Darkness falls across the land, but not all are happy... (Permission To Land - Darkness)

Member Name: shanecahill

Product:	Permission To Land - Darkness
Date:	11/03/04 (96 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Some good songs

Disadvantages: Some woeful songs

Sometimes, and by sometimes I mean roughly three to four times a week, the music media gather together and decide to dub a band “the future of rock”. Sometimes they’re right (The White Stripes), sometimes they’re wrong (The Thrills). However, did anyone expect glam-rock, yellow-toothed, English born guitar maestros The Darkness to be next? Not even Mystic Meg saw this one coming…

Most of us, and this includes me, are sick to the teeth of The Darkness’ “stage antics”. They’re not clever and they’re not funny (e.g. Justin’s feather from a chicken’s arse joke at the Brits). Yet, the biggest lesson you can learn about music industry is that it’s all about the music. Forget hype, forget image, forget sales… listen to the album and judge it. If you’re too lazy, sit back and I’ll do it for you!

Loud distorted guitar, and high-pitched vocals start the album on the track Black Shuck. Are you Zeppelin in disguise? Not on this track anyway, this is bland rock at its finest, and even has an element of Jimi Hendrix’s Fire about the backing vocals. There is nothing original about this; straightforward drums, mediocre guitar and the vocals are anything but exceptional. He just growls for about half the vocals, and my dog can do that. Plus he can howl just like Justin Hawkins. And strut around like he owns the place. And have his crotch just as clearly on show. Probably smells less too. Justin ends the track with a woof. Woof? More like rough mate.

Get Your Hands Off My Woman is a little more like it. Heavy bass that shakes the floor, and falsetto vocals that echoes hauntingly. At first listen you might not think much of it, but within two list
ens you’ll be strutting around in a pink shirt with your chest puffed out singing “Get Your Hands OFFA MY WAAAHHHMAN !” and doing Mick Jagger dance moves. If you’re too young to remember him, try Graham Norton’s walk, it’s all the same stuff. If you’re too young to remember Jagger, you might also want to turn down the stereo as Mammy and Daddy might object to the constant references to…. reproduction.

The next song is really GROWING ON ME! HAHAHAHAHA , you see that’s also the name of the song! See what I did there? The Darkness can really shine when they want to, and this song is definitely one of their best. Air guitars at the ready, as there are two funktastic solos which make you wish you had long hair to shake hysterically. Grab a pack of Soother’s, do a couple of scales, grab your balls and try sing along if you dare, but the vocals are so high not even dogs can hear it. Probably.

Well, you probably all know the next one. I Believe In A Thing Called Love was the song that really got them noticed and it’s not hard to see why. The clever intro was instantly catchy and commercially appealing, while still getting heavy rockers to make that stupid hand gesture with two fingers. The “rock on” one, the other two-fingered gesture was being saved for their sell-out antics later on. The lyrics are clever (“My heart’s in overdrive and you’re behind the steering wheel”) and the shout of “geeetarrrr!” has become a part of rock history. Yup this is genuine pop/rock and don’t it feel good?

Love Is Only A Feeling begins with laid bac
k drums before a wailing guitar riff. Strangely, there’s a hint of tenderness about this one. Where now are the cries of “Get your hands off my woman, I want to f**k her”? Instead we have beautiful vocals telling us “I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed”. Awww, you want to f**k her AND talk to her, isn’t that sweet folks? This is probably my favourite song on the album. It’s just a genuinely nice love song, about a failed relationship and a guy in denial. It’s rare to get this kind of emotion from a rock band, but if it’s as good as this, I’d like to see more.

Sadly that run of good songs had to come to an end at some stage. And end it does, with the spectacularly woeful Givin’ Up. Yes the chorus is catchy, but it has as much potential for re-listening as a condom does for re-wearing and with just as nasty consequences if you do. It tries to be original, but it’s too like a hundred different songs before, and nothing makes you think, “I must listen to that again”. It’s tiresome, and frankly I’m fed up talking about it. Let’s just act like this nasty little incident never happened.

Stuck In A Rut is even worse. What annoys me most about The Darkness is that it seems like if they think a song is weaker than their better ones, they just get Justin to scream really irritatingly. Also, the unnecessary addition of an evil laugh and cries of “Thank you master!” are unbelievably annoying. There’s a bit of potential in the solo, but the rest should have been left on the studio floor. Next please…

Friday Night is a song I have no real opinion on. I never flick past it, but I wouldn’t flick ahead to it either. It̵
7;s a mundane song about dancing on a Friday night that is enjoyable. But so what? A really good song needs more than this, and their usually intelligent solos falter in this song, as it’s simply the tune of the chorus.

The intro of Love On The Rocks With No Ice is so similar to The White Stripes it’s scary. There’s a definite echo of De Stijl, and the chorus has the sort of jokey feel to it as do many of The White Stripes’ songs, (“Love on the rocks, we’d do anything for a quiet life, love on the rocks with no ice”). Maybe could do with a little trimming at almost six minutes long, but we’ll allow a little self-indulgence. A blistering, if a little hackneyed solo leads us into the final minute. We’re eventually left sweaty and exhausted. Good stuff altogether.

The album ends with Holding My Own, another heavy guitar song. However the vocals are different and have a sorrowful quality which makes this song a laster. One of my favourites, even if it does sound a little like a Meatloaf song. Well a lot like a Meatloaf song actually. That may be why I like it!

So ends the most hyped album of the year. Is it good? In parts; in others I’d rather be gnawing off my own arm. What they need to do is stop acting like arseholes and spend more time refining their songs and we have a truly good rock band. Otherwise, I fear a truly terrifying second album.

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