I wanna see your snatch, not your cock-ney! (Rocknrolla (DVD))

Member Name: thedevilinme

Product:	Rocknrolla (DVD)
Date:	01/04/09 (233 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Sorted geeza!

Disadvantages: Sort it owt geezea

Archie: "People ask the question... what's a RocknRolla? And I tell 'em - it's not about drums, drugs, and hospital drips, oh no. There's more there than that, my friend. We all like a bit of the good life - some the money, some the drugs, other the sex game, the glamour, or the fame. But a RocknRolla, oh, he's different. Why? Because a real RocknRolla wants the f**king lot..."

After Madonna humiliated Guy Ritchie by preferring adopted rainbow children to a donation from his 'six- shooter', she's gone of into the sunset and so has his directing career, the very staid and predictable 'RocknRolla' back-to basics for the pseudo cockney. 'Mockney' gangster is his thing and after the disastrous pretentious muddle that was 'Revolver', and the catastrophic Madonna vehicle 'Swept Away', the 'mockney' director couldn't afford another flop and so played it safe. RocknRolla isn't a flop but it isn't great.

Not to compare Ritchie with Quentin Tarantino but both directors seem to be suffering the same woes. They exploded on to the scene in the 90s with a couple of original and cool gangsters flicks but once they strayed from their specialist subject the damage was done and their next few films were mere parodies of their best work, Death Proof as tiresome and stale as RocknRolla. Where as Tarantino could well make a comeback, that doesn't seem to be the case with Ritchie, he a one hit wonder in every way, 'RocknRoller' a clumsy B-Side. Unfortunately this is the first film in a trilogy, the next instalment being 'The Real RocknRolla', coming to a cinema (and then very quickly a video store) near you soon....

-The Cast-

Gerard Butler ... One Two
Tom Wilkinson ... Lenny Cole
Thandie Newton ... Stella
Mark Strong ... Archy
Idris Elba ... Mumbles
Tom Hardy ... Handsome Bob
Karel Roden ... Uri Omovich
Toby Kebbell ... Johnny Quid
Jeremy Piven ... Roman
Ludacris ... Mickey
Jimi Mistry ... Councillor
Matt King ... Cookie
Geoff Bell ... Fred the Head
Dragan Micanovic ... Victor
Michael Ryan ... Pete

-The Plot-

A 'RocknRoller', as quoted by our narrator, is a gangster who wants it all and gets it all, as is the case for Lenny Cole (Tom Wilkinson doing his 'Grouchy' from Porridge), about to do a huge deal in the East End with shady Russian businessman Uri Omovich (Karel Roden), property scams Lenny's speciality. With seven million pounds down the Russian expects quick results, a personal gift to Cole of a very valuable painting their bond in trust for the coming relationship. But disaster strikes when both the first cash payment to Cole and the painting goes missing, local hoods 'Handsome' Bob (Tom Hardy) and 'One two' (Gerard '300' Butler) the number one suspects.

Lenny is now under pressure and deploying maximum Cockney rhyming slang to bamboozle the Russians to try and buy more time, sending out his best men, Archy (Mark Strong) and two goons, Mickey (Ludacris) and Fred the Head (Geoff Bell) ready to break some legs. Uri is also keen on getting his valuables back and so sends his best two guys, Victor (Dragan Micanovic) and Roman (Jeremy Piven), hardcore Russian mafia types. If Lenny can get the painting back and the Russians can come up with another down payment he will have enough cash to oil the slimey local councillor (Jimi Mistry) and so get the planning permission required to build the development, everyone's cushty. But One Two not only has his eyes on Uri`s sexy accountant and fixer Stella (Thandie Newton) but the second payment, and if they get it then its big trouble in little London for both Lenny and Uri. Things are further complicated by Cole's rebellious rock star son Johnny Quid (Toby Kebbell), who also wants revenge on his old man. But an unknown and higher placed grass in the manor is their biggest threat, one that's bought down bigger names than Lenny Cole and Uri, and could bring down the whole castle if they don't find he or she first...

-The Conclusion-

This is basically Lock Stock, but with a painting instead of a shotgun, and as I wasn't particularly blown away with that movie, a blatant copy of Pulp Fiction if you ask me, this was even more predictable and cliché, another perfunctory Guy Ritchie fantasy of London's gangster class he likes to make you think he mixes with when really he's actually part of the gentry, his mother and father titled and living in a huge pile in the shires somewhere. That's what Madonna really bought into to.

With immaculate cockney rhyming slang and characters straight from the Caine & Hoskins School of Acting you just shake your head as Ritchie box-ticks everything he's done before, event the soundtrack somewhat clumsy and dated for one of his movies. He really has just decided to repeat the first two movies in a desperate attempt to at least get back to where he was before Swept Away that all but finished his and Madonna's career. I have a feeling Guy doesn't get into the swanky clubs anymore without her on his arm anymore and this is his redaction for Revolver.

There's just no originality here guys, by-the-numbers East End gangster fish n chips. I liked Snatch more than Lock Stock because it was ironic and funny, even Vinnie Jones turn in the first film a pleasant surprise. But there are no surprises in this and it just feels like he's dumbed it all down some because of the amount of stick he got over the complexities of the Revolver plot, his last and most heavily ridiculed movie. Even the overlaid and rather staid commentary from some Cockney geezer whiffed of trying to win back old fans rather than growing new fan bases. This really is nothing new, an old T-Shirt in the wash....

= = = Special Features = = =

-Audio Commentary-

Guy Ritchie, accompanied by actor Mark Strong, tries in vain to tell you he's back!

-Guys Town-

Guy explains all about his new London and how crime ridden it is, the inspiration for his movie.

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Imdb.com scores 7.4 out of 10.0 (26,543 votes)
RuN-TiMe 114 minutes
£3, 95 for one night or the 2 for 2 night £5-00 deal at Blockbusters.
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Summary: Get it sorted geeza!