3 in the Bed and the Little One Said....Wakey Wakey! (Bed Sharing)

Name: pearlydewdrop

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Product:	Bed Sharing
Date:	11/07/08 (78 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Ermmm none, maybe if they are really ill or very insecure

Disadvantages: No space for adult time, clingy kids, dangerous for babies

I have never understood the purported virtues of bedsharing. Although Id never tell anyone how to bring up their baby, or indeed how to organise sleeping arrangements, I cannot understand what longterm benefits can be gained from sharing your bed with a baby or toddler. I know that in the short-term we all take drastic measures to save our sanity; if my baby had been having a nightmare bedtime or was ill, i could just about imagine taking them to bed with me- just for the sake of a bit of sleep. In reality, I have never had Amelia share a bed with my husband and I, as we need that space, as adults, to have a 'grown-up' relationships and even try to preserve some adult only space. Amelia is free to visit us and cuddle in our bed in the mornings, but we need our bed for sleep and other activities shall we say!


I found it hard, like most parents, to transfer my baby from the comfort and security of a moses basket to a cot. Obviously she would sleep in the moses basket, in our room, in the early days (first 12 weeks). I couldnt bear for her to be away from my side, plus it made night feeds a lot less arduous. When she was 12 weeks, we let her sleep in her moses basket, positioned in the cot, so that the transition from our room to her nursery would not be too daunting. Then gradually we introduced her to her cot. We installed a baby monitor in her room, so that we could hear her little murmurs (or big screams!).


Over the years (Amelia is 4 and 1/4 now), we have managed to keep Amelia in her bedroom. Through illness, darkness anxiety, and nightmares we have spent time consolling her in her own little bedroom. The thing is, Amelia was quite a smart little minxter at a young age- if you gave her an inch, she'd take a yard. If we showed that our bed was available whenever she fancied, that would have been IT for the forseable future, and we would have had no private time. My husband and I knew that it was better, in our case, to deal with her anxieties as they occured, rather than 'shelve' them and allow her to come into bed with us. Ultimately, the issue that had initially bothered her would not be resolved, and we would have been doing her a diservice by not helping her to become independent.


When Amelia hit 3 years old, after 3 years of almost faultless sleep, she suddenly went beserk and fearful of the dark. She literally would shake with fear, and lost the ability to get herself to sleep. One option would have been to let her sleep with us, but what message would that have sent? That yes Amelia, there is something to be scared of, come and sleep with us every night. None of us will get sleep, and we'll all be hell to live with. We knew that Amelia could, and had, cracked independent sleeping from a young age, and that what we needed to do is restore her faith in the safety of her own room. We did that by reassuring her at bedtime, saying we would check on her a few times to see she was ok (we still do this twice at bedtime, and she is almost always asleep the second time we go in, after 10 minutes), and installing a low illumination night light. This light always goes on at bedtime, and is a ritual thing now. Ill admit that in the early stages of her fear the process of re-checking and reassuring her was draining, but we are pleased we dealt with the problem rather taking a short-term, initially 'easier' option, of bedsharing. I just dont know what that would have achieved really.


I believe that confident children need to know that they are safe, and that their parents are always on hand to help and reassure them when they need comfort. That doesnt necessarily mean cradling them through the night. Surely that sends a message that being alone is something to be feared? If we hear Amelia in distress, in the night, we respond immediately.....we comfort her, settle her down, and deal with whats bothering her. Having a sleeping companion wouldnt work with my girl as shes too much of a chatterbox. She wouldnt sleep quite frankly, and neither would we. Her own room allows her to be alone with her thoughts at the end of the day, to wind down and be peaceful. Before bed she has a bath, a video, a story with me, and a cuddle with her Dad...she knows she's loved and trundles off to bed quite happily.


So, as you can tell, Ive not much time for bedsharing. Each to their own, but I know we would create a rod for our own back in this household!

Summary: Cant say its my cup of tea really