This 'reimagining' of the original film 'Planet of the Apes' has been hyped up over the last 6 months so much, that it was little wonder it was such a disappointment...after all, how can you possibly live up to the great Charlton Heston in a loin cloth!?

Okay so the make-up was excellent, give the costume and special effects guys an oscar, but whatever you do, don't give one to the cast.

Mark Wahlberg (a re-marketed failed rapper and underwear model Marky-mark, thanks to his friendship with George Clooney now assaulting us via the big screen) stars as the pilot who crash lands onto this 'Planet of the Apes' and finds out that roles have been reversed and Humans are now slaves kept in cages and Apes (God forbid you should call them monkeys) rule the land. Unfortunately I quite frankly my dear, did not give a damn whether Mr Wahlberg survived his adventure or not, and judging by his wooden acting, neither did he.

Now a Hollywood movie would not be a Hollywood movie without a love interest, and lucky Mark has two. Estelle Warren plays his human love interest, whom he saves from slavery and then saves her brother from death. Being a swimmer by trade, rather than an actress, I can forgive her, also wooden acting...although why the casting directors cannot pick one of the more worthy 90% resting actors rather than a leggy blonde amazon I don't know. Love interest numbero two, intent on exploring the bestiality theme, is ape princess Helena Bonham-Carter. Or should I say, Helena's eyes...as the rest of her is hidden under a hulking great ape costume. I have to say, she was fairly good....very expressive eyes..given what she had to work with - ie very little.....it was a sterling effort.

Another actorworth a mention was Tim Roth, who played the baddie Ape.......Best actor by far and in my opinion, underestimated in his industry. Also nice to see a young boy played by someone other than the brattis
h Haley Joel Osment.

I had not seen the original, but read the plot in another op before I went to see it and knowing what was happening did spoil it a bit for me so I won't give too much away plotwise except to say the planet is not that much different from Earth...in fact........no no I mustn't....

If you have seen the original then, to be honest, I wouldn't bother with this one unless you are particularly interested in the costumes and make-up. If you do go, then look out for spoofs of other films such as American Beauty, Macbeth and Mission Impossible 2......I think I spotted about five in total.