any of the other films at all (I thought she might have been a returning character from the original, sadly not). She's only in it for two seconds to freak the Hot Guy out. There's the Redneck who is growing all the Pot out in the woods. His buck teeth and licking porno mags while masturbating are a few of his key moments. There's the local policeman who is played by Richard Burgi (you may know him as Karl, Susan's sleazy ex husband from desperate housewives?) who keeps trying to tell the Hot Guy that his sister isn't in the area (even though its only been just over a month since she went missing!) The only other person in the film is the guy behind the desk at the Gas Stop but he doesn't re-appear.
===So is this a remake?===
The directors (who were also responsible for other terrible horror remakes such as Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Amityville Horror) said that it wasn't a remake in the strictest sense. It ignored the fact that there were any films after the original. It stole all the better elements of those films and put them into this one. Jason starts off wearing a bag over his head but swaps it for a hockey mask. If you were a fan, you might be a little baffled by this film as it doesn't fit the timeline of the other films. Had I not looked up that the directors intended it to ignore all the other films I'd have just sat and looked vaguely confused about it all.
===Getting to the point===
The point in any horror is to get chills right? Of course! And this film does that. The beginning sequence was really quite brutal and violent to the point where some of it made me uncomfortable. The rest of the film toned it down slightly but still kept up the scares with Jason popping up to stare menacingly at our bunch of crazy kids.
The special effects are decent but not overused. There is gore but it's not every single second of the movie. Blood is not spurting from corpses; innards are not being thrown around. People are being killed and occasionally you'll see a rotting head, but mostly it's quite subtle compared to a lot of films today.
Does it have much of a story? No. There's a slightly interesting understory which pops up around the middle (no spoilers here), but essentially it's all just a bunch of kids running around getting themselves killed while you watch and tell them how stupid they are being. I had hoped they would have done the original justice, but they haven't and this end's up being just another "Jason" film. They could have easily turned it into a horror with a great plot... but instead substituted plot for boobies. I did note that 13 people are killed in the film which made me smile slightly (I wonder if it was meant?) and the fact it is an extended cut probably accounts for the worst moments of the film still being there. I'd give the film 3 stars out of five. Mediocre slasher horror, some uncomfortably brutal moments and a general feeling of suspense make it alright but it really isn't anything special.
Part of the joy of owning a shiney spinning disc in a box (other than it neatly filling a space on the shelf) is the extras that come with the film. Assuming of course they are worth your time watching.
---The Rebirth of Jason Voorhees---
This is a ten minute "making of" type documentary touching on the new director's vision for Jason. There's some swearing, sex and violence throughout, but you're watching a Friday the 13th DVD so it's got to be expected. Some of it makes me roll my eyes as they are trying to make out like it's an incredibly intellectual and deep look into the mind of a serial killer. I'd disagree but whatever gets you through guys! It does let you see some of the more interesting parts from behind the scenes, particularly Derek Mears (Jason) in make-up which is very cool. You get to see the models, drawings and processes used to get Jason on camera and looking fabulous. Well done to them! Thumbs up for this extra. Especially for the fact that it showed me the Redneck guy out of makeup and OOFT he is hot!
---Hacking back/slashing forward---
Running for just over 20 minutes this is another foray into the world of the actors behind the film. This time they are discussing more about the original films and how they have used some of the ideas and took them forward into the new film. Fairly obvious from the title I would have thought! On the plus the Hot Guy is in it getting all hot and sweaty over the idea of Kevin bacon. This is an image I can work with. Another decent extra for the fans.
---7 Best kills---
The cast and crew talk about their favourite kills from the films, going in to some of the special effects for each kill. Some of the stuff has been touched on in the previous documentary the footage is mostly new and interesting. Just over 20 minutes long, fans of the film will love it and anyone who has an interest in special effects will probably be quite interested too!
Just over 8 minutes worth of alternate scenes here, only really decent for real fans of the films. Personally I don't think it adds much to anything but that's just me. Overall the extras were decent and fill up a bit of time. Get in there!
The film was a slasher horror; it's never going to be the most amazing... or is it? The newer version of nightmare on Elm Street (for example) rebooted the franchise with an amazing storyline all the while keeping the audience guessing and swimming in blood. This Friday the 13th reboot, however, failed to live up to expectations. They went down the tits and humour line and mostly forgot to put a plot in there. It's good for a scare or two and I definitely wouldn't be showing it to your kiddies any time soon (though I did watch the original when I was 8...hmm...). As for the extras, they are very good and interesting for anyone who is a fan of the franchise and this film. I'd have to settle on three stars out of five due to the lack of a decent plot, but the film does what it's supposed to. Provides some scares and a bit of time filler for a Saturday night near Halloween.
Summary: A remake that isn't a remake or all that good.