AND THATS THE PLOT (Judge Dredd (DVD))

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Product:	Judge Dredd (DVD)
Date:	01/04/01 (51 review reads)
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Judge Dredd is directed by Danny Cannon. Written by Committee. Starring Sylvester Stallone, Rob Schneider, Max von Sydow, Diane Lane, Armand Assante, Jurgen Prochnow, Joan Chen.

Come on, guys. After the film was released, Sylvester Stallone himself bemoaned during interviews that no one told him he looked like a idoit. With that helmet, those gigantic epaulets and the Herculean codpiece, he could easily pass for a shiny new Cadillac. Even his protruding jaw bears a vague resemblance to a fender.

Why is it that cities in the future always seem to look the same as other movies?

There are huge, eclectic crowds overpopulating the streets, towered by glimmering skyscrapers and flying automobiles. Kinda like BLADE RUNNER.

Outside the walls of the great city is a vast desert. Kinda like DUNE.

As we learn from the narration by the Voice of Authority and Wisdom (James Earl Jones), our story takes place in a vast metropolis after the Great War, where all was laid desolate. In order to protect the citizens of this safe haven, an elite group of stormtroopers dressed in shiny black uniforms (complete with helmets that cover most of their faces, ROBOCOP-style) exist as judge, jury and executioner.

Sylvester Stallone rides in on his glimmering motorcycle and shouts lines such as, "I AM THE LAW!" with clipped, military precision. As he's blowing away a motley crew of scavengers with missiles from his handy-dandy pistol, he recites streams of legal dogma. "You are in violation of Section Penal Code 13-401X9, as outlined in Chapter Four, Verse Twelve of the League of Parking Violations Handbook, blah blah, blah." It's almost worth the price of admission to watch Stallone go. Just go, boy!

Stallone, as Judge Dredd, is so religious in carrying out the Law that he has absolutely zero sense of humor. This, in itself, is quite funny. The beautifully sculpted Stallone will enter a scene, thru
st out his jaw, say - his - lines - in - a - deliberate - manner, then probably blow something up.

I don't think five minutes go by without either (a) someone getting killed, or (b) something exploding. This makes up for the lack of plot, cohesion, or ability to cut together an action scene which makes sense. I was often at a loss to know where characters were in relation to each other, or what was happening during a combat scene.

Friends and Catch Phrases

Chiseled, stoic Stallone can't carry the film all by himself. He needs the Girl (Diane Lane) who stands by and supports him through thick and thin. He also requires the Comic Relief Sidekick (Rob Schneider) to say funny things as Judge Dredd dispenses justice.

I kept waiting for Rob to say, "You can doooo eet!" whenever the judge faced an obstacle. Example: Judge Dredd blows a hole in the wall. "You can doooo eet!". Judge Dredd fights the evil robot. "You can dooo eet!" Call me stupid, but I fall into spasms of laughter whenever Rob Schneider shows up in a movie and says these four words. It just kills me - don't ask me why.

Sadly, the catchphrase in JUDGE DREDD is, "I knew you were gonna say that!" I swear to God, every five seconds you've got a character raising his or her eyebrow in response to a predictable statement and responding, "I knew you were gonna say that!". "

I haven't even described the plot. Judge Dredd kills many villains while his Mentor (Max von Sydow) alternately praises him as his best pupil and lectures him on ethics. Meanwhile, a conniving council judge (Jurgen Prochnow, of course) and a renegade agent who just escaped from a maximum security prison (Armand Assante, throwing himself into this poorly written role with manic aplomb) set out to frame Mr. Dredd for a crime he did not commit.

Judge Dredd is cast out into the desert with his trusty pal, Rob
Schneider. Max von Sydow gets to put on a cool brown trenchcoat and follow them in order to save their lives before he goes down like a chump. Poor Max doesn’t even get to die at the hands of one of the main villains, but stabbed in the back by a roving desert marauder. Is there no respect? :-)

Judge Dredd returns to the city in search of payback. He kills many people. The end. Yes, I do believe I've summed up the entire plot!

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