Not my bowl of rice! (1) (Fever - Kylie Minogue)

Member Name: Kepler

Product:	Fever - Kylie Minogue
Date:	26/05/04 (102 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: One half decent song

Disadvantages: Pop induced coma, All the songs sound the same

?Fever? is unquestionably an album which is aimed at your Saturday nightclub attendee. With monotonous beats and a a whole host of synthesised electronic blips and whirring it is always going to appeal to those peeps that like to get up and dance. But for me Kylie?s music is lazy and half-arsed. It?s music made by a bludger(2 - See footnote), who knows her records will sell on reputation alone. For the most part I can?t really tell where one song ends and another begins. When I listen to this album all I hear is forty or so minutes of half-baked beats and synthesised rhythms. I really cannot see the appeal of this album and anyone who listens to this and thinks it stands for good music must have kangaroos loose in the top paddock(3).

The first track ?More More More? a fellow reviewer describes as a ?groovy, breathy slice of sexy dance music?. WTF? All I hear is monotonous beep, beep, beep, whir, clappy noise repeat for bloody four minutes and forty seconds... arghhhhhh. The one saving grace is that I?ve always found Kylie?s voice to be on the whole, pleasant and unobtrusive. But then saying that with all the equipment available to sound engineers these days they could probably make a ?hundred a day?, chain smoking alcoholic sound like a top 5 artist. Moving on seamlessly from the first track we have... hold on the CD hasn?t changed tracks... oh no my mistake it has. I wonder why Kylie has included this song twice and with a different title. It is the same song isn?t it? ?Love at first sight? features more inane electronica and the same sorry beat. Except that this time it?s overlaid with ?boo, boo, boo? and the whirring has been omitted. What else can I say? Pure pop trash.

Now we move onto the number one single ?Can?t get you out of my head? a veritable slice of commercial pop guaranteed to r
ot your brain. Any song that opens with the words...

La La La, La La La La La La/
La La La, La La La La La La/
La La La, La La La La La La/
La La La, La La La La La La/

...deserves to be flown directly into the sun or banished to the fiery pits of hell along with its lazy creator. This sums up the overall feel that I get from this album - that of laziness. Is there anything more half-arsed than using ?La Las? instead of proper lyrics. Any dimwit can do that. The sad fact is that this actually got to number one and poignantly illustrates the state of our music industry. There are so many, much worthier artists who would do anything for a number one single but instead we reward an over the hill Aussie who repeatedly churns out the same dross. Anyway moving onto the next song we have the title track ?Fever?. Sounding more like the soundtrack from a 2D Commodore 64 platform game, Fever has the same electronic sound as its predecessors. However, even compared to the previous tracks it sounds bodgy(4) and the production is very understated. To be honest it sounds like its been recorded on a Dictaphone and played on one of those child sized keyboards.

The following three songs follow pretty much the same pattern. ?Give it to me? could be any one of the first four tracks and it?s become glaringly obvious that Kylie isn?t looking for diversification on this record. All the songs are straightforward dance tracks designed to get the youngsters bopping and jiving. ?Fragile? slows the pace slightly but behind its staid exterior lurks the same electronic sound desperately trying to escape and eventually given its release in the all too familiar chorus. Now I don?t want be labelled as a knocke
r(5) or someone who suffers from the dreaded ?Tall poppy syndrome?(6) but by this point I was really bored with this album and still had six tracks to get through. Needless to say I won?t bore you with details of all the tracks as any of my descriptions could equally apply to any of the remaining tracks with the exception of one.

After managing to listen all the way through the samey ?In your eyes?, ?Dancefloor? and ?Love affair? I finally got my reward - a half decent song. Track ten of the album ?Your love? departs from the already well trodden electronica track and instead features a rather pleasant acoustic guitar. Now this song sounds like some effort has been put into it. With a slower and more contemplative rhythm it also features probably the best vocals from the album. Nothing fancy just a good song with a great rhythm and a sing along feel.

?Fever? is an album that is going to appeal to all ravenous pop/dance junkies and certainly delivers a sizeable hit of trashy tunes. It?s ?London to a brick?(7) that until her dying day Kylie will sell records by the bucket load in the UK and abroad. For me however, Kylie?s music will never hit the spot. I need my music to have feeling and to know that the person who wrote it, wrote it for better reasons than to simply maintain an already mapped out career. If you like pop/dance then by all means rush down to the local record shop (if you already haven?t) and buy it, I?m sure you won?t be disappointed. But while your there at least take a glance at the almost abandoned section (the one featuring the unkempt fellow in flared ripped, jeans) labelled ?alternative/indie? and pay your respects to those tortured souls who make music for the minority not the commercial masses.


A guide to Australian slang

1. Not my bowl of rice - not my cup of tea
2. Bludger -
a lazy person.
3. Kangaroos loose in the top paddock - intellectually inadequate
4. Bodgy - of inferior quality
5. Knocker - someone who criticises
6. Tall poppy syndrome - the tendency to criticise successful people
7. London to a brick - an absolute certainty

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