Cullen-ary Delights and Lovelorn Lunar-cy (Twilight [2008] (DVD))

Member Name: plipplop

Product:	Twilight [2008] (DVD)
Date:	23/07/09 (149 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: It looks gorgeous

Disadvantages: It's so tame and lovelorn and sanitised and dull and...

A review of just the film, the region 2 DVD of Twilight was released in various versions in April 2009.

When teenager Bella's mum hooks up with a new fella and goes off on a tour with him, she opts to move from the Arizona heat to the rather damper climes of Washington State, to stay with her father, a police sheriff. With a new home comes the usual tribulations of a new school and a whole new batch of friends and Bella is initially unsure that she will fit into her new town. But then she sees Edward Cullen, a mysterious and handsome student that keeps himself to himself for reasons nobody really understands and Bella finds herself transfixed. As the two begrudgingly become friends and more, Bella soon realises that Edward Cullen is not the person everybody thinks he is and before long, she sees her handsome new friend in an entirely new, rather glittery light......

From a series of enormously successful novels by Stephanie Meyer, Twilight is the first in what the studios hope to be a long franchise built around an intimate family sharing a dark secret. Throughout most of 2008 and the early part of 2009 is was almost impossible to escape the presence of Twilight, a movie that did fantastic business at the box office and seemed to be the focus of an almost neverending stream of reviews and gasps of lovelorn wonder at its male lead, Robert Pattinson. Readers of the book(s) generally seemed to agree that this new on-screen manifestation was everything they could ever have hoped for and it was all lauded as the new Harry Potter.

Well, if unwarranted hype and tiresome adulation are the relevant criteria then the Twilight series is almost certainly going to be the new Harry Potter. Having resisted the urge to take part in the whole circus until now, I am, unsurprisingly not particularly impressed and really struggle to see what the big deal really is. But then almost certainly, the problem is that I'm not a fifteen year-old girl.

Let's start with the positive. Catherine Hardwicke's visuals are invigorating, gorgeous and absolutely intoxicating. Her use of the wooded, snow-covered terrain is inspiring and were Twilight to be used as a promotional tool for the Washington tourist board, this would almost certainly be a winner. Hardwicke's camera inspires a genuine sense of wonder, not really because we occasionally witness a young man do incredible things but simply because the natural beauty of the area is so stunning. Free from the trappings of beaches and sun-kissed bodies, the location for Twilight is far less superficial, focusing instead on the characterisation taking place and the very intimate, homely nature of the community into which Bella is now thrust.

For the Cullen family, said characterisation works reasonably well. Coming across rather like a sort of Addams Family for the noughties, the Cullen vampire heritage manages (generally) to avoid cliché and provides us with a group of individuals who share many of the same values as their human counterparts. Loyal to one another and to their community, the head of the family is the local doctor, spending his time saving lives, committed to the belief that his family will never take human life. His wife is beautiful, and his selection of adopted children equally so, even if none of them truly exhibits any real sense of vampirism. The daughters are superficial and irritating, rather like something from a High School Musical movie and although Edward's brothers are pretty hot (or should that be ice cold?) it's only really Edward who really, really looks and feels like a vampire.

Putting hormones at the door, Robert Pattinson almost certainly deserves the accolades that are being thrust upon him. Pattinson is every part the vampire, from the pasty, dull skin to the mysterious eyes and that knowing, inhuman swagger that goes with the territory. Here is someone that we can truly believe struggles with what he has become, notably in the early days of his relationship with Bella when his strange behaviour is almost entirely misunderstood. He's definitely a handsome chap, although not the stud muffin the press would have you believe, and almost certainly a bigger hit with those lower down the age bracket than those who appreciate a real man. Indeed his brother Emmett (Kellan Lutz) is by far the more attractive of the family but gets none of the attention.

All that aside, Twilight is the sort of film to which you will either make a connection or not and for me, the link failed almost entirely. I found Bella (Kristen Stewart) to be dour, sulky and almost entirely unsympathetic. I found her constant long face and disapproval without saving grace and couldn't really understand for the life of me what it was that Edward saw in her. Indeed, the whole 'amazing' romance thing here just didn't cut the mustard. Edward and Bella's relationship develops too quickly and too intensely for no real reason and seems to exist only to reassure the needy female audience that one day they too could find their very own Edward Cullen. As such, the whole thing feels extremely immature and very, very sanitised. This has to be the least bloody vampire film that I've ever seen, for example. The little bit of killing that happens takes place off screen, the director almost squealing with disapproval that she might accidentally see somebody get bitten. There's some truly awful wire work too, with Edward occasionally clambering up trees and across rocks in a painfully inadequate way that just doesn't look 'right'.

The whole narrative feels like a bit of a marker; a necessary evil, in which the characters and situations are introduced so that the story can really get going in later chapters. As such, very little actually happens, with the little action there is revolving around a nasty vampire named James (Cam Gigandet looking as hot as ever) managing to get attracted to Bella's scent and quickly hunting her down. Even these scenes seem hurried and clumsily shot, as though the director really didn't want to detract the pre-pubescents from lingering shots of James Pattinson (whose hair just seems to get bigger and bigger as the film progresses.) Curiously, there isn't a whiff of anything erotic here either, with no real hint of sexuality - just kissing, embracing and countless, endless lingering looks to demonstrate our two leads' undying love for one another. Indeed, Meyer presses her obvious agenda very clearly her. Bella is 'ready' to accept Cullen's 'vampirism' but he forces himself to abstain. What could that represent, I wonder?

As you've probably guessed, I wasn't a rapturous fan of Twilight. Everything about it is lovely to look at, from the gorgeous cast members to the beautiful location filming and even the little details like the romantic setting of Bella's prom night. But it's all very superficial and very, very immature and aside from the audience demographic that will sit with a tub of ice-cream and a box of tissues simpering with emotional empathy for the larger part of the running time, the appeal is extremely narrow. With four books in the series (so far), this franchise looks set to run for some time, but Meyer will need to pull something fundamentally more gripping out of the bag if she wants me to join in for this particular ride again.

Summary: I kissed a vampire and I liked it