Succulent. Sinister. Theirs is the ultimate lust! (Vampires (DVD))

Name: hogsflesh

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Product:	Vampires (DVD)
Date:	04.06.04 (521 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Lesbian vampires,, great director?s commentary,, some nice shots and stuff

Disadvantages: Not really as good, as its enthusiastic, following suggests

Ah, lesbian vampires. Is there any more welcome sight in a film than lesbian vampires? I think not. (Well, actually, a talking brain in a jar is good, as is a mischievous monkey wearing a fez, but lesbian vampires are certainly up there). I?m not sure exactly why lesbian vampires are so great. I can entirely understand the appeal of lesbians (in a soft core porn context, I obviously don?t intend to objectify or demean real life lesbians) - men like naked ladies, two naked ladies together is obviously twice as good, and if they?re fiddling about with each other, all the better. I also understand the appeal of vampires - they?re cool, they?re dead, they suck blood. But why is it that combining the two has such enduring appeal? The question is largely rhetorical, although if anyone has any ideas on the subject I?d be fascinated to hear them.

Lesbian vampires were invented by author J Sheridan LeFanu in his 1872 novella Carmilla. They featured in a couple of Universal horror films in the 30s, albeit well-hidden. But it was in the 60s and 70s, when censorship and exploitation cinema reached an uneasy compromise, that the lesbian vampire really took off. A mainstay of European soft-core porn horror movies, the lesbian vampire featured heavily in the films of awful directors like Jesus Franco and Jean Rollin. She even appeared in a couple of very bad Hammer horrors. This film, Vampyres, is a cut above most lesbian vampire movies. Released by Anchor Bay, it?s the first time the film has been available in the UK uncut, as the 70s censors really didn?t get on with its heady mix of sex and violence. It was made in England on a very low budget in 1974 by Spanish exploitation director José Ramón Larraz, and has quite a cult following among horror enthusiasts.

The film begins with two attractive
young ladies (Marianne Morris and Anulka) rolling around naked in bed together. A man bursts in and shoots them both. Resurrected as vampires, the two comely women pose as hitchhikers, taking men back to their old dark house for a bit of how?s your father followed by some heavy duty blood drinking. The plot, what there is of it, is provided by a young couple in a nearby caravan (Brian Deacon and Sally Faulkner) who become increasingly suspicious of the lesbian vampire antics taking place across the road. Also, one of the sexy vampire ladies keeps one man (Murray Brown) alive, sleeping with him and drinking his blood night after night. Naturally enough there?s plenty of nudity, sex and blood before the film reaches its (frankly baffling) conclusion.

It?s not a bad film, but it certainly isn?t the erotic masterpiece its cult reputation suggests. Which is fine, as I wasn?t really expecting it to be. The vampire ladies are both very pretty (especially the blonde Anulka), but while the nude scenes are certainly pretty explicit, no one looks even remotely like they?re actually emotionally involved at any point. The women were obviously hired for their looks, and aren?t so great when it comes to anything other than standing around naked (their voices are dubbed by more experienced actresses). The rest of the cast are pretty good, making the most of the material they have to work with. The only familiar face in the cast is Michael Byrne, who plays an evil Nazi in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Larraz obviously had a lot of talent as a director. The composition of some of the shots in Vampyres is very good indeed. The photography in the film is also very well done, making effective use of the sinister Gothic mansion. The art direction is excellent, with the interiors of the girls? house being a nice mixture of s
umptuousness and decay. The incidental music is good, too, nicely sinister without being too overbearing. There are some quite creepy touches here and there, like the mirror covered in paper (mirrors aren?t much use for vampires), although they tend to get lost amid the boobs and blood. All in all, this is a reasonable little horror film with plenty of gratuitous nudity. It takes itself a bit too seriously, and isn?t really good enough to live up to its aspirations, but ultimately not too bad.

The DVD extras are good. There?s a genuinely impressive photo gallery, with loads of behind the scenes pictures, along with scans of press books and magazine articles. There?s a great US trailer, which is sure to please anyone who likes old US exploitation trailers. It has a typically entertaining voice-over. (?Night after crimson night they play a game as cruel as the grave from which they rise!?) By contrast, the British trailer is thoroughly restrained, showing no nudity whatsoever. (Although I think most of the nude scenes were cut for the British release, so maybe that?s why they aren?t in the trailer.) There?s a ?Featurette?, in which Marianne Moore and Anulka talk about their memories of the film. They both seem nice enough ladies who are both surprisingly proud of having appeared in a slightly tawdry lesbian vampire film. Although they?re both still annoyed at being over-dubbed, and quite rightly so.

The best feature on the DVD is the commentary. It?s easily the best DVD commentary I?ve ever seen. The film?s producer. Brian Smedley-Aston and the director, Larraz, talk us through the film. Smedley-Aston does the usual commentary stuff - telling us where the locations were, what the cast and crew did afterwards etc. He?s mildly interesting, but nothing special. Larraz, o
n the other hand, is a very different proposition. His English isn?t very good, for one thing (he invents some great words, like ?aggressivity? and ?lesbianic?). Also, his Spanish accent is extremely thick, making a lot of what he says completely incomprehensible. He has a great throaty chuckle, and is completely unrestrained by notions of political correctness or feminism. He makes frequent reference to the actresses? ?teets?. He really perks up during the sex scenes, interjecting comments like ?Look at dat!? or ?Fantastic!? He claims that his own video copy of the film is cut, and is delighted to see bits of the actresses he hadn?t seen for years: ?Jesus Christ! I see the poossy of Anoolka! Fantastic!? Ungentlemanly it may be, but it?s really, really funny. It?s also somehow comforting to know that the directors of exploitation movies are exactly the kind of dirty old man I?d always assumed they were.

Larraz? explanations of character motivations are a hoot, too: ?I assume he was eemportant for make sex to her.? He also has other little digressions; he spends about five minutes telling us how great Alan Parker?s film Angel Heart is. And he dismisses French art-house cinema: ?That is facking stupid!? I don?t know, perhaps it?s just me, but I was falling about with laughter for pretty much the whole commentary. All DVD commentaries should be like this; everyone should hire an ageing, lascivious Spaniard to talk over their films.

So there we are. It?s a soft-core porn/horror film about lesbian vampires. I don?t really think I can recommend this as such, as you have to enjoy a fairly specific type of film to want to watch it at all. It?s ultimately just an exploitation film with some slightly classy direction, and not really anything special. The director?s commentary earns it an extra s
tar.

Rated 18 for lots and lots of nudity, sex and blood. Obviously steer well clear if any or all of those things upset you.

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