Home Of The Rich, The Famous - And The Dirty (Monte Carlo)

Name: plipplop

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Product:	Monte Carlo
Date:	03/01/06 (188 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Opulent location, full of designer boutiques and swanky restaurants

Disadvantages: Very expensive and has limited appeal

In terms of my list of places to see in the world, Monte Carlo never figured very high up. Despite being a dreadful snob and label queen, opulent, extravagant locations have never really appealed to me. That aside, when the offer came in to be whisked away for a five-star weekend, it would have been rude to refuse, don’t you think?

A Little Introduction

Tucked down the bottom of the Mediterranean lies the principality of Monaco. Despite being absolutely tiny, the place has its own government and is a recognised sovereign state. It’s famous for being a tax haven, home to the Grand Prix and the sort of place you live when you’re a multi-millionaire. Not surprisingly, homes in Monte Carlo are phenomenally expensive and the place has a real feel of extravagance. As a weekend destination, Monte Carlo is perfect because a) it isn’t very big and b) it’s all rather superficial. As such, after two or three days of the place, most visitors would probably have enough.

Monte Carlo is quite a hilly place. Nestled underneath the mountains, the streets decline steeply down towards the coast and from the air, the coast or the approach roads, the skyline is dominated by large tower blocks of apartments and hotels. The weather is warm nearly all year round and at certain times of the year, it’s very hot. I visited the place during the month of October and whilst it was cold and wet here, in Monte Carlo, it was warm enough for shorts and T-shirts.

Getting There.

Monte Carlo is very accessible from the UK, due in part to the fact that Easyjet now flies to Nice, which is a short rail / coach ride from Monte Carlo. I flew via British Airways, with a flight time of around an hour and then jumped onto a coach for a scenic drive down to Monte Carlo. The coast roads between the two locations are a relative celebrity-fest, with beach houses and villas everywhere to be seen owned by the rich and famous, including Tina Turner and Bono. If your tour guide knows the place way, you can “ooh” and “aah” all the way to your hotel as you marvel at one spectacular residence after another. We stopped off along the way in a small harbourside village, where we had some lunch and took in the warm sun but the journey certainly wouldn’t necessitate this. You can also connect to Monte Carlo via helicopter, with regular flights to and from each location.

Staying in Monte Carlo

Monte Carlo is dominated by wealth and when you arrive in the city, particularly if a tour guide is wittering at you, the whole thing is rammed down your throat. Our coach decided to drive round the circuit of the Grand Prix, which was actually quite a good way to get around the city and see some of the notable landmarks. The city is very built up and although there are older parts, Monte Carlo is not an ideal destination for tourists who enjoy historical monuments. The designer boutiques and shops are hard to avoid, as are the bars and cafes, filled with the rich and beautiful taking in the warm weather and smug feeling of the place. The harbour has to be seen to be believed with one enormous yacht after another and it was a sobering thought to know that even if you won the lottery, you wouldn’t be able to afford one of those things!

The city is quite suitable for pedestrians with good access from one side to the other, in spite of the traffic hurtling around the place. There is a network of lifts and escalators to take you up and down some of the steeper / larger hills and in spite of the geography, the place is actually quite well placed for guests in wheelchairs. Dotted around the city, particularly in some of the smaller districts, you’ll find small parks, where the local kids play around and there’s a feeling of calm away from some of the bustle. There are plenty of shops, particularly of the designer variety but there are also supermarkets and department stores if you just need to grab a few bits and bobs.

The hotel I was staying in was located in the West of the city, very close to the heliport and was therefore not as close to some of the attractions as many guests would like. The streets and routes are well sign-posted, however, and tourist maps make it easy to get around. Eating / drinking out is not a problem with an abundance of different places catering for all tastes. Even the cheaper places can be quite expensive though and it’s worth remembering that nothing in Monte Carlo comes cheaply!

The native language is French and you will find that shopkeepers and bar owners will appreciate and respect any attempt that you make to speak French. My French is rusty, at best, but I still managed to secure a 25% discount in the Diesel shop because I’d “made an effort”. I thought that the people were very friendly in general, particularly in some of the smaller cafes where you didn’t feel quite so lost. Although the streets were clean of litter, dog mess was a real problem as far as I could tell, partly because all the rich older ladies have miniature mutts and clearly have no intention of clearing up after themselves. That aside, at night the city felt friendly, vibrant and safe and we never felt uncomfortable wandering around on our own.

Taxis and buses around the city are frequent, regular and surprisingly cheap. We used taxis to and from our hotel of an evening and although they were always large, comfortable Mercedes, the prices were comparable with major UK cities. Leaving tips / service charges seemed to be the done thing in Monte Carlo and we tended to verge on the generous side because service was good.

There are plenty of hotels in Monte Carlo but few for the budget-conscious. We stayed in a fairly new five-star hotel called the Columbus that was very well fitted. Expect to pay anything from £100 to £400 per night as standard, although discount breaks can be found online. As a budget for food and drink, I would allow a further £50 per person, per day to be safe.

Things to Do

Monte Carlo is the sort of place to come if you just want to wander round the city and it doesn’t boast of wealth of attractions on top of this. There are, of course, still things to do though and we certainly had a pretty busy weekend.

We took a helicopter ride around the bay (costing about £150 per person). Although the flight is short, it’s still a spectacular way to see the city, particularly from the top of the mountains looking down. It was a wonderfully sunny day when we took our trip and it was quite a memorable experience. Similarly, a speedboat ride around the bay (£50 per person) was great fun, particularly as our skipper went as fast as we asked, giving us all a bit of a white knuckle ride in the end.

The Cathedral of St Nicholas was built in the 1800s and (if I recall correctly) is free to enter and a welcome respite from the heat. The old town is also very picturesque with plenty of tiny shops crammed around lots of huddled, cobbled streets, albeit in a rather tourist-trap kind of way.

I was actually very disappointed with the casino. Although the building was breathtaking in dimension and finish, the actual casino feels rather like a church fete, stuck in the middle of an over-sized building. You’ll need your passports to get in, but unless you’re real gambling freaks, I probably wouldn’t bother.

The Hotel De Paris is one of the most famous hotels / restaurants and the food is very good indeed (if not over-priced to the man on the street.) The ambience is very continental and the sense of occasion alone is sufficient to justify an evening meal in there.

The Exotic Gardens are a good place for a stroll in the afternoon but I was assured that the zoo wasn’t very nice and avoided it like the plague.

The Experience

At the end of each day, I was relaxed and greatly entertained by Monte Carlo, but I think its appeal is quite limited. Undeniably wealthy, it wasn’t as fantastical as I had expected and I soon ran out of things to explore. It’s a perfect place to go shopping and it’s pretty enough, but even the shops really only stocked the sort of thing that you’d find in London.

I enjoyed my Monte Carlo experience, but I wouldn’t be craning my neck to go back again. For the average budget, it simply isn’t worth it.

Summary: A perfect extravangant city break but not somewhere you'd rush to go back to.