Pinch me...I'm asleep. (Pearl Harbor (DVD))

Member Name: Critchyboy

Product:	Pearl Harbor (DVD)
Date:	27/09/01 (12 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Special Effects.

Disadvantages: Too long, Boring story, Far too long!

Pearl Harbour was one of those 'event' movies that shouldn't really have bothered being made. I'm sure there are more pressing things that one could spend $135 million dollars on and things that may well be a more rewarding experience than sitting through this trash for 3 mind-numbingly boring hours.

The story is sickly. Three people, all friends in the army get into some tricky situations. Pearl Harbour gets bombed and then theres a retaliation by the Americans and somewhere in there is a love triangle.

The three leads, Ben Affleck, Kate Beckinsale and Josh sombody-or-other act so badly they make my mahogany coffee table look like it could stand a chance of winning the coverted Best Actor Oscar. The love triangle fails to convince on any level at all and only happens cause Ben comes over to help us Brits out of a sticky situation. Just a little niggle, why are all Brits in war films portrayed so badly? Typically sterotyped stiff-upper lipped English men and a Scottish bloke who could have walked of the Starship Enterprise with his one line of 'dialogue' (She canne tak it nemorrrre was the line if you're interested). With Ben fighting over Europe and being shot down, Kate decides, as you do, to have a fling with best buddy Josh. Cue Ben's miraculous escape, Kate's admittion and Ben and Josh arguing over it. That is all quickly forgotten by the actors, sorry characters, when the bombing begins...

The bombing of Pearl Harbour itself is nothing short of breathtaking. The fighters and bombers fly around smashing up the American Navy and it is damn good. This is after all what director Bruckheimer does best. But he even manages to make a hash of this when Ben and Josh get into their planes and manage to see off the entire Japanese Air Force.

It is after the actual bombing has finished when you are hit by an even bigger feeling of dread and you realise there is still an hour of this film to sit throug
h. They shouldn't have bothered with this bit. America's retaliation and some very untidy wrapping up of storylines makes for a nasty taste in the mouth, but after three hours of it all you just want it to end.

I don't really find myself laughing at films like this, but the dialogue really was that bad that I couldn't stop myself. The fact, that there were people in front of me in tears (either over the story line or the sudden realistation that they had wasted three hours of their lives I will never know) made me laugh even more. I don't understand how anyone can be sucked in by a feeble story, awful dialogue and wooden acting.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a heartless person. I've seen Saving Private Ryan and found it a devestating piece, particularly so after visiting Omaha Beach. But Pearl Harbour is something completely different. Ryan is a masterpiece and it is unfair to compare the two. Pearl Harbour, after all, does exactly what it says on the tin. Explosions, action and effects. If you don't mind not having a storyline you'll enjoy it.

Summary: