Extraordinary drivel (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (DVD))

Member Name: hogsflesh

Product:	The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (DVD)
Date:	30/01/04 (105 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Um, can't think of a, single advantage with this, piece of junk - sorry

Disadvantages: Ah, where to start? Its, bungled, amateurish and, generally weak

Adaptations of comic books have been enjoying great success in recent years, both artistically (Road to Perdition, Ghostworld) and financially (X-Men, Spider-Man). This film adapts a comic by Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill in which a series of superheroes from Victorian fiction team up to fight a greater evil. It's a fantastic concept, and the comic is superb. Unfortunately the film is diabolical.

Set in 1899, the film roughly follows the plot of the comic for at least part of the way: various 'extraordinary' individuals are recruited to help the British Empire in its hour of need. Allan Quartermain (Sean Connery), the hero of King Solomon's Mines, now a grizzled old man, is the leader. He's basically portrayed as a tough, wise-cracking Scot, which doesn't quite correspond to Rider Haggard. He's joined by Mina Harker from Dracula, who in the film is a vampire (makes you wonder if anyone had actually read the novel). Other League members include Captain Nemo (an imposing Sikh, the most brilliant scientist in the world), Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde and Skinner, an Invisible Man (not *the* Invisible Man, as the film rights to that particular character are owned by Universal, this is just *an* Invisible Man, suggesting that there were dozens of them running around Victorian England).

They are joined by two characters who aren't in the comic: Dorian Gray and Tom Sawyer. I'm not sure how useful either of them would be in a fight. Dorian Gray would probably spend most of his time drinking absinthe while watching a tortoise covered in jewels walk across the floor (or was that someone else? Same ballpark, anyway), and Sawyer's main ability seemed to involve hiding in caves. Turns out I'm wrong, though. Gray is a demon with his sword stick, and is effectively immortal, his famous portrait soaking up all the damage he takes. Sawyer, presumably included to try and interest the Americans, is now a secret agent, and a dab ha
nd with a gun (this is a woeful error - they should have used Huck Finn, who is just the kind of rascal to end up in the secret service.)

The League is recruited by the head of the British secret service, 'M', who needs them to stop an evildoer named the Phantom. It seems this 'Phantom' is trying to stir up a world war between the European powers, and plans to blow up a secret peace conference in Venice. It's at this point that the plot of the film and the comic part ways. A pity, as the comic's plot was far better. The rogue-agent-trying-to-start-a-war plot is borrowed from an excellent Sixties adventure film, The Assassination Bureau - watch that instead, Oliver Reed's finest hour. Anyway, off the League toddles in Nemo's amazing submarine, the Nautilus, to try and stop the Phantom.

Which seems like a good premise for a fun adventure movie, and so it is. But somewhere along the way something went badly wrong. There's a half-finished quality to the film; it's like watching an interesting first draft rather than a complete screenplay. There's lots to fit in, so the plot has to rattle along at such a pace that none of the ideas are properly explored. There are plenty of hoary old adventure film character clichés, such as Quartermain acting as mentor and surrogate father to Sawyer, or Sawyer's attempted romance with Mina, that aren't given much screen time. The audience, which knows exactly how these things work, is left to fill in the blanks, but this means there's no emotional involvement with any of it. In fact all the relationships between the characters are very weakly defined, which is a pity, as they're the best thing about the comic. There are two big twists in the story - one is as per the comic, so I already knew it was coming, and the other I'd guessed long before it was revealed - I'd suggest that if you've ever seen any films, read any books and have even a modicum
of intelligence then you'll guess it too.

The dialogue itself is often cringe-worthy. The worst examples are the constant stream of very obvious literary in-jokes, like references to Phileas Fogg or Sherlock Holmes. (The only good one is lifted from the comic: Nemo introduces the rest of the League to his first mate on the Nautilus; 'Call me Ishmael' he tells them, heh heh.) It's a pity, as James Robinson, who wrote the film, is an excellent writer of comics, and his dialogue is usually superb. I suspect that extensive re-writes were forced upon him. There were rumours of friction between Connery and the director, Stephen Norrington, and that may have contributed to making the film so bad.

The direction is pretty half-hearted, too. It never feels like anyone behind the camera really cares about what's going on. The design is lacklustre. Science fiction set in late Victorian times ('steampunk') should be visually very striking, but apart from the Nautilus, nothing here looks right. This includes most of the characters. Nemo, an imposing, powerful figure in the novels of Verne, doesn't seem right at all. I think it's the really terrible false beard they've stuck on him. And Mr Hyde is woeful. He's a huge, distorted, Incredible-Hulk-type creature, but the execution is abysmal; it's very obviously a man in a rubber suit. I'm no great fan of CGI effects, but I think this is one case where they'd have genuinely helped. All the special effects are pretty bad, to be honest. The action scenes aren't terribly good, although Nemo has his moments, and the big blockbuster ending is weak and predictable in every way.

Perhaps the most insulting thing is the dreadful continuity. The (sorry, 'an') Invisible Man often wears white makeup so we can see his face. The amount of his face that it covers varies from shot to shot, sometimes covering only his face, sometime his entire head. Likewise
, Nemo's beard seems to grow longer and shorter and longer again with disturbing regularity. This is pretty amateurish and certainly doesn't help us to suspend our disbelief.

The actors do the best they can with the material. Most of them are OK (although 'M' is obviously far too young). Connery is Connery, although he's now too old to pull this kind of thing off. He also wears a wig for some reason. Because he's so famously bald I always find it very distracting when he has hair. Peta Wislon as Mina is rather good, and looks jolly nice (she could bite my neck any time! Although I'd prefer it if she just had sex with me). Shane West as Sawyer was surprisingly tolerable. Stuart Townsend as Dorian Gray, on the other hand, left a lot to be desired, a thoroughly lazy display of decadence. The Phantom looks ridiculous, and his accent is appalling (although at one point he taunts Quartermain by shouting 'You're weak!' which sounded like he was saying 'Your wig!', as if to draw attention to Connery's vanity). A distinctly unhealthy looking David Hemmings has a small cameo at the start, but apart from him and Connery I recognised no one in the film at all.

A terrible disappointment. Shame, as it's a really great idea. This has just been released on DVD and video. If you must see it, I urge you not to spend any money on it at all. Either wait for it to appear on Channel 5, or do what I did, and get a friend to download a pirate copy off the internet (great dodge, eh, readers?) If I were you, I'd just read the comic instead. It's great. The film sucks.

(Oh, hang on a minute. Obviously *don't* download it from the internet - that's illegal, and immoral, and you'll be taking food out of Sean Connery's mouth. Sorry.)

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