| Product: |
I Love It When You Die - AC |
| Date: |
10/07/01 (50 review reads) |
| Rating: |
 |
Advantages: Funny Funny
Disadvantages: Crappy Crappy
I don’t think I need to say too much here, because if you have a sense of humour (and good vision) you’ll be laughing already. The only way I’ll let you off, is if Amit decides to censor the title, or if he refuses to add the category altogether, which kinda means I’m about to waste the next ten minutes of my life (because otherwise, y’know, I’d be like, saving the world, man…).
Anal Cunt. I leave it up to you and your sensitivity to decide whether I’m calling you a horrible name, or actually making a point. Anal Cunt. Again - Anal Cunt.
Ah calm down, I’m allowed. It’s a band, haven’t you heard of them? They’re notorious within my circle of friends (in real life that is, not on Dooyoo), so you’re bound to have. Do you see what I’m doing here? Do you? I’m echoing their attitude, dude. I’m creating a parody of the fact that their every song title, album cover and action is designed 100% to offend and shock you. I secretly NEVER read ANY of your opinions (only pretend to), I’m really a 60 year old woman and I engage regularly in sexual acts with goldfish. Are those sentences the wrong way around? Who knows.
In case I’ve lost you already, let’s have a giggle at some of Anal Cunt’s song titles, taken from the album ‘I Like It When You Die’.
You’ve Got No Friends
You Are A Food Critic
You Look Adopted
Because You’re Old
Windchimes Are Gay
Technology’s Gay (classic)
You Live In A Houseboat
Recycling Is Gay
You’re Gay
Funny stuff, huh? Go on, admit it. Their shamelessnesssssss amuses you. Laugh! Laugh your guilty, suppressed little laugh, and be honest with the world for once. These are real songs, taken from a real album. It’s in HMV right now. Look at how deliberately homophobic, offensive, ignorant and stupid the
y are. They’re called Anal Cunt. See how they expose societies most secret of secret thoughts. Understand how they’re opening your eyes, presenting you with yourself, myself, and everything we struggle to disguise. You want more? You got it.
Ha, Ha, Your Wife Left You
Your Kid If Deformed
You Have Goals (my favourite)
You Are An Interior Decorator
Being A Cobbler Is Dumb
Charming, right? Work beyond your instant reaction of dismissal, smugness and superiority. Fight past the automatic flinch of your morals. Realise that Anal Cunt are laughing at you, me, and everything we’ve ever thought, felt, seen or heard. Look at how they’re anticipating and provoking such obvious emotions from you. At their most offensive:
You Got Date Raped
You Are An Orphan
You’ve Got Cancer
You’re In A Coma
And at their most insightful:
We Just Disagree
Hungry Hungry Hippos
You’re Old (F**k You)
Locking Drop Dead In McDonalds
Right from the album’s front cover, which shows a drugged-up man pushing an old lady off a cliff, it is obvious that Anal Cunt are trying to be THE most offensive they possibly can be. It’s up to you to decide something, and that something is this: is I Like It When You Die by Anal Cunt simply the sordid, unintelligent work of people who genuinely harbour attitudes that are as perverse, demented and barbaric as the songs titles suggest, or is really designed to be heartily laughed at. In relation to this, we must try to decide if Seth Putnam (vocals, guitar, keyboard), Josh Martin (guitar) and Nate Linehan (drums), are in fact a manifestation of every politically incorrect, wicked thought we have (then deny), or indeed nothing more then drugged-up, horrible, unimaginative and lazy young men. These decisions are yours, and will likely be influenced by how you perceive the importance of both Anal Cunt, a
nd of yourselves, and will offer yet another good indication of whether or whether not I would seek to befriend you in real life. My humble opinion is that being offended and outraged, or, equally, arrogant and condescending in your estimation, is the equivalent to following a dangling carrot or biting (fish) like at a thinly disguised hook. When I’m feeling down or, equally, feeling up, Anal Cunt and their ordacity is almost always enough to make me grin. If this makes me a immoral, fibre-less and sadistic being, then so be it. Yes, some people really are orphans, and no, it isn’t particularly funny at all. Anal Cunt, however, are very, very funny indeed.
And so on now, to their music. What could you possibly expect? Well I hope you would expect what is to be expected, which is ridiculously heavy and tuneless death metal. Yes, fifty-two mock-pop songs or fifty-two candle-light ballads would have been funnier, but genius can only stretch so far, and what other genre then that pioneered by ‘Slayer’ and ‘Cradle Of Filth’ could so aptly host ‘Anal Cunt’. The reason why this single cd album can boast fifty-two individual tracks, is that each of the said tracks are less then a minute long, often only thirty seconds (or there about). It fitting accordance to the repetition of the track titles (pottery’s gay, windchimes are gay, technology gay, you’re gay), each track also sounds very similar indeed. The drums are wildly assaulted, the guitars are frantically (and randomly) thrashed, and the vocals quickly deteriorate into painful-sounding and highly incoherent screams. This lasts for around twenty seconds during ‘You Go To Art School’, and is instantly repeated during ‘You’re In A Coma’ (tracks 36 and 47 respectively).
… and this is where I stop being able to defend them. What should really offend us about Anal Cunt, is that their music is so ab
solutely terrible. I’ve tried, God knows I’ve tried, to extract and agree upon a single redeeming feature of their music. As with everything I listen to, I have tried time and time again to appreciate something good in what I hear. I could tell you that it’s an acquired taste, or that it’s a good example of the most extreme of extreme death metal/punk, but I would be lying on both counts. Fans of Pantera, Fear Factory, Soulfly or Tool are allowed to hear people call their music ‘nothing but a load of screaming and tuneless guitars’ and get annoyed at their ignorant, unfair assessment. Any fans of Anal Cunt would simply be denying the truth of the matter. All fifty-two tracks are as ugly as their titles.
So, finally, you’ve got to ask: what is the point? What, is, the, point. I honestly don’t know. After finding such promise in their daringly obvious name, album, artwork and song titles, I was left simply confused by their music. What’s the point.
Ok, I do know really – the point is this.
Even though ‘I Like It When You Die’ is one of the few albums in my collection I simply never wish to play (except to wow disbelieving guests), it still serves a purpose. It’s very existence is enough to justify its inclusion. I can think about the world, and how truly bad it and everyone in it is. I can consider the injustice, stupidity and naivety of man. I can ponder my dislike of myself, the transparency of my love for others, and the ultimate event of my, yours, our deaths. Then, as a tonic, I can remind myself that there is actually an album in existence that contains a song called ‘You Sell Cologne’. That, is the point. Anal Cunt is symbolic of the true irrelevance of mankind. How we react based on false senses of responsibility and decency, rather then our nature impulses and desires. How we’re all flucked, and how it doesn’t rea
lly matter. Anal Cunt mirror everything we deny, disguise and despise. What an achievement. I don’t suspect any of you will buy this album, but nevertheless I shall suggest that you do. It’s only as disgusting as you want it to be, and it’ll make you a better person. God bless Anal Cunt, whoever the hell they are. Um, I’m not happy with that ending at all, so I may update later on. Cheers.
Summary:
|
|
