Parenthood is hard work but priceless (Being a Parent)

Member Name: rosebud2001

Product:	Being a Parent
Date:	27/10/08 (214 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Rewarding, enlightening, fascinating

Disadvantages: Sometimes can be hard

I used to really dislike celebrities when they were pregnant and then showing off their new babies in magazines such as "Hello" or on TV. It irked me that people seemed to think they should be told "well done" and many came across as thinking they were the only people on the planet to ever have given birth.

I confess I probably felt this way as I had no maternal instincts at all. I actually had stated on several occasions I had no desire to have children and intended to stick to this life plan even after I had met my husband.

However love can do strange things and one day my husband broached the subject of having a child and I realised how important it was to him. We had a very strong bond and I knew if I was going to have a child, I wanted him to be the father, so I changed my mind.

Pregnancy happened quickly for us, despite the fact I was 32 and my husband nearly 40. I found being pregnant a very special time and I still remember with fondness having the time to pamper myself and deal with things like stretch marks, knowing full well that in a matter of months my life was going to change radically.

I had a very lengthy and complicated labour and birth and one of my first thoughts when my daughter was handed to me were those of fear and terror - I was going to be responsible for this person for years to come! Of course that fear quickly flew from my mind as the sweet, unconditional love for her kicked in.

Parenthood in the early days is hard, hard work - babies don't understand the concept of time and have very basic needs which need to be dealt with swiftly. The concept of the "yummy mummy" annoys me because its only the rich with nannies who can do that - us mortals get by on 4 hours sleep a day and dealing with possetting and really gross nappies.

Of course that is a little simplistic - the rewards are incredible when you see your child smile for the first time, take their first steps and develop into a proper little person.

My journey with my daughter was different however because I realised around the age of 17 months that her development was slower than her peers. She didn't start walking until she was 18 months but it was her speech which raised flags for me. By the time she was 2 she still hadn't uttered a word and her imaginative play was non-existent.

She was diagnosed with autism just before she turned 3, and this was obviously a terrible blow for my husband and myself. When we got that diagnosis we had no idea what the future held and sometimes you fear the worst and hope for the best.

Reality dictated that she was a baby for far longer than other children of her age. She was still wearing nappies until she was five. She didn't start to communicate properly until she was 6. Her early years consisted of appointments with specialists, speech therapists, occupational therapists, psychotherapists, educational psychologists.

I had to fight to ensure she got the proper educational provision when it was time to start school. Sometimes it depressed me enormously but it never entered my head to give up on any of it - she deserved the best and my husband and I would do all we could to ensure she got it.

She is now 11 and you wouldn't recognise her from those early days - she is talkative and chatty, has a sense of humour, is fully toilet trained and is a delight to be with. She is, of course, still autistic, but she has developed as she grew and while she still has temper tantrums, struggles with social graces and can be very withdrawn and obsessive, she has blossomed over time.

I still have the glorious teenage years to deal with and I get some moments when her hormones are raging when I get a glimpse of what is ahead - yes, she does say "that's so not fair"!

Sadly earlier this year I became a single parent when my husband died. This was something I had had to consider because he had chronic heart disease but it was obviously a terrible blow. The blessing for me is having our daughter - she has been an incredible comfort to me. She misses her father too but deals with grief differently because of her autism and is quite matter-of-fact about his passing. At first I found this strange but I have been reassured that its normal in autistic people.

So I will continue parenting our daughter the way we always did - ensuring she gets the help she needs with her difficulties, instilling good values and sticking to firm boundaries which she knows not to cross. I will continue to support her and listen to her and be there for her, just as her father did and I have always done.

If someone had said to me even 15 years ago I would love being a parent I would have laughed, but being a mother is quite simply the best thing I have ever done and I have never regretted choosing this path in life.

Summary: Parenthood is an incredible journey