Stick to make-up ads, Milla (Resident Evil (DVD))

Member Name: ben_83

Product:	Resident Evil (DVD)
Date:	24/07/02 (195 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: the score

Disadvantages: woeful plot, script and acting, rubbish special effects, Paul Anderson does his best to make the film as unscary as possible

Any videogame with the 'Biohazard' brand ('Resident Evil' in the west) is always guaranteed to shift a few hundred thousand units. And it is with this in mind - and this only, one might venture - that those wonderful Hollywood execs commissioned a film tie-in. If you strain your ears over the kerching of the cash registers, you just might be able to hear the sobs of cinema and games purists.

Following the great 'Biohazard' tradition, the script and acting in 'Resident Evil' are truly atrocious. Alice (Milla Jovovich) has fallen unconscious in the shower of a large, ornate mansion and can't for the life of her remember why she's there. Just as things are starting to come back to her, a gang of black-suited SWAT-types smash through the windows and start waving guns around in a manner so full of testosterone they'd make Andy McNabb cross his legs out of inadequacy. Much pointless explanation ensues and Alice, the soldiers and a couple of other guys, seemingly along for the ride, make their way into a vast, abandoned underground lab complex where a series of genetic and viral experiments have gone horribly wrong. When they realise there's a whole load of zombies down there (who'd have guessed that one, eh?) they start making skidaddle plans.

And that, some dumb subplots involving terrorist conspiracies aside, is that. There's very little in the way of twists, some incredibly hackneyed plot devices (even the old unseen-miraculous-escape-from-certain-death rears its ugly head) and a hell of a lot of teenie-pleasing gratuitous swearing. Yawn.

The most challenging question 'Resident Evil' will pose the viewer has nothing to do with the rights and wrongs of genetic experimentation or the danger of large corporations wielding so much power but is a simple matter of deciding who the worst actor in the film is. My vote would have to go to the risible Michelle Rodriguez who not only delive
rs her lines in a way that would make John Wayne look sissy but also seems to be doing her best to ape Angelina Jolie's Lara Croft (shudder). The rest of the cast, with the possible exception of Jovovich, reek quite badly too, although in a less spectacular fashion. Unless you're talking in terms of awfulness, there is by no means any performance in 'Resident Evil' that might be considered 'standout.'

At this point, by which time I have no doubt enraged fans of 'Resident Evil', I will concede that, perhaps, story and acting aren't all that important to the success of a zombie movie. However, scariness is and 'Resident Evil' is surprisingly devoid of this. Once you've seen one zombie you've seen them all and they, with the exception of one rather lame CG beastie, are all you will see in the film. The poor direction also adds to the flaccid feeling of the 'scary' bits with only a couple of moments (the dead woman in the tank and Red Queen's defence mechanism) provoking a sharp intake of breath.

Likewise, the special effects are limper than a bizkit. The make-up for the human zombies is just about passable but the supposedly skinless zombie dogs look hilariously amateurish ('Blue Peter' interlude: to repeat this effect, kids, just squirt the family doberman with some tomato ketchup) and, as alluded to before, the CGI is thoroughly underwhelming.

'Resident Evil' does have its saving graces, however. The score, unlike Slipknot's typically awful theme tune, is very good, fitting the mood and tone of the film perfectly. Part techno, part rock, it's loud, brash and in your face and does its darndest (somewhat vainly it has to be said) to get the adrenaline pumping.

And so, gentle reader, we reach the end and I'm afraid the verdict is disappointingly predictable. Yet again, another videogame turned film fails to meet expectations or, rather, meets t
he extremely low expectations everyone had for it. 'Resident Evil' is a thoroughly forgettable affair whose only outstanding feature is its woeful acting. What's more, the cynical nature of the motives of both Capcom and the producers of the film reflects badly on both industries.

Summary: