A child is for life (Being a Parent)

Member Name: HonestBob

Product:	Being a Parent
Date:	28/10/08 (83 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Some tips on the teenage years

Disadvantages: Long and you will disagree with some of it

I'm sure everyone has heard that being a parent is the hardest job. It is hard for a variety of reasons:

You meet this gunge covered bundle for the first time and are expected to know what to do with it without any training, examinations or qualifications. You may have read all the books on birth in the library, but none tell you how to bring up YOUR child, and many disagree on even the fundamentals such as feeding and sleeping arrangments.

Just as you think you've got this baby raising lark sorted they go and develop. The gunge covered bundle learns to sit, grasp and eventually move. Now you have a whole new range of issues and the word 'No' raises it's ugly head, alongside issues relating discipline and parental agreement/disagreement about how to control the egocentric desires of the newly mobile.

If this were a paying job you should be raking it in by now and have an armful of certificates; payment for and qualifications in education, cookery, art, laundry, vehicle maintenance, psychology, sport, medicine. Plus some CV enhancing time-management skills, negotiation experience and budget balancing.

After/alongside mobility comes speech and now you need to mind your p's and q's and offer a variety of vocabulary developing experiences. You need the patience of a saint as you correct, yet again, the sound for cow (no, darling only doggies say woof-woof).

So that's pre-school parenting covered.... five years of social, linguistic, physical and cognitive development at break-neck speed and you are expected to guide your bundle of joy through this with expert precision and absolutely no training apart from that offered by a variety of conflicting guru's, grandparents and friends. No, wonder this job is tough. And where's the performance related pay? You've saved a fortune by breastfeeding, potty training and making your own musical instruments, where's the monetary reward (do kisses count?).

The school years offer further challenges. Is there really any point to all that primary homework (No), how are you supposed to follow the information in the school newsletter when little Johnny never gets it out of his school drawer? In employment terms this is when you get your performance review. Midwives did in the early days, Health Visitors during the pre-school years, but now it's the teacher's turn. Can Johnny write his name, tie his shoe laces, peel an orange? All these things that YOU are expected to have taught him are under review (gulp).

And then on to the teenage years. These, and the pre-teen years, are the hardest. You had hoped to be your childs pal and confidante but now you realise they think you are the devil in disguise. How dare you still insist on a reasonable bedtime, knowing who they are with and where they are going?

The sound practical advice bit:

Learn to count to ten in several languages, this will help through all parenting stages.

Feed your child good food, and breakfast in particular. It really does affect behaviour and mood. I see too many kids drinking cola and eating chocolate sneakily during first period and the sugar-hit on an empty stomach turns monsters into maniacs.

Look out for the warning signs of bullying and self-harming. Mood changes, increase in time spent alone, covering arms with long-sleeves. Talk to your child regularly about any old rubbish so that they feel they can communicate openly with you.

Take teenage problems seriously. Bad skin is depressing. If over the counter cleansers and creams aren't working then take your child to see a GP.

Introduce deodorant early and provide a good toothpaste and mouthwash. Teenagers are very self-conscious about body odour. And if yours isn't their classmates will notice and alert EVERYONE to the lack of personal hygeine.

Check school planners for comments from teachers and act upon them before you get a letter or phone call home. Show your child that you support the school rules and then they will follow them, making life easier for themselves and the learning environment fairer for their classmates.

Provide your teenager with a variety of activities and experiences. Encourage them to join something (air cadets, venture scouts, the local rock-climbing club), anything that gets them enthusiastic. Know where they are and who they are with.

Accept that your teenager is heading towards adulthood. Allow them some freedom but emphasise that with freedom comes responsibility. You need to be able to get hold of them (mobile phone) and you need to know that they are safe and legal in whatever they are doing. These are parts of being a good parent and are as much about your own peace of mind as their welfare.

Enjoy being a parent. Perhaps it's not a job at all, just don't make it a passing fad.

Summary: My advice, take it or leave it.