I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue... (Suggested items...)

Member Name: pje

Product:	Suggested items...
Date:	18/11/01 (384 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: You might piss yourself laughing.

Disadvantages: You might piss yourself laughing.

I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue (ISIHAC) is Radio 4's "antidote to panel games"
in which four celebrities (and I use that term wrongly) are given silly things to do by their droll chairman - the jazz-trumpeter Humphrey Lyttelton,
until his assistant-cum-score-keeper, the lovely Samantha, blows his horn. (Incidentally, 80-year-old Humph was recently heard blowing his horn
on the track Living In A Glass House on the Radiohead album: Amnesiac.)

A spin off from I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again, ISIHAC was devised
by Graeme Garden, and first broadcast on Tuesday 11th April 1972.
The other two Goodies (Bill Oddie and Tim Brooke-Taylor) were also panellists on the first show along with Jo Kendall. Oddie and Kendall
were later replaced by Barry Cryer and the late Willie Rushton.
Since Rushton's death in 1996 his place has been taken by a variety
of guests including Stephen Fry, Paul Merton, and Tony Hawks.

The show begins with Humph extracting the michael from the history
of the town in which the show is being recorded, as well as the panel.
Many different games are played (although some are never played again!)
Regular games include:-


Word For Word
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If Sigmund Freud were still alive he would be even older than Humph. Meanwhile, in this game each member of the panel has to say a word.
Any word. Any word at all. Simple as that. Except that each word must be completely unconnected to the last. Of course the other team, oh, sorry, did I forget to mention that the panellists are paired off into two teams?
(Graeme Garden and Barry Cryer versus Tim Brooke-Taylor and the guest.) As I was saying, the other team can challenge if they spot a connection...


Limericks
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Self-explanatory, but I suppose you would like an example? OK:

A cheeky young cow-poke called Hank,
Went into the woods with a plank.
Fo
r three or four winters
He suffered the splinters
But he laughed all the way to the bank.

Hmmm, I'm not sure that last line is quite right. Try this one instead:

While out on the Cam in a punt,
I saw Reverend Spooner in front.
He said: "What a day gay!"
And: "Anchors aweigh!"
And: "Make way for my podding sunt."


Cheddar Gorge
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In, this, game. the, panel, build, a, sentence, by, taking, it, in, turns,
to, say, one, word, without, coming, to, a, full, stop, or, the, game, will, degenerate, as, some, players, take, the, easy, option, of, inserting, words, like, "and", or, "then", but, others, are, more, perverse, and, insert, cucumbers, in, the, wrong, place, to, throw, the, other, players...


Mornington Crescent
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This is the most famous game, this is always greeted with a cheer.
The rules are subject to much discussion on numerous newsgroups
and websites on the internet.

Ostensibly the players take it turns to move from one London tube station to another, with the aim of getting to Mornington Crescent, at which point the game is over. In reality, of course, it is a fiendishly subtle deconstruction of society's obsession with empirical rationalism.

If you are a unfamiliar with the rules of Morningtion Crescent then please do NOT try searching for Mornington Crescent on the internet, as this will lead you to advanced sites not suitable for novices. There have been some terrible tragedies caused when inexperienced players, bamboozled by a particularly complex variation of the game. forget to mind the gap,
so under no circumstances should novices visit any of these websites:

http://www.dunx.org/mc/index.html
http://www.playmorningtoncrescent.co.uk/
http://madeira.physiol.ucl.ac.uk/cgi-bin/cresc ent/mornington.pl

They should also avoid Radio 4
's Mornington Crescent notice board at:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cgi-perl/h2/h2.cgi?state= view&board=radio4.game

However, it is probably safe to buy the Little Book of Mornington Crescent, which is available at all good book shops (and some bloody awful ones).
"Stovold's Mornington Crescent Almanac 2002" is also now available.


What's The Question
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In this game Humph gives the answer and the panel have to supply
the question. for example:

<Humph> If the answer is: 700 wives, what is the question?
<Sandi Toksvig> What does the work of a million men?


Historical News Headlines
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The panellists speculate as to how today's newspapers would have reported an historical event.


New Definitions
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Players are asked to suggest new/alternative meanings for words.
For example:

INTERNET - a curtain you can't see through.
SATIRE - looking down on someone.

Feel free to suggest new definitions of your own in the comments thread...


Sound Charades
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This is a radio version of the fondly remembered ITV Charades game
Give Us A Clue. As dear old Humph once said, who can forget the time
that Lionel Blair tried to pull off Twelve Angry Men in 60 seconds?
Of course since it's on the radio the panellists are allowed to speak...


Hunt The Slipper
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If Guglielmo Marconi were alive today he would turn in his grave, disgusted by the way that the radio airwaves are so completely wasted. Hunt The Slipper on the other hand is a traditional old party game which adapts to the wireless like a brick to water. The players pass a slipper around until Humph, who has his eyes closed, says "Slipper seach on".
He then opens them again and has to guess who is the "slipper holder".
If
you want to play along at home, feel free to close your eyes too.
(Don't forget to open them again though!)


Late Arrivals
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Here the panel are invited to announce the arrival of some appropriately named guests at one of those posh Balls where a bloke in a penguin suit introduces the guests as they arrive.

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome...

Mr. & Mrs. Wall-Carpetting and their son: Walter Wall-Carpeting.
Mr. & Mrs. Ornot-Tooby and their actor son: Toby Ornot-Tooby.
Mr. & Mrs. Beloved and their undertaker daughter: Dilly Beloved.

Here, all the way from Scotland:
Mr. & Mrs. Doothatoryadeed and their daughter: Donna Doothatoryadeed.
...and from Australia:
Mr. & Mrs. Jingpom and their daughter: Wynne Jingpom.

...and last but not least, from the world of television:
Mr. & Mrs. Bennett-not-another-flaming-party-political-broadc ast, and
their son: Gordon Bennett-not-another-flaming-party-political-broadc ast.


Musical games, featuring Colin Sell banging away on the piano, include:


Pick Up Song
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Each panellist has to sing along to a record, but the record is faded out and they have to carry on solo. When the song is faded back in, if they're within a gnat's whisker of the original Humph will award them some points - and what do points make...?


Swanee/Kazoo
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Two panellists attempt to play a well known tune using a swanee whistle and a kazoo. Not particularily funny, just silly.


and


One Song To The Tune of Another
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I'm sorry, this game is far too complicated to explain...


Humph always ends the show with a bizarrely contrived metaphor
for example, a show recorded in my home town was ended thusly:

Well, ladies and gentlemen, as the red-red-robin of time
goes bob-bob-bobbing under the
snow plough of destiny,
and the sage and onion stuffing mixture of fate
is rammed up the eternally unfrozen turkey of damnation,
I notice it's the end of the show...


I didn't discover this programme until it had been running for more than twenty years and I've been kicking myself ever since (and you thought that was just the way I walked!) Knowing that I grew up NOT listening
to this will annoy me for the rest of my days. It's the funniest programme on the airwaves.

ISIHAC is broadcast on Radio 4 (92.4-94.6 MHz FM / 198m LW)
and over the internet at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/live_feed.html
on Mondays at 6:30pm (and is repeated at noon on Sundays) GMT.

Don't miss it, and if you have been missing it buy the tapes from the BBC.


P.S.
A Mrs. Trellis of North Wales has written in to complain that the show
has a enormous fistful of rampant innuendo rammed into every crack,
but surely only a truly filthy-minded person would think such a thing.

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For more of this silliness check out:-

          http://www.isihac.co.uk/index.html

The Official BBC website is at:

          http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/comedy/c lue.shtml
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