Oh Duck! Why Did I Come Here? It's a Ducking Nightmare. (Poundland)

Member Name: Zmugzy

Product:	Poundland
Date:	06/08/08 (244 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Cheap snacks, cheap tat and cheap rubber ducks.

Disadvantages: You'll never have change from a pound.

As in many pound shops you can buy all kinds of junk in here, most of it unnecessary, ridiculous, environmentally unfriendly and made in China. As the name implies, every item or pack sells for a pound.


~ What's it like in Poundland? ~
In a word: cheap. The interiors of these places are always rather unkempt: oil-stained floors covered in debris and shopping receipts, loose packaging hanging from shelves, discarded rubber ducks with dirty beaks, and staff who look like they've just been released. In many ways Poundland is like a true microcosm of contemporary British life. At the check-out there always seems to be a large queue full of chav-like customers who have the inconsiderate habit of rubbing up against you... or me at least. There is always at least one old lady with a black moustache at the front of the queue who insists on paying for her '100 doggy bags and scooper' with the jar of loose change she's just poured onto the counter from a jam jar. And then there are people like me, trying to keep their head down, trying not to get noticed, wishing it was all over, but it just drags on and on. There's rarely ever more than one till open. This is usually manned by a grubby man who only speaks Punjabi and looks like he's just fallen off the back of a Delhi tuk-tuk. The last time I was in Poundland it took me an hour to get back out and I had this weird experience when I strolled into Argos just around the corner: I swear it was like walking into Harrods.


~ Making an Entrance ~
Before I enter it's always important to make sure no one's looking. Everyone who enters a pound shop runs the risk of being called a tight arse - and rightly so. Last December I swear I saw Scrooge in here with a multi-pack of humbugs. I usually only go in winter when I have the excuse to wear a large woolly hat and a long scarf that I can wrap around my mug as a form of disguise. In summer I have tried wearing large pair of Ray-Bans, but this only creates suspicion. After all, why would anyone who could afford Ray-Bans be shopping in pound shop?


~ Bags of Crap ~
But people tell me that amongst the junk and clutter there are bargains to be had. Unfortunately I've yet to find even circumstantial evidence. On my last trip I thought I was onto a winner when I saw a bag of garden compost for a pound. It was a big bag and almost broke my back as I hauled it to the car. I also felt rather ashamed as I walked out of Poundland with what looked like a large bag of goods. And it wasn't even worth it in the end. When I opened the bag later on I discovered it's contents to be rather suspect. There seemed to be more sand and stones than soil. No wonder it was heavy. No wonder the guy at the till was grinning as I hauled it away. He must have been thinking, "that's another bag of crap I've sold to a mug for a pound". The lack of quality was confirmed some months later when I tried to grow my selection of garden herbs (also bought for a pound on the same day) in this gritty soil. My Basil seedlings hit the deck, my chives wilted and as for my oregano... well it was all too much to bare.


~ Land of Bargains ~
OK maybe I'm being to harsh. Although David Dickinson might not agree, for many people, amongst all the tat, there are bargains to be found. On one occasion I did see a pack of four rubber ducks (I'd bought three in Mothercare for a pound each, damn!). You might also find lots of handy items in the DIY and the homewares sections. The stationary department is also popular and should certainly be checked out first before you go to WHSmith. There's a lot of junk food here or 'chav-staples' as I call it . For example, multi-packs of monster munch and quavers, 30 lollipops in a tub (how grotesque), a four-pack of fruit choots, a 20 pack of Scooby Doo Ice Pops, a 10 pack of Orange Jubbly Ice Lollies and multi-packs of Twix. In my local these foodstuffs are conveniently and logically placed on shelves next to jars of Ant killer and packs of Slug Attack Granules.


~ The Downside of Poundland ~
The one thing all products in Poundland have in common though, is the excessive amounts of packaging. This place is every environmentalists worst nightmare. Poundland must be responsible for half the landfill in the UK for it is a land of disposables: disposable plastic knives and forks, disposable cameras, disposable plates and tons of disposable batteries. Maybe they should rename it Pound Landfill. The idea of Poundland is to save pounds but often you end up spending more pounds than you intended. I mean, did I really need those 12 packs of super-glue? And why did I buy those 4 Assorted Disney mugs? And another thing, do we really need to import our rubber ducks from the other side of the world? No doubt it's places like these that have been detrimental to the rubber duck industry in this country.

If your desperate like me or if you have a pounds worth of loose change saved up in a jar or if your arse is so tight that you walk like a duck or if perhaps you just want to buy a duck, Poundland might be just the place for you.

Summary: A land of clutter and tat but with some bargains to be found as long as you buy them in a 10 pack