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The Beer Necessities - Macc Lads

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Genre: Pop / Artist: Macc Lads / Audio CD released 2001-01-08 at Harry May

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      22.08.2007 14:56
      Very helpful



      Brilliant album, worth a listen just for the comedy of it.

      The Macc Lads… For anyone who hasn’t heard of them they are basically the rudest band to come out of Macclesfield, ever. In fact they claim to be the “rudest crudest lewdest drunkest band in Christendom”. Having met each other during a punk concert in Macclesfield (Macc) in 1977 when they were in different bands they soon formed the Macc Lads and begun recording songs. Using a student load they got in Jul 85 they recorded their second album (first on LP) “Beer & Sex & Chips n Gravy”. In May 88 they get their first song in the charts (or as they put it the real one with George Michael in) and one more in 89.

      Their style is a combination between punk and hard rock, with a lot of swearing and songs about beer, sex, chips 'n' gravy, and to a lesser extent football, fighting, and bodily functions. They ended up playing 500 gigs, but there were also about 350 gigs that were cancelled due to mainly the local council, police or just general protests from locals, churches, minority groups etc.

      Due to the fact there is a general category for the Macc Lads I’ll end there and shortly add a more detailed review in that category. However the main point of this review is to talk about the album The Beer Necessities.

      1. Alcohol – Unsurprisingly this song is about Alcohol and the Lads attempts to get some on a night out. The pub service is incredibly slow and the Lads are getting quite upset:
      “Been queuing up since half past seven, (we was underage when we come in here)”.
      This is a great song to start the album and is a brilliant example of the Lads desire to get pissed. It’s sung at quite a pace too illustrating even more their thirst and desperation for a pint of Boddies (Boddingtons).

      2. Germans – This is a song about a generic foreign holiday somewhere in Europe where there a lots of foreigners, in this case Germans. Half the song is about slating the state of the locations and the fact that the food usually gives makes you ill for the whole time you are there. The rest of the song is about Germans and is probably the most non-PC song you are ever likely to hear. One of the most tamest lines from the song is
      “Oi! Adolf! Stop pushing in the queue, Try pushing into Poland and we’ll beat you black and blue”
      A great song provided you’re not offended by any of the lyrics.

      3. Fallatio Nell Son – Erm, not really sure how to explain this one. It’s basically about a girl who has quite a talent, which most of the men in Macclesfield have witnessed first hand. I would put a line down for example but there’s not actually a single line that I can. It is a very derogatory song towards Nell who apparently ran the local cheese shop.

      4. Desperate Dan – I think this song contains the first mention of the C word... But this song is hilarious as it is purely about one man’s attempts to make his way from the door to bed. However he’s been out and had 28 pints so it’s not a very easy or pleasant journey. Also at the end he realises he’s in the wrong house. This is not the only song from the Lads about Dan who often seems to end up having problems with his bodily functions.

      5. Grease Stop – This song is about how the lads like to stop off for a fry-up on their way home from gigs, they used to have contests about how much they could eat or get on eat other. Not a great song but quite short like most Macc Lads songs so even if you don’t like it there’s not long to wait until the next one.

      6. Apprentice Dentist – A story about how one of the lads was doing community service at the local dentist surgery, when a woman walked in desperate for a dentist. Using their clever ingenuity (and a large dose of anaesthetic) the Lad managed to convince her he was a dentist and proceeded to do some drilling in the double entendre sense of course.
      “Looks like you need a filling, I'll have to do some drilling”

      7. Man In The Boat – The title of this song is a double-entendre in itself. It’s about the difficulties one of the Lads (and some men in general) have locating a certain part of a female.
      “She turned over to watch Eastenders
      There must be a diagram someone could lend us” &
      ”Trust a bloody woman to have such a contraption”

      8. Newcy Brown – This song is about one of the Lads who’s been dumped as his girl has run off with a sugar daddy. The idea of the song is that drinking Newcy Brown (Newcastle Brown Ale, not Newquay brown which is apparently disgusting) will make him feel better and besides “There's loads more insects on the dog”. This is a nice change from many of the usual lovey American songs where the man is made to seem like his world is coming to an end.

      9. Macavity – A song about one of the lads who is harder than nails, “When he's necked his pint, he'll eat the glass”. The song is basically about him and the extremes of pain that he seems to enjoy and revel in. It’s again quite a good song like the whole album is, I’ve listened to it so many times that there isn’t really a song I don’t like. Some of them are stranger than others, many just contain random swearing for no apparent reason other than to rhyme with the line before or after.

      10. Chester Zoo – Full of lots of quick lines, this is a fun song but again undeniably in the Macc Lads style. It’s about going to the Zoo and all the nasty things that the animals do whilst they are there. The way they sing it is very jolly and if you sing along to it you really don’t think what you are singing. I often find myself humming the tunes at work then occasionally sing it quietly and realise that I probably shouldn’t be singing it in the office.

      11. Naughty Boy – A very quick paced song about the naughtiest boy in the world, and the antics he gets up to such as, “there's a rope across the stairs, you go crashing down two floors, he runs laughing out the door”. This song is ok but a rather weak song compared to others on the album.

      12. Mr Methane – I really didn’t like this song to start with, the story is about one of the Lads who’s not been feeling himself for a week or so, “I only drank ten pints last night (its practically nowt)”. So he phones up Mr Methane who is the other famous person from Macclesfield, his cure for problems is a long loud fart. There is too much farting in this song and although the point of the song is the healing properties of his farts it doesn’t add anything to the song. Other than that it’s a good song and I have since come round to liking it. Partly due to the fact I’ve listened to the album on the way to and from work for about the last week and a half. It’s funny how apparently Maggie Thatcher and other important people are on the phone but even the secretary agrees that his problems are more important.

      13. More Tea Vicar – Very funny song but loses it towards the end when the vicar talks but he is drowned out by the music. The premise of the song is that his girlfriend’s parents have gone away for 2 weeks, and so he nips round for some time alone. However her parents come back and although they don’t catch them the vicar soon catches on to what they’ve been up to and he’s not best pleased.

      14. Two Stroke Eddie – A song about Eddie who is a biker with a good reputation but one that’s not true. The song is entirely sung by a female member of the band and is sung from the woman’s perspective. It’s quite a funny song and although the girl is of questionable morals the song definitely gets some revenge on the Lads, similarly to Fluffy Pup on Twenty Golden Crates.

      15. Animal Testing – This is a song that we can all relate to, in some way. It’s about one of the Lads being busy with something at home but he keeps getting interrupted by the doorbell ringing. It’s often regarding an animal charity but also religious groups and MP’s. The name of the song is due to the fact that he is a fan of animal testing and he believes “Beagles should be forced to smoke”. As with most of their songs their views are not to most people’s liking but they are funny.

      16. Don't Fear The Sweeper – Another song that many people can relate to, to some extent. It’s a football match, probably a cup game, on a Tuesday night, the weather is terrible and the team are playing terribly. The fans are getting annoyed and are ready to go home, but still get a few chants in. Again, it’s very funny and a song that I really like.

      17. Poodles – Another funny song to end with and this is about one of the ‘Fatties’ of the band who went out for a drive (would guess this probably isn’t true, but never know), and ran over 2 poodles. He thought no-one was looking so he put one out of it’s misery but didn’t notice the other which the police later found in the radiator grill of his car. Sang in a very light hearted, jolly way, but with the obvious morbid overtones.

      All in all it is a very funny, very cheeky album and if you aren’t easily offended you will probably find it funny too. It’s not widely available but available for about £7 on Amazon. It’s not really worth that so if you can find it cheaper then give it a try, you can always stick it on Amazon after. I’ve had it for a few years now and still listen to it regularly as it’s a nice change from the usual.


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    • Product Details

      Disc #1 Tracklisting
      1 Alcohol
      2 Germans
      3 Fellatio Nelson
      4 Desperate Dan
      5 Grease Stop
      6 Apprentice Dentist
      7 Man In The Boat
      8 Newcy Brown
      9 Macavity
      10 Chester Zoo
      11 Naughty Boy
      12 Mr Methane
      13 More Tea Vicar
      14 Two Stroke Eddie
      15 Animal Testing
      16 Don't Fear The Sweeper
      17 Poodles

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