bond in time. (Bonding With Step-Children)

Member Name: sparky111

Product:	Bonding With Step-Children
Date:	26/11/08 (148 review reads)
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I got to know my future step son whilst working with his grandad, I would baby sit him a few times while his dad went out as he stayed with his dad at weekend's, and eventually I started a relationship with his dad.

I knew my step son had a lot of hard times as a child as his parents had a messy split and there were rumours that he wasn't treated as he should of been, his clothes were dirty and he was always hungry when he came from his mum's.

Before I was in a relationship I got on really well with him and became really close to him, he was 2 years old at the time and I would take him to the park and play football in the garden with him and he would come to me to read him stories. He would love me cooking him dinner especially when there was a pudding after.

I eventually moved in with my partner and continued to see my step son who was now nearly 4 regularly but thing's seemed to change, he wasn't keen to go home to his mum's whilst I was there and I think the reason was because he wanted his dad to himself and not shared.

He then had problem's at home with his mum and she could not cope with his behaviour so my partner and I decided to have him live with us. That's when I started to have a few more problems.

He would test me by being naughty and on one occasion he actually stood on the stairs and wee'd in my shoes!!!

The worst thing for me was that it was so hard to discipline a child that wasn't mine, so I would try and talk to him rather than shout, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. If it was something I struggled with then I would wait for his dad to sort it.

We seemed to have an understanding as time went on and the closeness started to come again, there were still a few hurdles along the way but it got easier.

When he was 8 my partner and I got married and he was a best man and he loved it. I think he then felt part of a proper family, something he hadn't really had before. On my wedding day I remember him smiling and saying to me "you are my step mum now", I felt so happy that he had finally accepted me and from then on the closeness came back.

A year later we moved house, and I involved him along the way, we would pack the things in his bedroom together and he then became exited at having a new bedroom with a new bunkbed.

When he was 11 years old I became pregnant and he was really looking forward to it, he would love to feel the baby kick and when my daughter was born I tried so hard not to make him feel left out, so he helped me with her first bath and would often check to see if she was ok, he loved her loads.

Sadly my husband and I split when my daughter was 8 weeks old, after I found out he had been having an affair, my step son knew about it, and the day it all came out he was left feeling very guilty, his grandad talked to him and eased thing's for him. He does struggle in my company a little bit now, I hope he knows I will never blame him for anything. My husband moved in with the woman he had the affair with and a little while after my step son moved back to his real mum's, as the woman didn't treat him properly, I really feel for the lad.

To me he will allways be my step son, I grew to love him and care for him as my own and he will remain special to me.

I think the best advice for me to give someone with step children is to try and be there for them and let them know that they have a friend in you.
No doubt there will be hard times but things do get easier and in time they become like your own child, and care for them just as much.

Hope that helps

Thankyou for reading.

Summary: closeness does come in time