"Chef Torte... the cake is MOVING." (Super Mario RPG (N64))

Member Name: CaffienatedYak

Product:	Super Mario RPG (N64)
Date:	17/08/03 (525 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Cute, charming, simple fun, Amusing characters., Excellent graphics.

Disadvantages: A little too short, Valentina's scary, wiggling bosoms

Every young?un and old fart knows, by now, who Mario is, unless they?ve been living under a friggin rock while the rest of civilization milled about them. In this day and age, Mario is something of an icon. An unlikely hero at the time he burst onto the scene - an overweight, mustachioed plumber in red coveralls and his thinner, taller brother that no one remembers (Luigi), both jumping on horny turtles named after dogs, little evil-looking mushroom thingies, and fire-breathing houseplants on vines, all to rescue the kidnapped princess who?s in another goddamn castle.

Mario?s seen many games and many consoles throughout his long, continuing career - tennis, go-kart racing, Tetris-does-Shigeru-Miyamoto (the creator of the series, as well as other popular series - i.e. Zelda) and, in a memorable, fun move, an RPG. Teaming up with RPG giant Squaresoft (responsible for the uber-popular Final Fantasy series, and the technobabble travesty that was Xenogears), the folk over at Nintendo set out to create what would become a legend in its own right for the Super Nintendo.

With graphics that stretched the system?s limits dangerously, a simple, yet fun story, colorful cast of characters, and likeable innocence, it?s no surprise that this game turned out to be as successful as it was (and, despite my older brother?s claims of it ?looking stupid? and such, I talked him into renting it anyway. He loved it. Just goes to show ya)

Tell, don?t show: Simple, if not slightly expected? in a way. One fine day, Princess Toadstool was over at Mario?s house for a visit. As she sat in the garden in front of his house, playing with the flowers and butterflies, our favorite horny turtle - Bowser, the king of the turtle-esque Koopas - flew down in his famed clown-copter/hovercraft and, well, kidnapped her. After hearing Toadstool?s cries for help, our hero - for the slow people out there, that would be Mario - rushed off to save her. Like I said, simple.


However, the rescue mission doesn?t? exactly go as planned. After a fierce battle in Bowser?s Keep, in which the Koopa King plummeted to his doom on a chandelier, Mario?s all set to untie Toadstool and take her back home. But he didn?t count on the sudden rumbling that ripped through the castle, nor did he (or anyone else) expect a great sword to plunge from the heavens and ram itself (ew) into the roof of Bowser?s Keep, causing all three occupants to go flying off in different directions.

And then there were those mysterious stars that scattered from the sky as well?

As you can probably guess from the subtitle - Legend of the Seven Stars - those particular stars play a large role in the storyline. Comprising the famed Star Road, these scattered balls of gas help greatly in granting wishes - that is to say, until they?re all found again and the Star Road is repaired, no one?s wishes will be granted!

As well as that, as you?d expect, several amusing subplots are molded into the storyline, each contributing a great deal to advance the plot - Mario and his friends face the perils of a labyrinthine forest, rescuing the princess from her impeding marriage to a man whose face looks like a totem pole, finding out what?s going on in a seaside village full of anxious, creepy occupants, and helping one of the party members rescue his parents - King and Queen Nimbus of a kingdom in the sky - from a tyrannical, margarita-swilling bird named Valentina and her ?husband-to-be?, Dodo the? well, dodo.

What?s Mario to do with all this resting on his shoulders?

Party of Five: Three familiar faces and two new ones are setting off to save the word and everyone?s wishes - as you might expect, they?re lead by?

Mario, the Silent Protagonist. Don?t bother, he ain?t talking any. He does, however, like acting out scenes to tell what in the hell happened, resulting in several amusing spots where he drags others into the fray to help h
im. (Particularly when he plays the sword crashing into Bowser?s Keep).

Mallow was raised at Tadpole Pond as a, well? tadpole. How the hell he managed to delude himself all that time is beyond me - he looks like a giant, overemotional marshmallow wearing pants. Mallow must be pretty fucking stupid. I still like him, though. Living with his adopted grandpa - Frogfucius - he?s prone to causing rainstorms when he cries? which is often. Also, all the people from his homeland look like giant walking marshmallows that O.D?d on Prozac.

Geno - A celestial being from the Star Road, no one knows what his true form resembles - the closest they can guess is a star - as Geno inhabits a doll the entire game. Calm and collected, this guy?s on a mission to restore the Star Road to its former glory. It doesn?t hurt that he has an extremely powerful array of spells on hand to aid in this.

Putting hard feelings aside - at least, for the time being - Bowser?s in a full-out indignant rage over losing his castle to some gigantic sword and agrees to aid Mario in his quest, if only to get the castle back. Maybe the others will be able to keep him in line?

Princess Toadstool, for once, decides to fight back? but, as you guessed, against the enemy everyone else is fighting against, not Bowser. (Go figure, she still wants to do the whole ?kidnap-me-so-I-get-paid? thing.) Stern and sweet, maybe she can slap some sense into our antagonists?

Look, don?t touch: Pushing the graphical limits of the SNES, Super Mario RPG is said to be one of the best-looking games to grace the system? even outdoing the Donkey Kong Country series, with its stunning 3-D environment (or what we deemed 3-D back then) and bright, vivid colors - every last inch of the background teems with life and hard work? from the autumnal forest of Bean Valley to the creepy, half-submerged bowels of a sunken pirate ship to a 3-D block maze, the effort put forth is outstanding.
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br>The character designs can?t be faulted either - short and squat (in most cases), each is exquisitely detailed - whether it?s Bowser?s eyes bulging and tearing whenever he?s been thwarted, Peach scowling and shaking her finger when scolding an unfortunate, or the most amusing (and scary) one - Valentina?s oversized breasts wiggling in fury when she?s hit or fed-up in battle (yes, they wiggle. I had nightmares) - it?s hard to find much wrong here.

Monsters are also animated well, ranging from a snoozing yellow worm wearing a green, flowered bowler to a giant, sentient wedding cake (yes, you read right) whose candles flicker on and off from time to time, and a quintet of Power-Rangers-gone-bad (these, though, look? well, they just look really bizarre. They have tubing for mouths, it seems). Spell effects are quite cute - a blinking snowman who bursts and vanishes when he?s done, transparent crystals crashing onto the heads of the heroes, and walls of fire sweep across the screen.

Like I said before, the graphics designers worked their butts off here, and it shows through, complete with a nice little ?¾ overhead view,? as some gaming magazines have called it (almost like a bird?s-eye view, just at an angle). God knows why they decided to become so freaking sadistic with camera angles when Super Mario 64 came out.

Listen, don?t speak: Music also = cute. Everything in this game = cute, people. Except Valentina?s rack, it?s? well, it?s just frightening. In any case, fitting the scenarios and areas like a glove - whether it?s Valentina?s theme, Margarie Margarita, with its haughty elegance and echoing ?oh ho ho!? laughs, or the twinkling, ethereal (yes, ethereal) sound of Geno?s Theme - the mainly-orchestrated music will be stuck in your head for days.

Each town has its own distinct theme, as do most areas - so it?s unlikely you?ll ever get tired of the music. Sound effects are basic - a little boingy-sound when Mario jumps (which
you?ll have to do a lot), the basic opening/closing door thing, and screeching noises whenever someone skids to a stop. Basic, but good.

Play, don?t work: Gameplay is basic fare - go around from town-to-town, solving the problems here and there, etc etc. No random battles here - you have the option of avoiding your enemies if you can, as you can see them on the main screen. In-battle, there are basically four commands, each corresponding to the buttons on the SNES controller - at least, the one with purple buttons. (Another controller was later released with the buttons being red, yellow, blue and green, for reasons I can?t remember - either way, it?s still simple enough.)

Y is for the spells - and if, while performing a spell, you press the Y button again during it? the power is usually increased, and it hits/heals harder. Note that the FP - Flower Points, what it costs each character to perform a certain spell - are shared between all the characters in the party. So if, say, Mario were to perform his Jump attack, that would be three FP. For now, let?s say this is the beginning of a battle, and the party has 11 FP total. Mallow hasn?t gone yet. It?s his turn now, and when you open up the spell menu? it?s now 8/11 FP. So, to reiterate, the whole party shares it. Beware.

X brings up the items menu. Simple enough - scroll through, pick the item you need to use (ones that can?t be used, or ones which there?s no need for yet will be grayed out).

A is, fittingly enough, Attack. Physical attacks, of course. Let?s get physical. Tap A while attacking the enemy - be sure to do it fast enough, usually around the beginning of the attack - and the character will perform and another attack on the enemy, upping the damage. Niiiiiiiiiiice.

The only other one left is B - defending, or to run away (can?t run from boss battles, though, and certain enemies). And, as before - if you press B right when an enemy uses a physical attack on
you, sometimes you can block the blow and lessen the damage. Sometimes you?ll receive none at all, even.

The level-up system is quite unique. When a character levels up, you?re given the choice of picking one of three attributes to give a big boost to - HP, Attack Power, or Defense Power. The other two will still go up regardless, but if you find a character to be severely lacking in one or the other, well? pick wisely is all I can say.

From time-to-time, if you kill an enemy in battle, a flower may pop out of them and hit the little murdering? anyway. These flowers basically carry bonuses - Max HP, Defense or Offense upped by 25% for the remainder of the battle? and then one called ?Lucky!? If you get one of these, you play a little game after the battle - it?s sort of like the ?which shell is the ball under? thing, but instead of shells and balls, you get ?which egg is Yoshi in??

Finding him doubles either the party?s experience or how many coins they?ve won after the battle - depend son which pops up. Picking an egg with a little chickadee in it makes things stay the same. Finding a fuzzy black ball? well, say bye-bye to your hard-earned money/experience.

Mini-games galore populate Mario RPG as well - finding hidden treasure chests scattered all over the world, fighting a powerful dojo master, running uphill against three cloaked beings called Snifits (using them as catapults) while dodging barrels to collect beetles for money, gambling away at a hidden casino (provided you can find it - I?d advise playing a mini-game at a place called Booster?s Tower a few times to start you on your way there), helping a struggling composer get over his writer?s block?

Although the game is pretty short when you get right down to the nitty-gritty, distractions like these will consume most of your playing time, more than making up for it. Even if none affect the ending or get you hidden characters and the like, they?re still madden
ingly fun and addictive - hell, I personally could be entertained for hours on end with the mini-games alone.

Put on repeat: Replayability is a bit lacking in here. Once you?ve beaten the game for the first time, there?s not much left to do except the side quests mentioned above - although that?s not a bad thing. You?ll probably be combing over it again and again anyway, if only to see what you missed the first time, or to allow yourself the pleasure of another play-through.

All-in-all, while a bit childish at heart, Super Mario RPG- Legend of the Seven Stars has a sort of strange, charming appeal that will attract RPG fans of all ages. It doesn?t try to be too deep. It doesn?t try to take itself too seriously. And it doesn?t resort to the excessive fanservice most RPGs of today offer? well, maybe with the exception of Valentina.

The perfect introduction to an extremely popular genre, filled with chesty alcoholic birds, mad totem-pole men, turtles, and ?shrooms (yes, shrooms - here they recover health), this is the kind of stuff Legends are made of.

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