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"May you always grow in wisdom and in love. May the frequency of divorce decrease."
A tender sentiment, compliments of the apparent Obi Wan Kenobi of difficult relationships, John Gray.
Thanks to the many life enhancement and survival books on the shelf of my bedroom, I am currently fully capable of surviving hostage situations, losing 10lbs whilst eating bacon and can tell the difference between a woman and a transvestite. However, one aspect of life that none of the books I owned could instruct me on, was relationships. And I need it bad, my pillow girlfriend recently shrunk in the wash. Enter: John Gray, author, Jedi, and boring sexist.
'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' wasn't hard to get hold of, it was apparently a best-seller. More people actually bought this book than any other at one point in time, bemusing considering that if you manage to struggle through the two and a half pages of gushing acknowledgements, where he actually thanks his secretary, I think his dog gets a mention too, and manage to stay awake through the introduction, an eight page 'how I met my wife' dinner party story, then all you are rewarded with is cheesy lines that make the Star Wars films seem like Shakespeare, peppered with occasional terrible advice.
Some of his pearls of wisdom include:
"Ask her how she is feeling." Ground breaking advice, indeed. I think that if is there is a man out there, attempting to save his relationship, that hasn't already tried occasionally asking her how she is feeling, he is far beyond the help of a book.
"Build a fire in the wintertime." More great advice, particularly if you're in a relationship with a cavewoman.
"Wash before having sex or put on cologne." Because there's no bigger turn off for a woman than the smell of someone who's spent all day with a giant bonfire.
However, not to be so cynical so quickly, I decided to actually put some of the advice into action. One chapter in particular: The Love Letter. John Gray breaks the love letter down into 5 easy steps, Anger, Sadness, Fear, Regret and Love. He even gives you templates to start each section. Following his steps, I came up with this...
I feel annoyed that you are not my girlfriend. I feel hurt that you told me to leave you alone that time when I knocked on your door. I feel scared when your Dad came out and shouted at me that it was 3 am. I feel regret that the police came and took me away before I could finish the second verse of Take That's 'I Want You Back'. I forgive you for the restraining order.
Lots of love, Ryan.
I am yet to hear back, but I cant help but feel the foolproof steps were not as foolproof as promised.
Overall, what the message of this book boils down to, is that woman and men are different. However, the question this raises is simply, does it really require 307 pages to convey this message? No, it does not. And, should you buy this book? Again, probably not. If you have reached adulthood and have yet to come to this conclusion, then there are plenty of other books you'd probably like to read first, maybe one on biology.
"Thank you for letting me make a difference in your life." No, thank you John, and may the force be with you.
Reading this book helped me more than I could have imagined. The author describes male and female attributes in a realistic way and I could see myself and my other half reflected in his words. I didn't even realise that I had a communication problem; I was given this book and read it out of curiosity. Each section of the book reveals strikingly simple yet hugely important points which can really help the way you interact and communicate with others, even if you're not in a relationship. There are key ideas which require a little bit of work to break your bad habits and implement the new way of speaking. I strongly recommend getting hold of a copy from the marketplace as this book has proved to be invaluable to me. Take it step by step and if you are having serious relationship issues try and get your partner to read along with you and share the experience. It's a real eye-opener.
--I originaly posted this on Amazon 2008
A practical guide for improving communication within relationships, helping both sexes get what they want from love and friendship. The author encourages readers to accept the other gender's particular way of expressing love and helps men and women accept each other's emotional needs.
I listened to the audio book version and it was great because was easier to soak up.
John Gray explores how men and women behave in a relationship, he talks about how men and women deal with their emotions and compares them emotions under certain conditions.
If you are a relationship and reading this book you would most likely relate to most of what he says. You will also find a new perspective on the emotions of your partner under certain circumstances.
I have been in a relationship for nearly 12 years i could really understand the points he was making and has made me think a bit differently about the way men and women are in relationships.
One point he made was that men always think when women complain about something that they are blaming them when all we are doing is telling them what the problem is, for example today i was telling my partner that we need another clothes horse because in order to get more washing done i need more space to hang it and his response was that well it is not his fault, if i had not of listened to that book last night i would of been more impatient and not understood why he thought i was saying it was his fault, but instead i said calmly i am not blaming you i am just letting you know what the problem is it is no ones fault.
I found this book very helpful and would suggest it for anyone that is in a relationship.
Some of what John Gray writes is common sense, but most of it does offer new insights as to how we carry out our relationships between the sexes. It would have raised eyebrows years ago but in this day and age we live in a time where the World is ready for such concepts as Men going to their caves and Women not wanting men to play 'Mr Fix It'. A lot of the common sense ideas, like women needing (generally) to have a man listen without interrupting and hear her out without glazing over at the football may seem obvious, but they are things we need reminding of. For me it's an essential accompaniment to anybody's book shelf and is a book which you can dive into again and again if only to skim a few chapters - it is guaranteed to iron out any minor issues in your relationships with the other sex almost instantly.
Picture this. I am lying in bed almost asleep, my husband is reading John Gray's book about relationships 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'.
"Are you awake Gill?"
"I am now, what's up?"
"I just want to read you this. It's amazing! It says here that when women are upset they just want to be heard but men think they have to solve the problem, so the woman ends up not feeling heard because the man goes into problem solving!"
Me, somewhat groggily. "Oh, right. Good. Can I go to sleep now?"
"Oh sorry, it's just so interesting, I thought you'd like to hear it."
Me..."Well it is interesting love, but I'm a bit too tired to talk about it just now." I pull the quilt over my head and go back to sleep.
Ten minutes later.
"Gill, Gill! Did you know that mens brains have less connections between the left and right hemisphere? That's why they can't multi task!"
Me, somewhat aggravated. "I did know that yes! Thanks! I'm going back to sleep now."
"Oh, did I wake you up? Sorry!"
Half an hour later......
"Gill? Are you asleep?"
"WHAT! What do you want now? Why do you keep bloodywell waking me up?"
My husband, all injured feelings ........
"I thought you'd be interested!"
Me, really aggravated at being woken up again!
"Right! What is it that I'm not bloody interested in, that you thought I'd be bloody interested in? What? Tell me quickly, I want to go to bloody sleep!"
"It says here," He waves the book at me, "That women get a lot of their self esteem from keeping the house nice, and that men get a lot of their self esteem from....."
"Waking their wives up?"
"Don't be like that. From being able to earn the money to let their women do that."
"You've woken me up again to tell me that? Are you crackers?"
"No, it's a really good book, it's got sections in about everything!"
I was really annoyed by now!
"Now listen! I have been telling you that stuff for years, how come you only believe it when you read it in a book written by a self confessed Martian?"
"Have you? I don't remember that!"
Me, sarcastically. "Now there's a big suprise! I am going to sleep now. Don't wake me up again unless there's a section of advice on what to do if the person from Venus shoves the book into Uranus!"
I went back to sleep leaving my husband to the delights of John Gray's self help book. I can't say that my introduction to the book did much to enhance my marriage.
The book was released to huge critical acclaim and excitement in 1996. It was a runaway best seller.
Currently it is available in most bookshops for around £10.00. It is easy to pick one up second hand and (tellingly) it is often seen on sale at car boot sales for about 50p.
I did read it, partly to stop my husband asking me if I'd read it yet. It doesn't take long to read. It's about 300 pages long and there's a lot of repetition.
The basis of the book is that men are different from women. (No sh*t Sherlock!) and that if you understand the differences you will live together more harmoniously. To be honest, I found the book tedious. There is a lot of repetition, the same point might be made five or six times as though the reader was too dim to get it the first time. If the repetetive bits were removed I think it would probably be only 100 pages long!
There are 13 chapters all with titles like 'Men are like rubber bands' ie. They like to wander off but will come back if you give them time.
or 'Women Are like waves.' ie. We go up and down a lot emotionally. (Gosh, I didn't know that either!) These chapters are all illustrated with little examples of why we are like that and about fifteen different examples that say virtually the same thing.
There's a list for the men of '101 ways to score with women.' All I've got to say about this list is that it's one of the most patronising things I've ever read. I couldn't believe the stereotypes he kept trying to push men and women into. It was insulting to the intelligence of both sexes.
I kept getting an image of Mr I Sleazebucket practising in front of a mirror. Saying to himself ....."Rule 27. Look directly into her eyes and hold the contact. Rule 49, Tell her something positive about herself. Rule 93, Show an interest in her day. Then can I ask if she wants to go to bed?"
Rule 596 Take your eyes off my breasts whilst you're practising the smarm and stop combing your hair over your bald spot! (Sorry, I made that one up!)
To be fair, the first couple of chapters are quite interesting and can be useful to get you to look at ways that you interact with your partner. Some good points are made and the author does try to explain clearly what he perceives to be the main gender differences.
He does explain some of the ways that arguments occur and what the unmet hidden or unconscious agendas might be that fuelled the fight in the first place. I think sitting down and discussing that particular chapter could be extremely useful to couples who are trapped in a cycle of arguments.
There is some humour in the book and a few of the anecdotes are interesting. I occasionally found myself laughing when I wasn't supposed to be because there are quite a few cheesy moments.
A lot of my friends swear by the book, unfortunately, after the first few chapters I just wanted to swear at it. Particularly because he kept referring to Martians and Venusians rather than Men and Women. I got the feeling that he was trying to brainwash me by using this repetition of his thesis to convince me that it was so. I wasn't fully convinced.
I found the stereotyping a little too pat. I also found the language contrived and patronising in parts. Perhaps I'm a bit cynical about self help books but I just didn't get what all the hype and excitement was about. It might help you to communicate better but only if both parties read it and believe it. That might take some doing.
To sum it up.
Men are from Mars,
Women are from Venus.
Women have breasts,
And men have a .......strange desire to wake me up in the middle of the night and tell me about this book!
Paperback: 304 pages
Charity shops are a treasure trove of finds. Cast off and nestling beside a few dog eared Mills and Boons I spotted a pristine copy of Men Are From Mars Woman Are From Venus. Alarm bells should have run inside my head about the contents of this pristine book that appeared not to have been opened. The cynic in me thought perhaps the previous owner might have decided working out how a man thought was too tiresome and had decided on a life of celibacy was more convenient. The bargain hunter in me saw an unread book for 50p and a potential Ebay sale
Dr John Grey has made a life's work and a couple of million in the process of telling us how relationships work. From the original Men Are From Mars book spawned a whole litter of books each proclaiming to make your relationship work properly and show you how! Websites flourish , his after dinner speech tours add to the already growing coffers. And yes the man apparently is a saviour to many, the relationship guru that has helped many a couple onto the road of heavenly wedded bliss. Much has been written about Dr John Grey's career prior to the explosive success of Men Are From Mars, the fact his PhD has been likened to a Cereal packet degree must irk him some what.
It was with a semi open mind and a promise I'd not smirk too much that I opened the book and began to read. It's pretty easy reading -Dr Grey often repeats things and for the skimmers he high lights his main points in bold type -you could get away with just reading the bold type and still have a clear understanding of the whole book .I found the writing style and the dear Doc's need to high light so called important things rather patronising and damn right irksome in places as I progressed throw the book. I felt my ability to glean what I needed was taken away from me that the un bold text was just waffle and of not the same importance as the bold text.. The language at times could be straight out of a Mills and Boon or a dog eared Valentines card with declarations that Love is special and we must build on it . Be prepared to be patronised big time in places.
Chapter one introduced me to the concept that Men Are From Mars and Woman are from Venus - I could have told the dear Doc Men were from Mars years ago .The book is extremely simplistic and if not riveting reading it's easy to skim along, smirking at times which I did till the Doc went for the jugular, till I was so incensed I wanted to shove his book some place the sun don't shine. Chapter Two informed me that "to offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he doesn't know what to do or that he can't do it on his own" the dear Doc informs us laydees we're to stop giving advice and should our men folk decide to drive around for hours lost we're to smile and know he'll get us there in the end. Our men folk apparently need to be able to take care of us and driving in circles without asking for directions is one of their ways of doing it! I've got another idea Doctor Grey I'll wind down the window and scream I'm lost get me out of here before I'll spend hours being driven literally round the bend ..
I stopped reading the book at that juncture some 21 pages in. It incensed me, it bought the rabid feminist in me out The book was shelved for a number of months till I was wanting a good laugh and I picked it up again. With an open mind I started to read it again -well skim it would be more apt. I learnt that men are really cave dwellers - the dear Doc told me it was true men are really cave men. I'll admit this chapter did ring true in place note the word places. Woman will talk throw their problems, I think it's a genetic sisterhood thing, we will talk. If life is shit, then we'll happily tell our best mates / confidantes. I've often thought it's a shame that society doesn't allow men or all men should I say to do the same thing. Now I might be agreeing with the dear Doc at this point but I've not bought everything he's said from here on I'll have you know.
Did you know that men are like rubber bands ladies? That a man needs to be able to pull away, that they can only stretch so far before they spring back? Have you wondered why your man is playing hard to get? It's because he's a rubber band and not an infuriating moron who's playing hard to get . The dear Doc informs us that he'll be back not like a bad penny or Arnie just that he needs to be able to pull away periodically before he can become closer still. Lost? Yes I was! The Doc told us about Maggie who's beloved was being a moron in my mind, how he was being attentive one second and as remote as the last house on Everest the next. Maggie was obviously beside herself -not with fury but bewildment wondering what she'd done wrong. I wanted to scream NOTHING HE'S A MORON! The dear Doc advises the Maggie's of this world to allow our men to stretch to their full stretch and not to aim to get close during these stretching periods. I'd advise to cut the rubber band and tell him to naff off but then again I'm a cynic and I'm reading a book in an attempt to understand men better ..And failing miserably!
The Doc gave us the concept that men are like elastic band always stretching but coming back at inappropriate moments. He informs us that woman are like waves and no I'm not a blinking tsunami so stop sniggering at the back! Apparently when us laydees are loved/worshiped/adored allowed our own way and bought mega bags full of choccie and Lush goodies ( ok so the dear Doc didn't suggest buying bags of Lush goodies or mega mountains of choccie -see I told you he didn't know what he was talking about!) we are like waves, we're riding a high and then it comes crashing all around us. Now I always thought this was due to the fact men don't worship/adore buy umpteen boxes of Thornton Choccies and induce hay fever with fields of flowers delivered to our doors. Apparently not. A woman when she feels loved is at the peak of her wave and when she's not she crashed down but don't worry she'll soon pick herself up again and be on a peak of a wave again .Now when I read this chapter I just wanted to scream it's PMT you moron! Every example he uses made me think of PMT -thankfully the dear Doc isn't a medical Doc and it's only your emotional life you've got in his hands!
With a certain cynicism after reading the chapters about different emotional needs, how to avoid an argument -and no it wasn't by just not arguing I did wonder if the dear Doc would come out with that little gem! Nothing is worse then someone who informs you they are right and blatantly refuses then to communicate with you! I commenced the chapter that was to tell me how to score with the opposite sex. This made hilarious reading as I was always under the impression that the way to a man's heart was to turn up naked with beer obviously making sure his Mother/Nan/ Great Aunt weren't in the building and that all a man had to do was beg or turn up with Lush goodies/choccie/posh alcohol . My eyes were opened by what the dear Doc suggested. No I no longer had to risk mortal embarrassment or the inclimental weather to score with men. In order to score with men I must remember never to wind down the window whilst lost and scream get me outta here. I must admire sunsets stating if we'd not got lost we'd never have seen this sunset ..Nor am I to scream slow down your doing 90 in a 30 mile an hour zone apparently you get negative points if you do. I can't but wonder if the Doc has driving and navigational issues he needs to resolve?
The Doc gives the men 101 ways to score with woman. Read it and be prepared to be patronised/irked and incensed! I was amazed actually in places did men really need to pay out good money to be told that small pressies/flowers and asking someone how they are will score points? I also wondered what century the Doc resided in when he suggest men should turn their own socks the right way so their woman can wash them. I'd have thought learning how to turn on the washing machine would have been more appropriate advice. Now don't go getting too touchy feely either the Doc recommends only 4 hugs a day but when talking to her you can occasionally touch her with your hand ..Apparently occasionally washing up works wonders as does washing cars, clearly writing out telephone messages and buying super glue . My advice would be buy pressies lots of them inform me I don't look fat in that but if I do work out how to tell me diplomatically only my best mate is allowed to tell me I look like a fat tart in that thank you very much!
Unfortunately if you are looking for a quick fix to solve relationship difficulties then this book isn't going to cut it. I read it to find out what all the hype is. I found a book that patronised me as a woman and an adult. I found pages of overt sexism and the fact I should be a meek and mild domestic goddess who worshiped her man irked me. John Grey at times implies that the woman's roles in a relationship was second class and to be submissive - I'm sorry but sock washing isn't my way of finding inner fulfilment and I imagine millions of other woman feel the same. From a male readers point of view I did wonder if they too would find themselves heavily patronised as well. Grey implies in places that most of his male readers do not even have an inkling of how to have a successful relationship. If your looking for a quick fix to a problem I doubt you'll find it amongst the covers of this book, if you fancy a laugh and your blood pressure raising to near heart attack levels in places then this is the book for you. Should you want to try and sort out a relationship then use the money on better things. As for understanding the opposite sex I fear it's something I'll never master but it'll be fun trying! And I'll never give up my right to wind down a car window and ask for directions!
Most Charity Shops
The famous international bestseller - Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Claims to be 'The definitive guide to relationships', written by John Gray - a best selling author, lecturer and relationships counsellor.
The book is meant as a guide to understanding the opposite sex, and how we communicate, think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need, and appreciate differently. Packed with practical techniques for solving the problems that arise from our differences.
An interesting theory, to say the least. I must admit, after reading the second chapter of the book I was about to put it down and forget about it.
**** 'Mr Fix - It and the Home - Improvement Committee' ****
In this chapter an example is given to show how women can unintentionally undermine a man's competence by not trusting that they can take care of things. Men value power, competency, efficiency and achievement. This is why it is a bad idea to offer a man advice, unless he has asked for it, as this would be presuming that he is not capable of taking care of something himself.
For example, Tom and Mary were going to a party. Tom was driving. After about 20 minutes and going around the same block a few times, it was clear to Mary that Tom was lost. She finally suggested that he call for help. Tom became very silent. They eventually arrived at the party, but the tension from that moment persisted the whole evening. Mary had no idea of why he was so upset. From her side she was saying, "I love and care about you, so I am offering you this help."
Now, by doing this, the author claims this would offend a man. What they will hear is "I don't trust you to get us there. You are incompetent!" Offering advice was the ultimate insult.
I don't agree with this. I would tell the man to pull over and ask for directions, there is no way I'm going to sit in the car for hours, if we were clearly lost, and trust that they will get us there eventually! I actually found it offensive that the author suggests we should!
Like I said, after reading this far I was about to put the book down, as I could not relate to anything that had been said, but I decided to read on.
After reading the rest of the book, I must admit, I was impressed, apart from that one chapter I mentioned almost everything else made sense. Although I found myself agreeing with almost everything else in the book, below are just a few that really struck a chord with myself and my friends:
* When a man gets upset he very rarely talks about what is bothering him, he becomes quiet and withdrawn, preferring to find a solution by himself. Women on the other hand need to talk about things.
* It is difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied.
* Even when a man is succeeding in supporting a women, she may become even more upset.
* Most couples start out arguing about one thing and, within five minutes, are arguing about the way they are arguing!
Although the book has lots of tips and advice on avoiding and dealing with arguments, and communicating better with your partner - understanding their needs. I would use this as a helpful guide only, follow your own heart and basic intuition and you can't go far wrong.
So, I would say overall I was very impressed with this book. It shows you that men and women do communicate differently, and great tips and advice on how to communicate more effectively. Parts of the book may come across as patronising and one sided, but I think most of us can relate to a lot of it too, but if you are looking for this book to have all the answers, and solve all of your problems you will be disapointed, if only things were that simple!
Thanks for reading.
Men are from Mars and Women from Venus is a practical guide to improve communication and getting along better in relationship. Men and women are born with differences and the very fact that Eve's desire right from the Temptation garden of Eden made men and women explore the relationship endlessly. Couples need to accept the difference, tune in for better relationship by improving communication, caring and understanding. The author focas on the ego, pride and hurt issues arised from negative thinking of the partners. He explains various situations, examples and solutions for effective communication, action role and adjustments when a couple encounters anger, insults, fights, bickerings, humiliation or the sort. When a woman offers unsolicited advice, she has no idea of how critial and unloving she may sound to him. Her criticism ways do offend and hurt and these are the times men needs her loving acceptance. When a waman tries to improve a man, he feels she is trying to fix him! He thinks he's broken. He is humiliated! She thinks she is helping him to grow or showing her territory ways. Women tend to have mood swings, high jinxed sometimes and its when life really strings! Men rule his power, often unperturbed to the emotions of women, sometimes bad communicators as john says, the differences between the two calls for a resolve to misunderstandings arisen which leads to broken hearts in an affair if not practically taken care. John's book is indeed a practrical guide to accept the differences and walk hand in hand to chase the blues away in lefe. Its afterall, wavelengths that need to match! Buy this book its well worth it.
I'm going to keep this short because the alternative is way too long. Firstly this book (which is guidance about relationships in case you were unsure) does have merit. If you are having difficulties communicating in a relationship then by purchasing it you have acknowledged your problems and can be on the route to solving them. However you could do the same by buying a pot-plant as long as you agreed it was to help your relationship. Secondly laughing and debating some of the comments can bring you closer together- equally if you have so little in common that you need a book for things to talk about then your relationship is probably screwed anyway. My interest is in the way that this book manipulates the reader (people who are often in a less-than-stable mental state due to having relationship problems) and how it sells itself to them. I must confess that in comparison to other reviews I have written this one is more than just a written opinion, I wrote a 14k word MA dissertation about this book for my degree in Linguistics about how the book uses language to manipulate the reader. I can't go into that now (mainly because it took 14k words last time) but I would warn any reader coming to this book to be very careful about accepting what it says. 1) It seems that the author is very fond of presenting his opinions as facts, and then using spurious or insignificant research to back them up. To give a slightly extreme example it is akin to writing "My mate Dave says this, therefore you should all do this because a sample group says so..." 2) He repeats himself constantly using different metaphors. This has been argued to be because he is trying to drum the message home- personally it seems it is because he thinks the reader is stupid/malleable and he can sell the same idea as several different ones by using different words. 3) He REPEATEDLY tells the reader how his ideas are innovative. cannot be found elsewhere, are brilliant, w
ork etc. The sheer fact of this repetition written in a book can impress some (after all how many people say "Oh I read in the paper/book that..." meaning that it must therefore be correct). The sheer fact of being published confers validity on a viewpoint, that he uses this validate himself is circular but does seem to work. 4) His views are sexist (in that they designate clear and clearly different roles for the genders) in an old fashioned women at home, men at work way. You may believe this, you may not, what is important is being aware that it is occuring and you don't have to accept it. 5) Within this schema, and given that this targets a female audience (which is a given in any academic treatise on a book of this sort), men are presented as being more at fault for problems than women, in a disproportionate, but satisfyingly 'I told you so', manner. It is also worth noting that there is a lot of evidence floating around (search the net: try 'The Rebuttal from Uranus') that his PhD is little better then being off the back of a Cornflake packet (ie it is one of them mail-order jobbies). Ask yourself very carefully what right he has to offer you this advice as if it were gospel. I could say alot more but I'll stop now. Contrary to what I'd normally try and write this is more a warning of things to watch out for if you do read the book than a suggestion to read it or not. Basically try to be as critical a reader as you can and question anything he says- it may take more effort but you won't be mislead as easily. PS If anyone questions/is interested in the research let me know. The dissertation lost marks for bad structure (due to last minute issues) but the content and research was highly rated. PPS Sorry if this sounds pompous, I'm trying to cut down alot of research and even like this I'm missing some points. However this is something that I feel very strongly about.
My husband bought me a copy of Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus for my birthday a number of years ago. We were not married at the time, in fact, we weren't even dating. He bought me this book by way of explanation…. John Gray sets out in his self-help book chapter upon chapter of reasons as to why men and women behave as they do with the aim of building understanding between the sexes to enable happy and fulfilling relationships. He uses allegorical language to convey his message telling us of a journey to earth of martians and venusians and how they struggle to cope in a different environment and how they fail to understand, quite literally, where the other is coming from. Well, cow dung to that! In fairness to Andrew I started to read this book..... man will retreat into his cave if he is hurt, what he is saying is that you have offended him and he needs to sort things out zzzzzzzzzzz I never finished the book. Many people swear by this book but I would challenge anyone who says that it has been good - WHY??? There is no doubt that men and women are different, they each go about their lives in a different way. What this book does though is to stereotype in a rather dramatic way. For example, the book states that as a woman you should be sensitive to the fact that a man needs to feel that he has come up with a solution to the problem (hunter) and thus as a woman you should present a possible solution to a man in such a way as he thinks that he has come up with the idea. I can vouch for this as a male perspective - my husband hates it when I get to the answer first. But likewise, I hate it when he is right first…see in that sense and as per John Gray's categorisations, I am a man! (No, it's alright, I just checked and I am most definitely female!) Credit where credit is due, Gray does state that his categorisation of martian or venusian need not necessarily be down t
he gender line but it is hard to remember this when reading. I actually had more rows with Andrew after I had read part of this book. He used to say to me things like "I'm in my cave" or "have you read chapter 5 yet, that tells you why I responded like that". Well, if I may just step out of line for a moment…I do not want my life run by a book! The book attempts to move away from the modern blame culture and into the new realms of understanding that men and women are not always on the same wavelength…sorry, it just doesn't work for me. Maybe I am overly argumentative (my job expects no less) but is Gray really expecting to turn us into a bunch of whimps who put every disagreement down to a lack of understanding as to how the other partner views the situation. I don't want to brush my troubles under the carpet with a "I'm off into my cave now" retort…I want it out in the open, to put an end to the problem and if that means having an all out row, so be it. The book has endless lists (albeit in paragraph format) of he says this, he means that, she says this, she means that. Is life that simple? Maybe, but if it is I live an overcomplicated version of life. The style of writing is terribly PC, non-judgemental and understanding. Again, this may be somewhere where I lost touch with the book. I don't want to brush over things, I want to confront them and I felt that this book was asking me very valid and difficult questions but then giving me the same answer all the time - you have conflict because you just don't understand the opposite sex! Use the book as a basis to explore relationships, take the questions but leave the answers. This book does not give you the answers to why you row about what your children watch, why you get cross when your husband goes on a drinking binge or your wife on a spending spree. It is basic and banal, skirting over the re
al issues with a cloak of nothingness. The book retails at £9.99 (paperback) but has been out long enough to benefit from many discounts. Gray's latest offering….and Children are from Heaven will go unbought, at least by me!
It is a long time since I have read this book, in fact I have given it to a friend. I bought this book because I was very much in love with a particularly complex form of the male species, who turned out to be from the cosmos of bastardy. I would really like to know the perspective of Mrs John Gray because Dr. Gray himself turned out to be as sincere and useful as Graham Norton in a brothel. Yes, after reading this book, you start thinking things like 'maybe he is in his cave' but what good is that when your both screaming your lungs out as you try to find a suitable outlet for your rage. Ok, for those who haven't read the book, Gray says men go into caves to ponder their lives, but will return like a rubber band. Pish posh. If anyone has actually applied this book to their love lives and it has worked then PLEASE provide me with solid evidence. Why am I writing this op now? Well if you must know I have met a man who is not only funny, intelligent and sensitive but has thighs so muscular that I have to stop myself salivating at the mere thought. It is the second time I'll see him on Friday and I'm scared. Teenage tingly scared. So I started thinking of this book again. I have decided not to try to use it. I have decided to drink a surplus quantity of vodka and bolster my courage. Basically I think that this book not only makes extraordinary generalisations, which may make sense on paper, but die in the face of passion. I also find it very annoying that Gray writes in such a happy clappy American way. If you have bought this book just because Bridget Jones bought it, remember that Mark Darcy was written just for her and that real people come with flaws. Gray has taken a basic human need, that of love and understanding and turned it into a money spinning venture. Instead of READING about the opposite sex, JUST ASK, then and only then will you learn.
I begrudge giving this solitary star to this book and I urge you to stop seeking answers in pieces of paper and go and find them for yourselves.
After experiencing a rather bad patch with my partner, bad as to the extent of nearly splitting up, I'd heard good reviews about this book and decided to read it. I found the book vey hard going and although there were certain chapters that appealed to me such as: How to motivate the opposite sex, really needed to give that one a go! although there were some interesting points nothing inspired me to put them into action. The amusing chapter that I found was 'Women are like waves' hmm excuse me but isn't this book written by a man? so in that case what makes him such an expert as to what women think? I'm sorry but I really couldn't get into this book due to the fact that it was extremely hard going and I had to force myself to read it, I also thought such statements as 'men go to their caves and women talk' rather ridiculous, couldn't this have been put into better terminology? I'm of the opinion that without actually experiencing something that you are writing about, I mean would you write an opinion about a product that you haven't tried? I think not. So Mr Gray as you are clearly a man what do you know about women?
Jonathan Gray, what a book angel, he really understands how women are and what we need. This book is a must, I actually own 4 copies and lend them to my friends with relationship problems. It is a relationship bible and no-one should be without one. This guy writes really well, and as a women I really felt like I was understod by a MAN!!! There are also little pocket books for £1.99 available too, which is really handy and there is one for a man to understand his women and visa versa. Really great read!!!! UPDATE!!! I was new to this when I wote this op, and have noted the comments, THANKYOU, so here is more about the book!! The book explains men and womens behaviour, what to do in a bad relationship situation, he write how women can deal with men and visa versa. He explains what we can do to make realationships work. He write things like;- "when a man responds to a womans troubles with sympathy and not solutions, he makes her feel loved and nurtured." "If a woman makes the first move in sex, after a while the man will lose interest in having sex with her" Then he explains why and how you deal with it. hope this is a bit more that is needed. Every relationship should have one of these books!!!
Do not read this unless you want to be happy with your partner for the rest of your life! I am not an evangelist, a lay preacher or anything to do with religion, nor am I a liberal type everyone has the right blah, blah, blah. What I am and what gives me the right to even consider reviewing this book, is that I have been in a 7 year relationship now, with out a real argument. Okay, we do disagree and occasionally huff a bit, but we are human, just like I said! The reason why we have never had a bust up or argument is because of the principles in this book. Each person has the right to be a person. No person has the right to tell another person how to live their life. (Although sound advice is OK) We, the sexes, react in different ways. We respond to affection in a different way. We love each other in different ways. We have different mood swings. We work and live at different paces We aim for different goals We perceive things in a different context Now if you were to live your life exactly like this book says, then you would be a complete Howard and Hilda, but that is not the intention of this book. Men are form Mars and Women are from Venus, explains the cultural and emotional differences in today’s modern living. I don’t want to go too much into what is actually written in the book, as you can find that out by reading it. This is what the meaning behind the book is. Example. Just because you have cooked your partner a lovely meal and put some nice romantic music on does not mean she will jump into bed that night and be a different person! You need to turn the music down low, clear up, wash up and then sit and talk to her, about her. Do this with genuine intent or it will show. Usually woman feel taken for granted, and this is because we men are a bit laid back, couch potatoes or whatever. Not intentionally, but it does happ
en. We need to show the woman that she is not only loved, as that would be too easy, but valued as a friend and a person. And ladies, don’t think you get off easily! This book also lets you know that we need praise and reassurance as well. It will come to no surprise to the ladies out there that we are big kids at heart and need to be humoured a bit as well. This book goes into the reasons why men huff and women huff. Its quite funny but also very important if you want to live an argument free life! Sometimes Sherry and I do have strong conversation about getting our own way, but we both respect that we have a decision and try to work around each other’s views. I guess it beats having to say “I will have to ask my other half” whenever you are asked a challenging question, as you learn what your partner would say and can answer on their behalf without crossing that fine line. Basically this book is intended for couples that want to be friends and live together in relatively good harmony. What this book doesn’t teach you is the trust you have to have in each other, and the limits that each of you can be pushed too. That is something to learn from life itself, and something you learn from each other. Conclusion This is a superb guide to living together as friends and lovers. Not a book to be absorb in whole, more of a language translation book, to be used to ask for basic things in a foreign language. If you read this and let it enlighten your perception of the opposite sex, and get a better understanding of your own moods, you may never have that huge argument again. Read, enlighten, enjoy. Angus