Hello, is that Ikea HQ? I have a suggestion... (Ikea)

Member Name: jamesontheroad

Product:	Ikea
Date:	02/01/09 (135 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Affordable, quality modern design

Disadvantages: The hypnotic effect of £0.90 tea towels

We have a business proposal for Ikea. It's a great idea, only it's guaranteed to see their takings cut by at least fifty percent, so it's probably not going to get very far with the Swedish big wigs.

Here's my suggestion. Almost all Ikea stores following a simple format of three sections. 1) A snaking route through a showroom of sample rooms; 2) A large "marketplace" through which customers again following a snaking route, but this time with a trolley lifting items from shelves and displays; 3) The warehouse, where flatpack furniture seen earlier is located and loaded onto trolleys.

My humble suggestion is to insert a cunning fourth step between 2 & 3. A series of large white rooms, with two doors on opposite walls, arranged a row like changing rooms. You must pass through the white rooms to reach the warehouse and the checkout. But the second door will only open fifteen minutes after you enter the room. You must spend fifteen minutes, with your trolley(s) and purchases, reflecting on what you have chosen to purchase.

Why? Because Ikea is, like so many retail successes, a cunning store. The entire thing is windowless, and follows a semi-strict route that disorientates and overwhelms you. With beautiful and affordable Swedish design everywhere, there is very little resistance to the "oh why not" instinct which sees stupidly cheap chairs, side tables and tea towels being thrown into the trolley. And while I am a passionate believer in the quality of Ikea - sleeping on a superb mattress in a modern, stylish but affordable bed every night - I hate the way I and other customers are made to behave by this shopping experience. I didn't need that vase. Or that cabinet. Or those shelves. Or that rattan clothes basket. Or those plates. Or the napkins. Or the little washing up brush with a sucky thing on it that makes it stand up on my sink. But while determinedly pushing through Ikea buying stuff that I knew I actually needed (the bed and mattress) I was blinded into thinking I needed all this extra crap.

Smart guys, the Swedes...

Summary: Abandon hope (and self discipline) all ye who enter here...