'I don't arrive with instructions'. (Being a Parent)

Member Name: hotcritic

Product:	Being a Parent
Date:	15/06/04 (259 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: REWARDING, LASTS LONGER THAN A CHOCCY BAR BUT JUST AS SWEET, FULFILLMENT

Disadvantages: EXPENSIVE, HARD TIMES MORE THAN GOOD TIMES, EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER

You are all getting to know me by now. Well at least I hope so!
I love this subject. Parenting, single mums, ect.
I feel to write a good review you need to research the project. I feel I may well qualify for this one, having over 25 years experience.

So, being a parent. Having tots call you mum, is that enough to make you a good parent?
Absolutely not! Parenting is the one subject you cannot qualify for. You cannot study for, and almost all cases, have not prepared for.
For fear of making it sound like exams, does that mean you fail?
Again no.

To be a good parent means in my book five main category's. If you get this right, the rest follows.
Being a parent is also a learning process. For both you and your child.

BONDING
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This will be the first step you encounter. From conception you and your child are mentally bonding. Research shows the sounds within your body become familiar to your unborn child.
Sounds from outer body are just as important. When you speak, shout, slam a door, your child will react.
So during your pregnancy remember you have already begun the bonding process.
Gently massage your tummy, talk to your baby, and help the baby become familiar with both you and your partners voice.
This is also a good tip for other children within te family. This will help them to feel involved with the baby before it has been born.

When you have a new born, the same principles apply. Talk to your baby. He/she is becoming familiar with their surroundings and the sounds they already partially have been aquainted with.
As your child grows, talk alot to them. As the child becomes older, go to their space, (bedroom) and share quality time with them. Listen to them, play, dicipline, boundaries, all become a part of the bonding process.
In return you will recieve, love, respect, and above all, a bond that cannot be replaced by anyone.

SECURITY.
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*
A child will always need to feel secure. This is given by you in two ways.
Physical security in: Cuddles, warmth, bedtime reading, collecting them from school, routine, and always reassuring them when you leave them that you will be back.

Mental security: Again reasurrance, soft music playe through quality time. Routine, dicipline, talking with your child, singing to your child, warm baths, play, and above all, safety within the home. ( quite bedtime routine with no inturuptions to your home after 9pm)
A child will notice changes to their routine and you will notice behavoiral changes whenever this happens.

Dicipline
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We have all heard of tough love! How many of us have actually practiced it?
We have to lay down boundaries. Be flexible so that the child has the confidence to test these boundaries. I have never met a child yet that hasn't pushed their way to a punishment after several warnings.
This is normal, and a part of growing up.
Set your acceptable boundary and stick to it.
Some examples may be:
1) I want you to be in for 7.30pm on school nights. ( later maybe for an older child)
Always tell your child what will happen if they are late without a good reason.
If the child is late, go ahead with the punishment. If the child is on time/ early, reward them. ALWAYS praise good behavior.
I have always said to my children that two words are banned from my house:
BAD= WE say not good.
HATE= WE say dislike.

CONSISTENCY
***************
Consistency is important with all of the above. Constant security, bonding and dicipline.
It falls into the bracket of routine very nicely. Changes upset balances. But we have a few very good reasons for change of routine.
BIRTHDAYS are special, so make them a total out of routine day that the children can look forward to.
CHRISTMAS is probebly the most important time for you and your children. Make it special, a
nd ag
ain routine free.
ANNUAL HOLIDAY. is a time for all of you to forget, and rest from the every day routine.
All of the above will be a good time for you to use as a guide for rewards for your childrens good behavior. BUT remember that it should only last as long as the celebration, and routine must be reastablished as soon as the celebrations are over.

AND FINNALLY, LOVE, AND UNDERSTANDING.
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I made a golden rule to myself that I have stuck to.
0-3 years. : Lay down foundations for a happy upbringing.
3-6 years: Prepare for routine, and schooling, support them through a big change in their childhood. Start to enforce boundaries with larger punishments. Reward the good behavior.
6-10: Start to enforce awareness of dangers. Road safety, strangers, first aid , and involve them in after school activities.
10-16: Support them through these adolecent years, but without too much control. Allow them to make mistakes, and learn by them. Be there to pick up the pices. Allow them to grow, and learn, and make alot of their own decitions, but with me as a guide.
16-18: Let them go, they want to blossom now. You have taught them all they need to get by. If they use the tools you gave them, they will do well. If not, they will feel the security, bond, confidence, to come home for your guidance.

I am not saying this is how to be the perfect parent, but I have shown you how it works for me.
You may say' Stuff you Dee', or 'yeh, I can do a bit of this,' or ' thats how it works then.'
But whatever you may or may not take from my review, above all, enjoy your parenting as they do not come with instructions. It is a consistant learning process. We learn from each other.

Enjoy, Dee.

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