Don't Hail This Cab (Taxi [2004] (DVD))

Member Name: kenjohn

Product:	Taxi [2004] (DVD)
Date:	16/03/09 (155 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None I can think of . Well, maybe the good looking bandits !

Disadvantages: Drastic acting!

A few years back I watched a couple of foreign language DVD's (French) called "Taxi" and the sequel "Taxi 2" by the French writer and producer Luc Besson, who is probably best known for the movie "Leon". (1994) Both were highly amusing comedies that lost little by being subtitled, and indeed I have watched both of them again since then to while away a pleasant couple of hours in front of the old gogglebox.

This DVD is a English language remake of the original Luc Besson movie so it was a nap that I was going to purchase and watch the DVD at some stage. As it transpires this was a very bad mistake.
The remake was released on DVD by Fox in April 2005 and starred (if you can call it that) Jimmy Fallon, a so-called comedian whose main claim to fame appears to be as a stand-up comic on the American TV show "Saturday Night Live". The other star (and I use the title star advisedly!) is a hip-hop singer called Queen Latifah. Well, she might well be a star in the world of hip-hop, and if that's the case then I would strongly advise her to stick to what she knows best, as her acting ability would appear to be non-existent!

I suppose I better give you a brief synopsis of the plot of the movie. It follows the original Luc Besson version almost to the letter. (Or should that be the frame) Queen Lafitah plays a New York taxi driver called Belle, who has just graduated to the world of cab driving after spending years as a bike courier while studying for her license and saving enough money to totally customise her brand new yellow cab. You see, she likes to drive fast; in fact, she likes to drive VERY fast, and has modified her taxi so that it is now capable of competing with a Formula One racing car!

Jimmy Fallon is Washburn, an imbecilic New York cop, a title role he should have fitted into perfectly if his so-called acting and comedy ability is anything to go by.

A bunch of crooks, in this case *VERY* glamorous Brazilian supermodels, are robbing banks and making their getaway in a souped-up BMW 750i, while at the same time taunting the police with their daring escapades. Washburn is frantic to catch them, the only problem being that he's probably the worst driver in Christendom, being unable to even differentiate between forward and reverse gears.

Step into the picture the aforementioned Belle, who has inadvertently taken Washburn on a high-speed taxi ride around the New York streets without realising he's a cop, and is subsequently in imminent danger of losing her new and hard-earned cab licence. In exchange for her assistance in catching the beautiful banditos, Washburn is prepared to allow Belle to keep her license. Various and multifarious car chases ensue around the New York streets and highways as the deadly duo attempt to thwart the ambitions of the delectable bad girls.

That's it; that's the plot in a nutshell, although there are various other smaller sub-plots thrown in for good measure. Washburn's alcoholic mother (played by Ann-Margret) and Washburn's romantic yearning for his police lieutenant, Marta Robbins (Jennifer Esposito) to name but two.

In fairness, it's not the plot that's to blame for this being such a dire movie. Although hardly a classic, it provided plenty laughs, spills and thrills in the original 1998 French movie, which I thoroughly enjoyed. What drags this film down to the level of inane is the totally dreadful casting, and the absolutely non-existent acting ability of the two so-called leading stars, Queen Lafitah and Jimmy Fallon. Apart from the fact that I've watched better performances in my teenage daughter's school play, the dialogue between the two is utterly stupid. It seems to consist almost entirely of Washburn coming out with some totally idiotic remark or suggestion, to which Belle's reply is invariably something along the lines of "Shut up, fool" or "Damn, fool". (Shades of Mr T. in the A-Team, but not half as effective!)

Apart from that the movie seems to rely totally on high-speed car chases and action for it's laughs and thrills, which to be fair were not too bad, although nowhere near the standard set by the original French version.

As for the DVD extras. Well, there are a few, although the film is so bad why anyone would have the slightest interest in watching any of them is beyond comprehension! For starters there's a "special" extended version of the movie. This gives you an extra few minutes of footage when compared to the version released for the cinema, but adds nothing worthwhile or of any value to the movie.

Then there's the by now almost obligatory "Director's Commentary". The director Tim Story, who incidentally has previously directed absolutely nothing of note, seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that he has made such a truly awful film, and his commentary will probably hold the attention of anyone with even average intelligence for about a full thirty seconds!

There's a handful of small features on the actors, all seemingly designed to try (without success) to convince the audience that Queen Lafitah and Jimmy Fallon really *ARE* comedians and actors of some standing. (Pah, believe that and you'll believe anything!)

And last (thank God!) you have a few deleted scenes that are as equally inane as the rest of the movie. (Perhaps they would have been better advised to have deleted the WHOLE movie!)

OK, as you've probably already gathered, I feel that this badly named comedy movie is only fit for throwing into the nearest available dustbin, and that I totally wasted my hard-earned spondoolicks (money) by spending £11.99 on it at "sendit.com" just after it was released. Of course it's far cheaper now, at only £4.98 (new) or from a mere £0.09 used at Amazon in the UK. (March 2009)

I wouldn't recommend anyone in full control of his or her faculties to buy this movie.

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© KenJ

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Summary: A very poor remake of the excellent French original.