The best thing in the world (Being a Parent)

Member Name: mumto3

Product:	Being a Parent
Date:	01/11/08 (74 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: It's the greatest thing you'll ever do....

Disadvantages: It's the hardest thing you'll ever do.....

I have thought a lot about what I would like to write about being a parent. It is such a huge life changing journey that I don't know if I can fully explain that in a few words.

I had my first child shortly before I turned 31 and it was totally overwhelming. Those first few months were some of the very best and worst times in my life. It was like being hit by a truck and I was totally unprepared for the mixture of emotions and total upheaval that a baby could cause.

My husband is a farmer and works seven days a week and was out to work at 5.30am the next day just a few hours after the birth. The first few hours were fine and I felt good apart from being a wreck physically. When she was about 24 hours old she started to cry and cry and at the time it didn't feel like she stopped for the next few months and to be honest neither did I.

I had always been around children and babies, my mother was a child minder and my sister had a baby young and still lived at home. I had desperately wanted a family for a long time and had thought that maybe it was never going to happen. During my pregnancy I had been concerned how I would manage as I was newly married and was finding it difficult to adjust to a farming lifestyle. I didn't go to any of the anti-natal classes because I knew how to change a nappy and hold and bath a baby. With the benefit of hindsight it would have been nice to meet other pregnant women and maybe even make some friends but I didn't think this was something I needed at the time.

Those first few months were hard. I had trouble breast feeding and was too embarrassed to ask for help. I couldn't get her to sleep unless we went for a drive or I fed her to sleep. If I went for a drive just slowing at a traffic light was enough to wake her and set her off screaming again. She fed every two hours for an hour at a time day and night! During the night I would feed her and then sit and hold her until I was certain she was asleep and then gingerly place her back in her cot. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. My husband was working all the time and would appear at regular intervals and moan because a meal wasn't ready or I was "feeding her again". I have never felt so lonely or alone in my entire life.

I never asked for help or told anyone that I was finding things hard because I felt that then they would know that I was a useless mother. I felt that as a 31 year old woman who had been around babies all her life I should be able to look after my own. I felt completely useless and unable to look after my own child. I felt that her crying was a sign that she was unhappy and on occasion that she really didn't like me very much. I couldn't understand why my 17 year old sister had been able to cope and I couldn't. It didn't occur to me at the time that she had lived at home and me and my Mum had run around after her 24 hours a day!

Needless to say things did improve and when she was about nine months old I just suddenly felt a huge burden lift from me. I suddenly felt able to look after my child and I could see that she was happy and developing well and everything suddenly just seemed to feel right.

I now have three beautiful children and I definitely would have another if I could. I feel guilty about the way I felt when my daughter was small but I am proud of the relationship we now have.

Those first few months weren't all bad and seeing her growing and developing and learning new skills have been some of the best times of my life. I still remember her first smile and the first time she said Mummy. My other children have bought totally different experiences to my life one was so good I didn't realise he was there half the time and the third one is a little menace who made his presence felt from the minute he was born. The benefit of experience and growing confidence has stopped me feeling so utterly inept as I did when I first had my daughter.

One of the biggest things I wasn't expecting was the huge depth of emotion that a child stirred in me. When my daughter was about 12 weeks old I became obsessed with something bad happening to her. I couldn't sleep because I kept dreaming that the car had gone into the canal and I couldn't get her out or that the house was on fire and she was inside. The worst thoughts I had were that someone had hurt her or taken her and I was completely taken aback by the strength of my feelings about this. When it comes to protecting my children I am a lioness. They say you don't know what you are capable of but I know that in the defence of my children I could take a life and I could give my own without question. Nothing in my life has ever evoked such passion in me as the need to love and protect my children.

The thing I love most about being a parent is knowing that my children were born out of love and they live in a home filled with love. I watch them grown and learn and develop and everyday they are doing different things for the first time. I love their innocence and lack of inhibition and the way that they find everything so funny. The way their faces light up when they achieve something is the most beautiful thing in the world. The thought that the things we do today will be their memories in the future makes me determined to give them the best life I can.

I recently went to watch my daughter in her harvest festival. She only started school a few weeks ago and we have been practising the song that she would sing along with the rest of her class. When I saw her stand on the stage tears ran down my face because my heart was so filled with love and pride for this little person singing her heart out.

Everyday my children make me feel as proud and fortunate as I did at the harvest festival. I am so lucky to have them and even when it's hard and I feel like I need a break I am thankful that these children are a part of my life.

Thankfully I never felt so overwhelmed since my daughter was small. I have learned to ask for help and I have a few friends now with children the same age who I know are there if I need them. I tried going to mother and baby clubs but didn't find one that I liked or that didn't make me feel even more inadequate so I have found other ways to make sure that I don't let myself get so lonely again.

My eldest child is only four so I am only at the beginning of the journey but I look forward with a sense of excitement and anticipation.

Summary: There is no need to feel alone....