Arnie, Aliens and goddam sexual tyranosaurs... (Predator - Definitive Edition (DVD))

Member Name: The Duke

Product:	Predator - Definitive Edition (DVD)
Date:	07/01/03 (251 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Arnie, Cheesy Lines, Guns and explosions

Disadvantages: None as far as I'm concerned

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away there was an actor called Arnold Schwarzenegger who used to be a bodybuilder. Quite a good one at that, because he was a Mr. Universe and a Mr. Olympia and could flex his muscles even more than Popeye on a spinach overdose.

After he quit the competition life, he became an actor. It wasn't plain sailing because at first he lost a few good leading roles (Superman and Flash Gordon) due to his thick Austrian accent before landing Conan the Barbarian. It wasn't long however before he got the role of a lifetime - the bad guy in a small independent sci-fi movie, and he only had to say a dozen words at best.

It started off the craze (along with Rambo, released at the same time coincidentally) of filmmakers to make movies where the hero could run around with huge arsenals of weapons, blowing things up and killing as many bad guys as possible. Barry Norman probably wasn't impressed, but I sure as hell was!

Standing like a colossus over these types of movies was Arnold who had put out a fair few movies of this type in a relatively short period of time. Not all of them are good, to be honest, and even the good ones aren't perfect (anyone remember the camp Australian sounding chap in "Commando" with the nice line in chain mail vests?). Predator falls into this "good, but not perfect" film, unless you happen to have the same point of view as myself.

-=-=-=- Basic Plot -=-=-=-

An special forces unit, led by hunking great man mountain "Dutch" Schaefer, and filled out with other men mountain specialise in rescues. They are called into an un-named South American country where a helicopter has crashed in enemy territory in a neighbouring, hostile country. It is their brief to get in, rescue the survivors, and get out before anyone knows they were even there.

As the men track their way through the jungle, they become more and more aware tha
n something is not right, and that they may be up against more than they bargained for. When they find the crashed helicopter, this is rammed home when one of the group finds skinned human bodies, almost as if a hunter had been out looking for trophies.

As they track the crash survivors though the jungle, more evidence to confuse them becomes apparent, as it seems that not only is there something exceedingly dangerous lurking in the jungle, killing men with ease but that their own people have set them up to do a job which they would not normally accept.

As they reach the enemy encampment, they find out that not only is there something dangerous lurking in the jungle with a fondness for brutal murder and trophy collecting, but that their own people have lied to them?

-=-=-=- Acting -=-=-=-

Hah! What do you expect? Arnold, Jesse "The Body" Ventura (not to be confused with Elle "The Body" Macpherson), Bill Duke and other assorted he-men run around the jungle with big guns. It's never going to be Oscar winning material, is it? Of course it isn't. You can expect guns, explosions and some crap one-liners. Who needs anything else?

-=-=-=- Script -=-=-=-

The basic premise is brilliant, and apart from the odd, minor plot hole, the whole thing is executed exceedingly well. I suppose you should expect nothing less than a film directed by John McTiernan (Commando, Die Hard, Die Hard with a Vengeance etc.) The only real point I must make is that along the way, the squad pick up a girl called Anna (played by Elpidia Carrillo) who seems to have no purpose at all in the film than to mention that when the summers are hot, the men who go into the jungle die mysteriously. Easy money for Elpidia!

Of course, the dialogue is cheesier than a Wotsits factory, but it's an Arnie movie, so would you have it any other way? I know I wouldn't. In fact, the crap lines are the reason I love this mo
vie so much.

Arnie turns and throws a knife at some bloke who is sneaking up on him, effective nailing him to a tent pole.
Arnie: "Stick around!"

"You're bleeding"
"I ain't got time to bleed!"

-=-=-=- Plot Holes? -=-=-=-

Well, the most obvious ones are:

Arnies' crack squad are a military rescue outfit, but they're still given the choice of which missions to accept or decline? Pah!

Jesse Ventura carries a modern day Gatling gun around on his back, which eventually sees action at the enemy encampment. The gun itself is huge, and would be a chore to carry, never mind the amount of ammunition required. He'd need a lorry to carry enough ammunition to fire the gun for one minute, never mind hiking the sodding great thing through the jungle for 48 hours?

Near the end when Arnie finds the magic mud that hides him from the Predator, he covers himself in the stuff, except for one area. Yup, his eyes. Can the Predator's heat vision not see the heat coming from his eyes? Tsk!

-=-=-=- Overview -=-=-=-

It's 15 years old now, so don't expect the special effects to be cutting edge, although they are still quite good, and don't expect the acting to be top notch seeing as the cast is full of bodybuilders and ex-wrestlers. If you can put your mind on hold for 2 hours, and you don't mind the odd bit of violence (with a touch of blood, but no gore), then you'll enjoy Predator. I know I do, and to this day, I can still be overheard in the pub repeating the cheesiest lines in film history.

-=-=-=- Credits -=-=-=-

Arnold Schwarzenegger - Major Alan 'Dutch' Schaefer
Carl Weathers - Dillon
Elpidia Carrillo - Anna
Bill Duke - Sergeant Mac Eliot
Jesse Ventura - Blain
Sonny Landham - Billy Sole
Richard Chaves - Poncho Ramirez
R.G. Armstrong - Major General Phillips
Shane Black
- Hawkins
Kevin Peter Hall - The Predator/Helicopter Pilot

Directed by: John McTiernan

Written by: Jim and John Thomas

Running Time: 107 mins approx.

-=-=-=- Trivia -=-=-=-

The Predator was originally to be played by none other than the Muscle from Brussels, Jean Claude van Damme who took the hump at an uncredited appearance and left after two days of filming. The predator was then redesigned, and in stepped Kevin Peter Hall to great effect.

Arnie actually got married during the shooting of this movie to Maria Shriver, one of the Kennedy family, prompting much speculation about Arnold's future in politics.

Before the film took shape as the final version (i.e. before Van Damme jumped ship), the film was known as Hunter, and indeed was actually filmed under that name.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I leave you with a line from Jesse "The Body" Ventura:
(The team refuse Jesse's offer of some chewing tobacco)
"You're all a bunch of slack-jawed faggots 'round here! This stuff'll turn you into a goddamned sexual tyrannosaurus. Just like me." All very entertaining stuff, until you realise that Mr. The Body is Governor of Minnesota. Be afraid?

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