Ibiza Uncovered (Ibiza)

Member Name: jeff2000

Product:	Ibiza
Date:	18/09/01 (2020 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Best clubs in the world, Lovely island, Great weather

Disadvantages: The west end, littering

Most people in Britain will have heard of the Spanish island of Ibiza. It is part of the Balearics and is situated in the Mediterranean, around 2 1/2 hours flight from Britain. As soon as Ibiza is mentioned it conjures up images of drunken British yobs, drugged up clubbers and constant partying, and although all of these things do exist on this beautiful island I would say that it is not as full on as TV programmes such as 'Ibiza Uncovered' make it out to be. Much of the island plays host to many a family holiday, and in some of the remote areas you can observe traditional Spanish life that has remained unchanged for decades. But anyway that's enough about that, here I've tried to give you a broad guide to the white isle, I've not put everything in, but I'm sure you'll agree that if I went on any longer then you may well never read any of my ops again. So, here's the real Clubbers Guide to Ibiza...

WARNING
Before you proceed you may want to know that this op is quite massive, as you may have noticed from the toolbar, and you will probably be quite, no, very bored in under 20 seconds, if you think this may be the case then please leave now, once you've rated it VU, obviously. Come on, it took me ages. Now concentrate.

The Ibizan nightlife is centred in four different locations on the island, San Antonio, Ibiza Town, Playa d'En Bossa and San Rafael. Each houses a different kind of nightlife and the clubs are spread between them. San Antonio is situated to the North of the island, Ibiza Town and Playa d'en Bossa to the South, and San Rafael slap bang in the middle.

SAN ANTONIO: There are 3 different areas to San Antonio, the sunset strip, the West End and the alternative sunset strip.

This town is probably the best known of the Ibizan towns to the British, and probably has the worst reputation. This is largely down to the part of town referred to as the West End, here the Brits abroad
come to get drunk and dance to cheese in their football shirts. Every building in this district is either a bar, a club, or a food outlet. Every night it's streets are filled with people flyering for the surrounding bars. They will use any means necessary to get you into their bars, and once they've got you talking you're done for. The upside to these flyerers is with their flyers you will receive a free shot with your first drink, or maybe even more, one bar offers a free BOTTLE of schnapps with your first drink, so if you only have one drink in each bar you will soon be feeling rather merry without damaging your pockets too much. If you're single then you are nearly guaranteed to pull in the West End, and even if you don't you'll be too drunk to remember anyway. The downside to all this merriment is the rubbish. At the end of the night the streets are filled with unwanted flyers, food wrapping and empty bottles, it's quite a depressing scene. This part of town is not for the die-hard clubbers, but if you're after a cheap drink, crap music and maybe some bedroom action, then this is the place to come. But don't forget your football shirt/Ben Sherman (primary colours only please)/rockport shoes/skirt as short as a belt/10 tonnes of hair gel*
*Please delete as appropriate**
**I'm only joking, I'm sorry if I offend, please don't rate me NU, please, please...

Right, now I'm back off my knees I'll continue. The sunset strip is where people come to, well you know, watch the sunset. It is made up of Cafe Del Mar, Cafe Mambo, Savannah, Sugar Sea and further up the coast Coastline and Kanya. When the sun sets large crowds gather on the beach (read rocks) in front of the bars and cheer as the sun dips below the horizon. I would recommend this to everyone who visits Ibiza as it is quite an experience to have everyone gathered to watch the turn of day to night.
A money saving hint here (for all you st
udents), buy some bottles of drink from the surrounding shops so you don't have to pay the rather high bar prices, or queue, as it gets rather busy at this time, and as you'll be sitting on the beach you shouldn't feel too scabby, but remember to take your rubbish with you!
All of the bars pump out a chill out soundtrack for this memorable occasion, perhaps the most famous being Cafe Del Mar, which has inspired many a great trance record. Once the sun has gone the crowd retreats for an hour or 2 to prepare themselves for the evening ahead. Whilst they are gone the bars up the tempo, many of them playing host to the clubs pre-parties. Here you will here the top name DJ's for nowt, as they try to tempt the crowds to their nights. Roger Sanchez, Erick Morillo, Darren Emerson, and even Dave Pearce (if you're lucky) can all be found on the wheels of steel along this row of bars.
The drinks along here can be expensive, anything up to £4 a drink, but if you want the class then you're going to have to pay.

The alternative sunset strip is situated just down from San An town, round towards the bay, and consists of Bar M, Itaca and Bay Bar. They are referred to as the alternative sunset strip because you can come here and see the sun set across the bay, behind all the boats and the main part of San An. These bars also host some great pre parties, especially the pre party for Manumission at Bar M, who even lay on entertainers such as fire-eaters and jugglers to keep you amused as you sip your San Miguel. These bars are a bit cheaper than the original sunset strip and also very close to Es Paradis and Eden, so they are usually rather jammed. Another bar to look out for in this set is Kiwi bar, although it's not very well known it serves great food at very low cost, the drinks are cheap and the music is usually rather good. The flyerers for it are also the friendliest people you are likely to meet, so all in all a great starting point
for your clubbing shenanigans. Also look out for the fantastic sand sculptures here, they are truly amazing.

There are 2 major clubs located in San An; Eden and Es Paradis. Eden is a relatively new club to the island and plays host to such quality as Judgement Sundays (Judge Jules presides over the hard house massive), Euphoria (Dave Pearce is crowned the king of cheese and stupid sayings) and Retro (for those that can remember back in the day). They also have foam parties and disco nights for those not quite so serious among us. I didn't go to this club so I can't really comment on it, though it's meant to be ok, but not really in the same league as the others. Es Paradis is right next to Eden and looks out across the bay. It is built in a pyramid shape and has a retractable roof, so yes, the DJ really can take the roof off. It is famous or their water parties, where at 5 in the morning they flood the dance floor and turn on the foam. So don't forget your umbrella.

IBIZA TOWN: Ibiza town is situated on the opposite side of the island to San An and is a lot more up market. It actually feels like a Spanish city, rather than a hot Britain, and makes you feel like you are on holiday when you visit. The crowd is also a lot more cosmopolitan, with beautiful people from all over the world coming to rub shoulders with the rich and famous, for it is here where any one who's any one will dock their luxury yacht to party the night away in Base bar, or the most stylish club in the world, Pacha. The only thing ruining this posh picture is the dreadful smell of sewage that engulfs the town; they really ought to sort that out.
During the day Ibiza town is a bustling town filled with Spanish shops and businesses and if you venture onto the harbour front then you can watch the yachts as they make out to sea. But at night this picture is completely changed, for if you to travel up to the old town (just before the castle, off the harbour fro
nt), then you'll be greeted by the parade, this is made up of drag queens and general 'eccentrics', shall we say. They make their way around the trendy bars, entertaining all the way. Their route usually includes; rock bar, base bar, café Macao and zuka. These bars are a far cry from their counterparts in San An, these being all minimalist décor, European clientele and £4 drinks. Apparently they are the best places to blag free club passes, especially in the gay district, up the Avinguda d'Virgin (yes the street of virgins, how ironic, ha ha), but we never got round to trying. Ibiza town also houses all manner of shops to pick up clubbing mementos of your night out. Yes here you can find; Pacha shop, El Divino shop and the Ministry's club zone. They all sell tickets for the night ahead, at discount prices, and you'll also be able to pick up stickers, flyers, posters and even records, so if you just can't wait til you get home before buying that big tune, then here's where to go. Though you'll get it back to your hotel and realise you may as well have waited til you get home as you have not got a record player and it'll probably get broken on the flight home, ah. Anyway, once you've recovered from the record trauma then you may want to go clubbing...

Ibiza town holds 2 of the islands main clubs; Pacha and El Divinio. They are both situated about 15 minutes walk around the harbour from the main town, so you may want to get a taxi (they're only about £2 and you'll get the authentic grand prix experience to get your blood pumping for the night ahead. Pacha was the first club to be built on Ibiza and is probably the most stylish in the world. It has a capacity of 5,000, spread amongst 3 rooms and a terrace. It has the largest VIP area of all the clubs and you'll often see such famous faces as George Michael, Kylie, JK and many other celebs off their tits, if you're in any fit state to see that far that
is. Pacha attracts a very glammed up European crowd, so there may be a bit of a language barrier when you want to chat up that honey at the bar, but don't let that stop you, I've heard that I you just shout at them and use hand gestures you'll soon be in there. But remember to make sure they're a girl as Pacha is a favourite hangout for the drag queens, you have been warned. Most of the time the Pacha music policy is funky house, with promoters such as Ministry of Sound, Subliminal and Made in Italy. But on Tuesdays you better get your trance trousers on for Perfecto with the monkey, I mean man, himself, Mr Paul Oakenfold. I would say a visit to Pacha is a must as its style is truly magnificent, so leave your football shirt at home, boys.
El Divinio looks out across the marina and can be seen clearly from the town on the other side. The crowd here is also quite cosmopolitan, but maybe not quite as glam as those at Pacha. Every night is a funky night with parties including Miss Moneypenny's and Ali G, I mean Roger Sanchez. I didn't attend this club either but I've been told it's very nice indeed, so get yourself down there.

PLAYA D'EN BOSSA: This resort is situated just down from Ibiza town, about ½ hours walk from centre to centre. The hotels in this area are filled with a mix of Germans, Britains and Americans and it is generally a lot quieter than the two resorts I've previously mentioned, very suitable for family holidays, especially because the longest beach on the island is here, mmm, warm sea and sand. There are a few bars dotted around, but nothing really to get excited about til you reach the Jet apartments very own Bora Bora bar. In high season the party never stops here, with people chilling on the beach during the day and dancing on the terrace at night, there will usually be something to look at as Space is just round the corner and Bora Bora is where people go to chill after their 24 hour (or longer
) sessions. The music is quite mixed with resident DJ Gee playing for 14 hours or more, taking you through the whole spectrum of house music; it's a spiritual thing, a body thing. The only down things about this bar is that it gets very crowded and the drinks are quite dear, so be prepared.
There are two clubs in Playa d'en Bossa (well 3, but don't go to Kiss if you have ant dignity), Space and Konga. Konga is one of the few clubs that is open all year round, and, like Space is a day club (yes I said day), it is apparently very dark and dirty and plays hard house, not quite my cup of tea but it certainly pleases the locals. Space has been voted the best club in the world and consists of two areas, the outside terrace and the inside bunker. It opens at around 8 (in the morning) and is soon jumping, if you want to get in on a Sunday (it's most popular day) you better be there by 10, or it's dancing in the car park for you. They host after parties for Ministry and Manumission and We Love Sundays at Space is the stuff of legends. The music is usually funky on the terrace and progressive indoors and all the top jocks play here (Sasha, Digweed, Carl Cox etc..). I didn't get to go as we arrived and departed on a Sunday, but I can't wait til next year to cheer the planes in (the airport is rather close and as the planes come in to land they are rather low over the club wahey!). Oh yes, another thing, the water park is just behind it if you fancy cooling off. Or you could run across the road and jump in the sea, whichever you prefer.

SAN RAFAEL: There are only two things worth going to San Rafael for Privilege and Amnesia. They are situated on the main road from Ibiza town to San An, right in the middle of the island.
Privilege is the worlds biggest club, with a 10,000 capacity and the main room has to be seen to be believed. It has two levels, 3 rooms, 2 terraces and a swimming pool. Manumission is probably it's most famous n
ight, but it also hosts Renaissance and Xtravaganza to name but 2. The atmosphere in this club is amazing, just because of it's sheer size, but be warned if it's raining outside take some wellies as the roof leaks and the dance floor will probably flood, but at least you won't be too hot. I wouldn't recommend going for a dip in the pool either, it looks rather dirty.
Amnesia is placed across the road from Privilege and is famous for it's smoke cannon, it can fill the main room with smoke in 5 seconds. But beware, don't stand underneath it or you'll need a change of pants, it's so loud it blocks out the music, shit yourself? I think so. It has two rooms, the main room and the terrace, though the terrace has a roof, so it's not really a terrace, is it? Well, it's got trees and other green stuff in it so I suppose it is open to discussion, not that I really care. Amnesia is home to Cream as well as Cocoon, Godskitchen and Dance Valley. They all offer a relatively trancey palette, mixed in with a sprinkling of the harder stuff. The terrace is a strictly house area, so leave your glow sticks in the main room cyber fool. Amnesia is another club who don't prepare for rain, though I suppose the trees do need watering some how.

Right, I've finally finished my tour of Ibiza clubs, only missing out DC10, which is right by the airport and is another day club for those who just can't stop. Monday is it's best day with Smokin Jo doing the honours, expect more messiness than a rhino with a dodgy stomach.

Right, I really have finished now so you're nearly to the end, I'm rather surprised you've made it this far, all there is left for me to do now is include my helpful hints*
*Warning: these hints may not be helpful

1.Buy your club tickets in advance. You'll often get at least 1,000 pts (£4) off and at Pacha you'll get a free drink as well. All the pre club bars sell them b
ut the prices can vary so shop about.
2.Drink local drinks. All bottles (Metz etc..) are very expensive wherever you buy them, especially in the clubs, so stick to San Miguel or spirits.
3.Drink spirits if you are poor. Spanish measures are VERY generous, at least 4 times British measures, so although they may seem very expensive they aren't really.
4.Drink before you go out. A 1l bottle of local sprits can cost less than £4. Bargain.
5.Stay in San Antonio. It is not as full on as everyone makes out, it's a lot cheaper than the other resorts and the nightlife is a lot better.
6.Get on the bus. The disco bus runs all night from San An to Ibiza town and only costs 250 pts (£1), it stops at all the big clubs and has a very regular service, it's far cheaper than taxis and you even get some Spanish music. Great.
7.Eivissa is Spanish for Ibiza. Remember this when trying to catch the bus.
8.I don't condone drug taking (much) but ask the flyer people if that's your thing. Don't forget, it's Ibiza, they're everywhere.
9.Go to the official pre club bars. You'll see the top turntable wizards for nowt.
10.Go to Kiwi bar. It's very underrated and the salads are excellent.
11.Go to the West End. If you can stand the crappy music and foolish people then you can get drunk very cheaply. Actually, don't go, it's not worth it.
12.Watch the thunderstorms round San An bay. They are really amazing, but remember they'll move inland so get in a bar that doesn't leak, most of them do, or soon you'll be wetter than a fish in a car wash.
12.Don't litter. Please.
13.Have the best time and if you can't remember it when you get home then you know you'll be going back.

Thanks for reading all of this, I don't think I'll ever write another opinion this long, what's that you said? Good? Well, if that's how your going to be I'm off.

Summary: