Take the music back (Eurovision Song Contest)

Member Name: pert_abacus

Product:	Eurovision Song Contest
Date:	15/09/09 (78 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: World Domination for Monkey Peter

Disadvantages: see advantages

The Eurovison Song Contest was originally designed to build bridges between European nations based on the shared love of music.....

These days it's a political battle where European nations, Israel, anyone who asks to join in and Andrew Lloyd Webber tactically vote to ensure that the music isn't considered but neighbouring countries all vote for each other and against any nation that has just looked at them funny.

The winning country then pretends to look happy that they've won, all the while calculating whether or not they can afford to spend millions upon millions of pounds to stage the final the following year.

In the past the UK has put forward such musical legends such as Cliff, Bucks Fizz, Gina Gee and Barry the Musical Pig to take part in this elistist contest but now, like so much else in this once great nation we invite anyone who can hold a mike to be put before the public vote. The winner gets to have their legs waxed by Graham Norton and then sing a song composed by a man with a face made of rubber in front of an audience that largely don't speak the language only to be voted against because of our recent exploits in Iraq / Afghanistan / Solihul.

Terry Wogan used to host the show and leant the proceedings a certain degree of wit and cynicism against a backdrop of garish costumes and high camp pomp but now the tv show has become 100% camp in the sticky mits of Norton.

I think it's time we stopped the slide into viewer voted campness and put forward one of our true musical greats to win back the competition, sing an original song free of 'boom bang a bangs', take the stage in normal clothes rather than sequins, play an instrument rather than merely sing and perform rather than follow a stage managed dance routine involving baby oil and penguins.

Why on earth do we as a great musical nation, a nation whose music dominates the charts across Europe decide to copy our European neighbours when entering this competetion?

It's time to say nay to the phone votes, nay to the meaningless pop tunes and nay to Graham 'oo-er missus' Norton.

This year lets take the music back and inject some true British grit into proceedings!

Ladies and gentlemen, write to your MP, telephone the pope, picket the BBC and speak in one voice and tell them, tell the faceless suits who deem it neccessary to squeeze every last penny out of old women with tvs and telephones, tel them that we want a true star to lead us into Eurovision, to blow away the opposition with a band that can sing, a band that can play, a band that doesn't give a flying **** about dance routines, tell the, tell them now that we want Monkey Peter and Vinegar Jenny to represent us with 'Don't You ****** Look at Me You ***** (reprise)'.

You know it makes sense!

Summary: Thank you for the music