"Marilyn?!" "No, Matt!" (Britannia)

Member Name: theediscerning

Product:	Britannia
Date:	06/12/03 (91 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None

Disadvantages: See op (or the law books)

The reason theediscerning is titling this op with a quote from Little Voice will come clear later, when certain Monroe records are featured. That will come just before the important legal information that may help people escape the criminal tactics Britannia Music Club have employed to get members.

Theediscerning first joined Britannia many moons ago, when he was a youth, knee-high to a grasshopper, and incredibly naïve. This was so long ago, that Britannia were trading in both those new CD things, and music tapes (remember them?). They were only just beginning to spread into video as an off-shoot too.

Back then, as now, the biggest draw for membership is the initial offer. CDs being new, there was a free gift involved in joining for the CD club side of things ~ a CD holder. Yes, one of those new-fangled things that were just pink, open-topped plastic boxes, with slots for all of 12 CDs. To some extent Britannia still rely on people who believe 12 CDs to amount to a collection.

But 'free' gifts regardless, the initial impetus was the 6 for the price for 1 offer, or even 6 at a penny, or some such. Buy one from the selection of recent hit albums, and you'd get another half~dozen of your choosing at apparently knock~down price. This must still apply today, and theediscerning could check if he bought the sorts of magazines that had the ubiquitous offer leaflets in, but he doesn't.

After paying for that, one was a fully~fledged member of the Club. All one had to do was wait each month for a newsletter, detailing their new releases, and buy at will.

Well, with some clauses, small print and regulations, that was indeed the case. You would have to be a member for a certain amount of time, and buy 6 'full~price' CDs (or cassettes, remember) over at most a two-year period, or they would then bill you the full whack for all the 6 initial cheapies. Each month or so the booklet arrived, with four CDs
highlighted ~ one pop, one rock, one classical, and one something else. They were the most annoyingly middle~of~the~road selections they could made, the type of albums one could not escape, and the types that even every Woolworth's would have. At least selling just a few titles meant they could be much surer that all remained in stock for ready despatch.

The first catch was that if you did not respond each month, the highlighted CD corresponding to your buying tastes would be sent to you automatically. This was clearly to make you wish to order each month, as you had to send the form back anyway. It also meant they could send thousands of copies of dross out, with no escape for the poor recipient, who would rather have had something else that he actually wanted.

The point about the Woolworth's is worth remembering, as the fact was virtually every CD was much more expensive than it would be in the high street. What's more, one had to wait a good few weeks for BMC to pick up on anything, as for them a new release was something that had been in the charts for less than three months. For those with any record shop anywhere near them, and a will to buy what they wanted, not what BMC thought they should buy, the whole club was pointless. And with this Internet~busy world, the Club is if possible even more pointless, and about as old~hat as their stupid, jingoistic name.

So why would one get oneself contracted into buying six records one might or might not want, with the opportunity of being sent stuff they didn't want if they weren't quick enough off the marks, and at a price one would baulk at? Well, all records were on ten days' approval, so you could pay out and send them back. You'd still be obliged to keep half a dozen of them though?

Also, with every 'full price' (ie way over full price) purchase, you could next buy one at a special price, which was about the same extent lower than mar
ket norm, so buying in twos meant the whole thing balanced out. But note that the 6 special price ones didn?t have any bearing on the 6 'full' price ones you had to buy.

After a lot of money changed hands, there would come a time when you could get a specially further discounted item. These were also, if vague memory serves, a reward for referring some other gullible fool into the club. This way theediscerning got a lovely huge Jarre box set, for what wasn't a bad price at all, but soon enough theediscerning was tired enough, wise enough and poor enough to cancel his membership.

The letters and "rejoin, you might win a Mini" adverts pleading for resumption of membership went on for 5 years.

And that is the way Britannia operate, to the public eye, at least. There is a heck of a lot of money in it ~ they have sponsored the Brits since the awards started, for one. But two or three years back, theediscerning was to be privy to the underhand tactics of Britannia, involving illegal practices, and coercion.

Theediscerning had long since moved from his childhood home, so the Club probably did not realise the person involved was a past member. They would not have done what they did, had they realised theediscerning was not to be taken for an idiot.

Completely puzzled one day to find a postcard for an unexpected item to be found at his sorting office, he was even more puzzled to find it a welcoming parcel from Britannia. Included were all the usual welcoming letters, terms of contract, and the news that he was now a member, and his initial choice had been included.

That alleged initial choice was:

The Very Best of Matt Monroe
The Very Best of Abba
The Piano soundtrack
The biggest CD from then only a year-past-hip New Radicals
Something else, probably a female singer for balance.

The news also told theediscerning that he was a member of the Classical side of th
e Club, and would be getting news of his first classical CD soon (they'd stopped doing tapes by this time!). Well, obviously ~ he wouldn?t have ordered Matt Monroe if he was in the Pop side, would he?

Theediscerning, of course, made no attempt to pay for this dross. Sure, the Piano CD was one he wanted, and so he put that with his collection. The rest were buried where the sun don't shine.

A few weeks later, of course, the first classical selection came, just like the first package, completely unwanted, completely unsolicited. That joined the growing discard pile.

After a selection of 'when might you be paying us, Mr L********?' letters, theediscerning was sent the bad news that his second classical selection was being held back, and would not be sent until payment for the first bundle was received.

Over the weeks and months the letters got redder and redder, the demands more 'threatening'. But theediscerning knew something about unwanted post which he is now going to tell you.

If any company or person sends you anything you did not explicitly ask for ~ as a sample, say, or for any other purpose (such as their sending you it then demanding payment for it, pretending you ordered it and are cheating them out of payment) they are guilty of sending what is legally termed unsolicited mail. And if they make no efforts to reclaim that item within six months of your receipt, then it is deemed yours to do with what you will.

And so theediscerning just ignored all the red final demands, waited until he had sat on all the CDs for the statutory half~year, then told Britannia the truth. Namely, that they were well aware theediscerning had never applied for membership, that he had not chosen any CDs, let alone such a bizarre mix, they had nothing like a signature (required) to prove his willingness to join, and they knew they were sending the CDs and risking the cost against a gullible fool surpr
ising himself into joining. He told them the CDs were now his, and pointed them to the law books.

They could have taken theediscerning to court for non~payment, of course. And while most judges in the UK need to be reminded that The Beatles were "a popular beat combo", there would have been a good chance that any judge, seeing the unfeasible spread of musical styles in the opening selection of CDs, would have thrown the case out of court, as the membership was clearly a thing of fantasy.

Of course, BMC did not approach the courts, as they knew they were in the wrong.

So, a good place to conclude. BMC in the distant past had no major problems nor successes about any aspect of the business ~ things could have arrived a lot quicker and a bit better packaged, customer care was just enough, etc.

BUT, BMC have in the recent past used illegal practices to make fools think they are members, and therefore have an obligation to pay for what they don't want. It would be a fool who chose to be stuck to a contract, when on every relevant website (only a crown~paying~for click~through from this review platform, remember!) any CD one could buy from Britannia, and thousands more, are available at much better prices. Use them, and get the bargepole between you and Britannia.



PS The CDs sent out unwanted and unlawfully to theediscerning found good places to conclude, too. The Piano soundtrack is still in his collection. Most of the rest went for £1 each to a local Aladdin's Cave~style junk shop, and much later the first classical selection was one of his first large and quick successes as an amazon marketplace seller.

Summary: