Absolute rubbish (She's The Man (DVD))

Member Name: Cammij

Product:	She's The Man (DVD)
Date:	07/05/07 (217 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Amanda Byrnes is so hottttt

Disadvantages: This movie introduces kids to crossdressing too early

If you ever look at the media coverage of a filmakers event such as the sundance film festival or Cannes you see all these beautiful people and the smug arrogant directors and producers who make our films for us. They really think that they can change people's lives through their films. Sure I have seen some films that shook me up for a few days, this latest emotional rubbish I have to watch in order to see Leonardo made me feel bad for Africa and I actually bothered to sign up to sponser a child on Tv but then cancelled it. Hollywood really thinks they can change our lives.

Not that my life needs changed. I finally achieved my lifelong dream of working in law enforcement. I am only 5 foot three and a hundred and thirty pounds so I have not been able to get a job as a patrolman anywhere. But I got hired to be a security guard at the wheat docks and I was able to move out of my grandparents basement. I have the respect and dignity of a nice crisp uniform and I even have handcuffs and a stick but I don not get a gun, instead I have a little black thing that looks like four tootsie rolls stacked on each other than if I can grab a person and hold them still I can press it onto their wrist and hurt them. I now feel able to go to the Law Enforcement night at a local pub, and although many of the so called "real cops" mock and taunt me and ask many patronizing questions about my uniform I still can walk in there with my uniform.

I can finally say that I am happy. And now I am very happy because there is a labour strike in Canadia and because of that no ships are coming to the docks so I have nothing at all to do all day long. I used to have to open and close the gate for the seamen who come in and out on ratty old bicycles. They are quite scary fellers. he night that my friend Ned was training me one of thses transient hobo looking guys comes pedalling up to my gate with the look on him like he expected to enter the docks. On the surface someone who did not pay attention to their 5th garde geography lessons about Arabs could mistake these guys for desrt nomads, the long beards, and stench....but these are closer to biker trash than terrorists despite the wild look of dervishes. My point is that I basically just make sure that it is sailors and not terrorists that come through the gate. If it is terrorists I will stop them with my little black wand that looks like a giant tootsie roll.

Now due to this strike there are no boats so I just sit all day long vigilantly guarding freedom. I recently traded my PSP and some of my comic books for a really cool portable dvd player. So I watch movies I get from the public library and I got this movie since it was about soccer and had Vinnie Jones in it. See at my size and stature the only sport I can excell at is a game like soccer. I never did well at sports that required strength, size or bravery but did well at soccer.

Apparently the people who made the movie "12 things I hate about you" decided to make another teen movie that ripped off Shakespeare. Which is fine by me, I remember that rip off of Shakespeare called Hamlet that Mel Gibson was in, I forget what Shakespeare play it was based on but it sucked. These guys do not hide the fact that they are ripping off the play and make the names of charcters the same and named the schools after Ilryia which was the country "Twelth Night" was made in. They also hide little things in the movie such as a poster showing a Shakespeare play in the background.

SO in the movie this girl who plays soccer (is that a redundant phrase?) gets her team cut off and her brother is one his way to London (imagine that a guy who could be impersonated by his sister would be the type to go to London). So she decides to take his place at school and play for the footie team and defeat her old school who would not let her try out for the boys squad once the lesbian squad got clipped.

So from that point forward it is just a cliched gender bender film akin to any other that pops up from time to time. A few years ago they had one called Ladybugs about a boy pretending to be a girl in order to play soccer. it is implicitly anti homosexual because when the main character falls for a guy and errantly makes a pass at him while portraying a male we all should laugh when he flips out. It makes me wonder if we are really laughing at his situation or as sophisticated people are laughing at him for his stupidity, ignorance and closed mind. I am so like, "hello, if it looks like Amanda Byrnes, I do not care what tackle is in those footie shorts I am going to figure out a way to enjoy it" I do not care if it is a male, female, or person of the third gender if it looks like Amanda Byrnes I am going to tap it. They also made a nuanced gay character who wazas portrayed in the worst stereotype as a catty meddling simpering wimp.

This movie is a travesty. Even the girl on girl bathroom fight lacked any real passion. The directors need to get some of those topless women's fist fights from Russia off the internet to see how women can fight. At the end of the movie the brother has to prove he is a boy and she has to prove she is a girl so they do some lame shots that avoid any nudity. They just cut out a view of her breasts and then when the brother drops trou they show a back view and then a number of people make snide comments to the effect that a large phallus is enviable or somehow better than a smaller one, which is basically a hurtful, painful concept that cruelly causes society to value some big donkey over a kind sensitive guy like me. Furthermore 4.5 inches is completely within the normal range and is entirely nough to have a normal sex life and all these guys running their mouths about theirs are not measuring the right way and even if they told Sandy all that they put all their emphasis on size not technique.

This movie basically sucked and was entirely predictable. Should someone warn, "This is a spoiler" on their review, if they do not wonder if for a second she will not get the guy, score the winning goal and get her parents back together? How about a dose of reality in a film for once? Maybe she gets busted for fraud, her brother gets thrown out of school for cheating since she does his school work, and then she gets put into intensive pschotherapy to sort out her gender identity. I had some issues in my youth because my mother really wanted a girl so bad and then realized that i did make a nice pretty girl and until I was 13 and reached puberty was forced to live as a girl. Guess what? My life did not end like an Amanda Byrnes movie, I am now 37 years old working a $7 per hour job and drinking two liters of cheap whiskey each day. I spend half my time dressed as a man and half the time presenting myself as a woman and then when I find my self in a sitch where I am the dominant party I am having the neighbor boy wearing wigs. This kind of mivie makes fun of crossdressing like it is some kind of big game to play and trickk people, and I am telling you it isn't. I hope all you miserable people watch this movie and realize that Amanda Byrnes is so much more hotter when she is pretending to be a boy. That is all I have to say

Summary: Bringing back painful memories