This is just the filmic equivalent of self-indulgent 6th form poetry. (Twilight [2008] (DVD))

Member Name: Neenawneenaw

Product:	Twilight [2008] (DVD)
Date:	14/10/09 (9 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: It looks quite good

Disadvantages: None of the wit, depth and believability (character-wise!) of Buffy

Well, there's no point in going in to the basic plot. If you don't know that then where have you been for goodness sake. I already knew the plot, and that was after studiously ignoring the books and reviews of the movie. Admittedly I am a regular reader of Heat, so Twilight overload has been at times a little hard to avoid, with that publication's unhealthy obsession with R-Pattz (that's Robert Pattinson to those who are equally annoyed by Su Bo, Li-Lo etc).

Anyhoo, the question was, would this film be as drippy and fit-for-adolescents-only as I imagined, or would there actually be something in it for the grown ups? Weeelllll... I found it pretty dull actually. Lots of longing staring into each others eyes (interspersed by weirdly amusing speed-scrambling up trees, which seems to be a vampire hobby).

Pattinson does his job OK as the 'veggie' vampire Edward Cullen - he has the cheekbones for the pasty makeup and the looks to appeal to teenage girls. And vampires are meant to be broody and humourless, right? So what's Bella's excuse? Oh yeah, she's a teenage girl. So yes, she gets to be moody and drippily head-over-heels. But is that all? Just cos she's a teenage girl did she leave all sense of humour and rounded character at the door? And this is where I have to mention the B word.

Yes, all teen vampire stories on the big or small screen will always be measured up against Buffy the Vampire Slayer in my mind. And it's hard not to be found wanting. Obviously the effects in Twilight are better due to budget and technology advances, but everything else seems slow, dull and 2-dimensional in comparison. R Pattz doesn't brood like Angel. And as Buffy showed us, all teenage girls dealing with vampires must be juggling their time with high-school social dramas.

So my advice? Just go watch Buffy again instead!

Summary: Insipid, 2-D vampire flick. Boring!